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a boyfriend or just a new friend?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Scandinavian, Dec 7, 2010.

  1. Scandinavian

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    Ok, here's the situation. For about 4 weeks ago a new boy joined my class. He moved from Northern Norway to the South Norway 6 weeks ago. He is suuuper hot, and suuuper tall (like 190 cm or something), he is very masculine and all that. But ever since I showed him around our high school, he has been giving me these Intense smiling looks.

    I'm not out (only to my best friend, eric who is also gay ) , but I sometimes get bullied bye "jocks" because of my voice : ( and he kinda protected me against them, wich made me super happy inside! :icon_bigg

    Lately he has started talking more frequently to me, and he is sitting next to me all the time (he even asks the person allready sitting next to me if he/her could move to another seat)

    And on monday he asked if I wanted to go with him on the new Harry Potter movie on friday.

    how should i interpret this??

    my best friend eric says I should protect my heart, and don't go..
    but I can't help wondering if there might be something there

    and the worst problem of all: I am really starting to liking him :confused:

    If you have ANY advice on how i should act or how i shoul interpret this... then please help! :kiss:

    ---------- Post added 7th Dec 2010 at 12:29 PM ----------

    btw, I am soo sorry about my bad english!
    and I am in a different timesone so don't be shocked if I answer you like 3 O'clock in the morning ;P
     
  2. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC! :wave:

    >>>my best friend eric says I should protect my heart, and don't go...

    This I don't understand at all. You like the guy. He obviously likes you, too, either as a friend or something more. So why not go? It MAY end up that he only likes you as a friend. If that's true, that might be a bit painful for a while, but who couldn't use some new friends?

    Go. Have a good time. You'll find out if you're "something more" or not soon enough. Just prepare yourself for the possibility that he might end up being only a friend.

    Lex
     
  3. Jiggles

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    You can come out with one of two things a boyfriend or a good friend! :grin: Win win if you ask me. Go for it. ^^
     
  4. BasketCase

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    Go for it.

    'Eric' might just be concerned at the new Guy on the scene.
     
  5. Scandinavian

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    Thank you all for your support, I took your advice.. So i texted him, and he had changed the tickets to tomorrow (wensday norwegian time),

    oh, let me just translate it for you! :slight_smile:

    Hey Simon!!
    so I changed the HP tickets to tomorrow, and I thought im goanna go with my little sister (but I kinda think she has plans) but do you still wanna go? I thought you were busy! OH PLEASE COME!
    from ********

    I'm so excited... I'm goanna let you all know how it goes
    (I feel kind of bad about his sister not being able to go because of me, though :S )
     
    #5 Scandinavian, Dec 7, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
  6. Flare

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    I'm glad you're going! If he just moved then he probably doesn't have many friends so I don't think you should read too much into his invite. I would say prepare yourself to just be friends and if anything develops that's a bonus.
     
  7. RaRa

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    I agree with everyone else....actually.

    Also did he really add that "PLEASE COME" at the end? Seems a little gay...and eager to me. xD
     
  8. Revan

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    Yeah don't worry about the sister though, because he said his sister has plans, not that she's not going because of you. :slight_smile: And I say go for it, but if you want him, let him make the first move....just as a precaution in case he's straight and just a really nice guy. Though he does sound a little gay :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  9. Scandinavian

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    well, its kind of hard to translate from norwegian to english. since the languages are very different... its kind of a desperat friendly request. its not "gay" in the norwegian contens :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 8th Dec 2010 at 06:32 AM ----------

    thank you for all your support! He is a really great guy, Revan!
    So I'll let you all know how it goes = )
    the first time, we have spent time alone, im soo EXCITED!! :grin: :icon_bigg
     
  10. zzzero

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    Your english is fine!
    Love comes with the risk of having your heart broken. "Protect your heart" is bad advice because then you'll end up never knowing if something great could come of anything. I say go to the movie, but expect nothing. Just go as a friend and if more happens, then great! If not, well that's still great because at least you have a nice new friend!
     
  11. Scandinavian

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    Hey guys!
    so it went... strange?
    we watched the movie and after that we went on a walk downtown.

    When he told me that his mother is dealing with breast cancer, and that he was really struggling with the fact that he could might loose her: I Hugged him! (My first reaction was like, that I had SCREWED over my straight cover an would now be outed)
    but he started to hug me back! squeezing me really really hard!! Then he smiled... and we said goodbye..
    guys, what does this mean? He is soo hard to figure out!!!!

    Is he gay now?
    would a straight guy hug me back? Or is it just because he was feeling sad, and needed someone... ( he didnt look sad) ??
    please help!
     
