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Friend in Need

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Poseidon36, Dec 1, 2010.

  1. Poseidon36

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2010
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northern Ireland
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    So here's the story. A few weeks back, I came out to my best friend, who I happened to have a massive crush on and who I was convinced was gay.

    He was totally cool with it but it turned out he was straight. Thankfully, this managed to mostly wake me up out of the crush I had. My problem, however, is HIS crush, and This is where it gets complicated.

    Apparently, he has liked this girl for FIVE WHOLE YEARS. I only "liked" him for about one and a half and that was bad enough. There are three-ish problems though. Firstly, he's absolutely terrified of her knowing. And I mean petrified. Another problem is that she has never admitted to ever liking him, although there have been many others she has, including me. The final problem is that she is convinced HE is gay! These things seem so harsh on him and it saddens me that he's had to live for five years with this.

    I could really, really use some advice on how to help him! I've tried to convince him that he should talk to her but I've made no progress. In fact, he says he could just wait for the end of his final school year when he leaves for uni, so he can just forget about her. To me, this sounds like it could be bad for his mental health.

    I really would like some help. Any input is appreciated :icon_sad:
     
  2. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    "Helping him" without his consent isn't a good idea. Because even if it goes well, he may not be ready to do anything about it, and if it doesn't, he might blame you for screwing it up. So I honestly would stay out of it.

    The only thing I might suggest is if you're out to this girl, and you chat with her enough, you might tell her about you coming out to him. "Honestly, I thought once I came out to him, he'd tell me that he was gay, too. But it ends up he's straight. I guess I wouldn't have guessed that." Other than that, butt out.

    Lex