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This may be like beating a dead horse but...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by respirit, Oct 8, 2007.

  1. respirit

    Regular Member

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    So I apologize in advance, but it's another one of those straight attraction rants. Oh and yes, hi nice to meet you all.

    Well where do I begin, oh yes I'm in love with one of my close friends. I've had crushes on guys here and there of course, but it's the first time I've ever felt so strongly about someone. He's just a really awesome guy, especially personality wise which is probably why I really like him...well that and because we have so many things in common from having chronic nosebleeds in the summer to both of us being video game freaks and basically sharing almost every hobby.

    The sucky part is that I'm pretty sure he's straight and it's killing me inside that I can't tell him how I feel. Okay I probably can, but I think that would definitely make our friendship awkward and I don't know if I can handle that. He doesn't really have a lot of people he would call friends to begin with (I don't know why he's so awesome), and aside from his brother I'm his only close guy friend. And he really really cares about his friends so it's as if he likes me but that's not the case unfortunately!

    So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I don't know what to do and that's a first for me as I am usually very self-reliant and I think I can solve everything myself without depending on anyone else...the best thing I've deduced would be to try and see less and less of him, but that'd be tough on me and him. If there was a way to just stop liking someone just like that, that would be so awesome. And that's about all I have to say, I suck at explaining things so you guys will have to deal with this...sorry :slight_smile:
     
  2. godfather

    godfather Guest

    Firstly hi!! welcome to EC.These problems are always tricky if your sure the guy is straight then is clear what will happen if your not sure then talk to hm mabey dropping hints to see if he is fine with homosexuality or he might just say well im gay.
    I think telling friends is the most difficult part of coming out and im going through it myself stay strong and when the moment is right tell him.
    Sorry this wasnt great help i hope it works out fo you.:slight_smile:
     
  3. Jim1454

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    Re-read your post...

    You don't think you should tell him because it would make your friendship awkward. Then towards the end, you're thinking that you should just stop seeing him as often...

    Hmmm - don't you think that without an explanation, slowly decreasing the amount of time you spend with him will make the friendship awkward - or kill it?

    I would say - if those are your two options, you might as well tell him that you're gay. See what he says to that. If he happens to be gay, you're all set. If he isn't gay, but is OK with you being gay, then at least you haven't lost your friendship and you know where you stand with him. If he's not OK with you being gay, then you will likely end up spending less time with him - which is what you suggested doing yourself.

    So I see it as a no brainer - but it's easier said than done.
     
  4. Louise

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    Listen to Jim, he knows what he's talking about AND it's good advice!:thumbsup:
     
  5. Tom

    Tom Guest

    yeh i agrith jim, and it sounds like ur gd friends, so see what he is like with homosexuality, if hes fine with it then tell him ur gay and from there just see what happens. when ppl come out it usually makes friendships stronger as they know u trust them esp if u dont come out to anyone else, and dont worry about thinking ur in love with him it will pass esp if u meet a guy but theres nothing wrong with lovin a str8 friend as long as u dont do anythin. and about tellin him tht u think u love him id keep tht 2 urself for a while,if u think tht he wudnt mind too much then u shud tell him but only once hes completely at terms with ur sexuality

    hope i helped, doubt it tho
     
  6. respirit

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    Thanks for the input, my post doesn't make sense how embarrassing! The words are really encouraging, much to my surprise...I guess it's just great to get this off my chest and have other people giving their 2 cents worth.

    So I guess I'm just conflicted at the moment, but I think I may tell him soon...we've been talking so much more lately, so I think if I tried avoiding him it'd be much harder to do.
     
  7. reminiscent

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    Welcome to EC! :smilewave
    Just do what you feel is best.
    If he's a true friend, he won't get mad at you.
     
  8. Jamie

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    well here's the thing... stick out a bit of a feeler and get to know how he feels about homosexuals. If he's ok with them, down to earth, etc then by all means tell him. Nobody is saying you need to confess your love for him. Just take it one step at a time, if you feel same coming out then do it. If then he comes out as gay too... then tell him you fancy him, etc.

    If not then, give it some time and you'll soon be able to have a drunken laugh and joke with him... one of the old "you know I used to fancy you" sort of remarks. By which time he'll be used to you being gay and it'll just be a good laughing/talking point.

    So... good luck with whatever you decide to do. Although, if you do decide to keep it to yourself I can promise you it does go away, slowly... but you'll get over him.