  12. LostandFound

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    Why not come out to him? This may have two effects. I'm sure in being gay and coming out (that is if you've told people) you recognize that having support in friends and having someone to turn to is so incredibly helpful. You could tell him that because you're gay you know that having support makes dealing with difficult things so much better. This may make you a better friend because now you're mutually supporting each other and building a level of trust which will make coming out and dealing with a mother's breast cancer so much easier.

    Also, if he's gay, then he'll know you're gay and he'll be able to make a move.
     
  13. Jamie

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    Hei,

    It's hard to understand from what you've said above whether he really is giving you signs or not - words can be often taken out of context during translation and as you say Norwegian and English are two very different languages.

    What I would say though, is try not to get too excited in the begining. I think you should just take things at face value and if you enjoy spending time with him - continue to do it as a friend. He is obviously going through a lot of things in his life at the moment, he has moved from the top of Norway to the South so has that to adapt to and as you mentioned is having a hard time with his mum's cancer. He may very well have feelings for you, but he might not be ready to come out with them yet - due to all of the things happening in his life - or the other options, he could be straight and just want to be very good friends with a guy who has welcomed him to the new school with open arms and a friendly smile.

    But perhaps one of the easiest options of course is to just come out and ask him if he likes guys. Norway has a much more liberal stance on Homosexuality than other countries, so it's not really as frowned upon as most people think - especially in the South and East.

    Uansett - Lykke til :slight_smile:

    Jamie
     
  14. Scandinavian

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    Tusen Takk! =)

    well, it's easier said then done. I'm still soul searching, and it would be so nice if he could just KISS ME!! but life is hard, and I just don't think I am ready to come out...
     
  15. RealityCheck

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  16. Scandinavian

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    So, some stuff has gone down, and I really need support... I don't know anywere else to turn to.

    He basiclly told me that he was bisexual! (dont be happy just yet)
    we were watching a movie and we got to talking about stuff, and suddenly he just said it. I was like: "oh, well, I don't mind that" obviously trying to hide my own sexuality. I promised him i wouldn't tell anyone...

    but he is sending out signals that he just wants to be good friends.
    he said: "you could be my sassy friend" Is that all he sees in me? :frowning2:
    He says he only like muscular and masculin guys... im none, just skinny and "sassy".
    Im so sad, I really thought I could find someone. Im so tired of being alone.

    what do I do now.
    (skip school, take a personal day and watch Ellen while eating icecream)

    please... leave a "cyberhug" :frowning2:
     
  17. Jamie

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    Awww that sucks man. I guess it's easier to tell somebody not to get their hopes up, than it is to actually do it.

    One thing is sure, you now have a friend who can support you when you are ready to come out atleast. And who knows what might happen one day. However, life goes on. You are still very young and will find somebody - but usually that doesn't get easier until you're out of the closet.

    Og husk at du kan alltid ønsker deg en kjekk gutt til Jul! ;-)

    Klem!
     
  18. Paper Heart

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    Aww as awful as that is, I think it will be better in the long run for you. Now, lets just look at the positives here. 1. You have a new bi friend you can talk about boys with! 2. Preferences can change. I used to be strictly into masculine guys, but now I could get with anyone. 3. Even if you are sassy and skinny, there is a guy out there for you. You just have to go out and meet him! Trust me, I'm just as lonely as you. But ever since I started to go to LGBT groups or events, I have been meeting possible boyfriends, but also more gay-friendly friends!
     
  19. Filip

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    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

    honestly, this is not as bad as it looks. Okay, maybe he's not interested in you romantically (and yes, I'm aware it really sucks to have feelings not returned).
    But on the bright side: you clicked with someone who sounds like a cool guy, and he trusts you enough to come clean about something as sensitive as his sexuality. So yes, punch a pillow, cry, eat icecream... and then remind yourself that second prize was having an awesome new friend, and that's not too shabby!

    Maybe you should rethink your stance on not coming out to him, though. He entrusted you with a secret, so he trusts you. It's the right moment to open up to him too. And if he expects you to keep a secret, I'm sure he can keep one in return. at the very least you can talk about hot guys together :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    (...or not. Don't let anyone pressure you into coming out. But IMHO, if there ever was an ideal moment, this would be it!)
     
  20. Scandinavian

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    isnt there a song for feeling heartbroken at christmas??

    oh, yeah:
    [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Jm0WxmABpk[/YOUTUBE]


    Every time he texts me its like: "Are you sick?" or "feeling ok?"
    "do you want me to get you something from the grocery store on my way home?"

    so after a long day of Ice-cream, TV and soul searching I have realised that I should just kiss him (privately offc.)... yes, call me crazy!

    but at least I'll set the record straight, that I am gay (or bi or confused) and that I like him, and that he should like me!
    Im thinking of the last day before christmas break, Ill ask if he wants to come over to my house, my parents will be in our cabin up in the mountain so.

    is this crazy? Do I sound: desperate, heartbroken, crazy?
     
    #20 Scandinavian, Dec 13, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2010