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Are Emails Creepy?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by VentinIntrovert, Nov 30, 2010.

  1. VentinIntrovert

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    I don't know how much I've been kicking my own ass today. So today, I had the opportunity to talk to this guy that I really liked, and I totally blew him off. I tend to have a habit of getting really nervous and shy around cute guys and I've been ignoring him all semester long. Tomorrow is the last day that I will ever get to see him and I wanted to share my feelings with him. I am suspicous that he might be gay, but don't know for sure. So my question is, should I bother telling him that I like him? And if I don't have the courage to say it, is it creepy if I send him an email. By the way, he doesn't even know that I have his email.
     
  2. Lexington

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    I'd say no to "telling him I like him", and no to sending him an e-mail. Instead, reach out to him tomorrow. Just say, "You know, it occurred to me that you're somebody I think I'd like to get to know, but I never got around to really approaching you, and now the semester's over. Are you on Facebook? Would you mind I added you?"

    Lex
     
  3. VentinIntrovert

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    I was afraid to hear that. I really don't know what to do. My dilema is that I don't really know what I want from him. It would be super awesome if he's gay, and cool if he's straight and just want to be friends. The problem though is that I am obsessed with him. I don't think I can get over him (so that we can just be friends) until I've confronted him with his sexuality (straight) or get some form of rejection in return. I just want an answer. Cause if I keep going the way it goes, I'll get really nervous and ignore him for the rest of my life. Is there no other alternative?
     
  4. midwestblues

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    Ideally, you should have snagged the opportunity to talk to him today, but you already know that so it's no use dwelling on it anymore. I don't think there is anything creepy about an e-mail. Simply explain yourself completely and truthfully. Let him know about your insecurities and why you chose e-mail to communicate with him; also let him know how you got his e-mail to take away any potential "stalker" vibe. And if he rejects you, you said that you'll probably never see him again, so I'd say the risk is worth it.
     
  5. VentinIntrovert

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    The other thing, he doesn't have facebook...

    ---------- Post added 30th Nov 2010 at 10:34 PM ----------

    Hey MidWestBlues, thanks for the advice. You're totally new here too, Welcome to EC! :slight_smile:
     
  6. Lexington

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    Two concerns about the e-mail.

    1. By contacting him via e-mail, you're saying (implicitly if not explicitly) "I've been noticing you from afar". It has a stalker-ish vibe, even if that's not what's intended. And if somebody sent me such an e-mail, one of my main thoughts would be "Well, even if I say I'd give him a chance, would he still be so distant that I'd have to lead him by the hand through everything?"

    2. By saying "I just want an answer", you're implying only one thing is important here - your feelings. Again, it gives off a "stalker-ish" vibe. And that would probably make him more inclined to turn you down (or not answer at all).

    If you insist on doing this via e-mail, it'd probably be much better if you phrased it carefully. Don't keep the spotlight on YOU. "I can't stop thinking about you, I don't know how to approach you, I need to know..." Sure, let him know you were too nervous to approach him in class, but show some interest and awareness of HIS side of the equation.

    Lex
     
  7. VentinIntrovert

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    Lex, thanks for your input. You seem a lot more experienced than I am. Anywho I actually spoke to him today and regardless of how it went, I am pleased with the results. I asked to speak to him in private after class and pretty much told him what I intended to say in the email. I came out to him and told him about my feelings towards him. I think he felt pretty uncomfortable about it, but what I got was the rejection that I needed to move on. I am just glad that it was all figured out.