Since around the time I've started high school, my attraction to girls have been getting weaker and weaker, to the point it's making me think I might be gay. I thought I was bisexual at one point, but when I think about it now, I wonder if I was really gay but in denial about it. I've liked girls before, and I think a lot of them are really pretty, but that's about it. I think more about having and wanting a boyfriend way more then I think about having and wanting a girlfriend; I'm more interested in kissing another guy, maybe even go further then kissing, then I am interested in kissing a girl; I'm way more attracted to a guys body then I am attracted to a girls body. However, whenever I think of my future, I don't see myself in a relationship with another man at all, but instead a woman, and it makes me confused. Has this happened to anyone before? :help:
Hi there. First off, I don't think you really need to label yourself anything. You like what you like, no big deal. If you like guys right now that's fine. And if you are gay, that's okay. But my question to you is, why do you see yourself with a woman in the long run? Is there something that a female can offer you? Or is it maybe just because of social norms or something? Feel free to PM me. I haven't gone through something like this, but we're here to help!
It has happened to me and it still does sometimes. I may sit down and think about myself twenty years from now and I just can't picture myself spending the rest of my life with a guy but for me it's mostly because if I do end up with a guy then I will end up living in another country too because no one here is going to accept me this way. As for kids like Midwestblues asked, I think there are many great options to that and it shouldn't really hinder someone's lifestyle. Girls are still pretty, heck they probably always will be, I still admire a good cleavage now and then but that's as far as it's gonna go really because I have to try really hard to have sex with a girl. "Try" being the operative word, why should someone have to "try" to do something which is supposed to come natural to them? In the end you just gotta face the facts, if being with a guy is what comes natural then why not? I know I will always have those thoughts about how weird and unnatural it is to spend the rest of my life with a guy but I also know it's simply because I have been forced to believe that it is unnatural and weird while it really isn't. I'm sure like all foolish thoughts it will come to pass. Don't worry mate, you are not alone.
I kind of feel the same way, in that I can't see myself in a relationship with a man in 20 years time, even though I can only see myself in a relationship with a male now. I think this is because almost all portrayals of generations older than my own are heterosexual, combined with what I see with my own parents, and therefore I only have exposure to heterosexual relationships at these ages. This results in me seeing myself in a similar relationship because I have no other alternative examples. Of course I'm sure this won't change my orientation as I grow older, as I am not actually attracted to any older females (or any females at all for the most part). I'm pretty sure quite a few straight people would feel the same if they weren't exposed to any heterosexual relationships.
Welcome to EC! Your position is actually quite common. It's often difficult for people to envision their future being anything but being happily and heterosexually married, usually with a nice suburban house, white picket fence, two-and-a-half kids, and so on. I'm not entirely positive WHY this is. Maybe because it's the happily-ever-after we most often see. But plenty of people settle down in the city. Or in tiny towns. And they end up having seven kids, or one kid, or no kids at all. And yes, many people settle down with somebody of the same sex. The way I usually put it is this: that future you're envisioning is still completely obtainable. The only difference is that your wife is gonna have a penis. Chances are pretty good that you're gay. And, thankfully, you don't see overly freaked out about that aspect. You seem more ill at ease about simply "not knowing". And that's fine. There's no deadline by which you have to declare your sexuality. It seems like you might be gay right now, so maybe you might try running with that for awhile. You don't have to tell anybody, but just think it to yourself. Assume you're gay. Think gay thoughts, look at guys "that way", fantasize about guys. Try it on for size, and see how it fits. Lex
This sounds an awful lot like my thinking not so long ago, and still now sometimes. I guess maybe we're brought up expecting all that white picket fence stuff to be the 'goal' and then the 'gay' version of it isn't so obvious to us. Dan Savage, who set up the it gets better campaign posted a video of him and his husband, I think the video's on the website for it, and their youtube channel. They talk in it about how they've adopted a son and have fit into each others families, etc. It's a really good example of how the future doesn't really have to change that much.
If you're looking for examples of relationships working in the future, there are some examples. Stephen Fry and Ian Mckellan are good examples of older gay men who are in committed relationships. If you want more, check out Attitude magazine, which does a feature every week called truly madly deeply, and showcases long standing gay relationships. For other roll models, one of their back issues (from last month i think) has a massive section of gay men in all walks of life, and to help finding this one it has a massive picture of Stephen fry (who may just be my hero..) on the front. Having a look at things like this and realising that not all gay men are young can help you feel more comfortable about your sexuality, and perhaps make it seem less like a phase of youth.
Most people have that problem at some point. It's not until I actually dated another man that I could see myself with a guy later in life. That's one thing that holds people back a lot in the coming out process. You think, no I couldn't be gay because I can't see myself in a relationship with a guy, but honestly, it feels really great to date a guy because you don't have to pretend to be something different. At least I know that's how it was for me. If I had tried to date a girl, it really wouldn't work out because i'm not interested in women sexually, and that IS a big part of a relationship. Don't think about your future in this situation. You just have to go with it, and realize that you like whatever you like. If you find men attractive and you'd go further with a guy than you'd want to with a girl, then likely you are gay, but there's nothing wrong with that and it really doesn't mean your life has to be any different. Gay people still manage to have kids and get married (in some states) and every day we're getting closer to getting full and equal rights. Also, in a lot of ways being gay makes life more interesting. There are so few of us in compairison to the straight community, it really makes for an interesting life.
Yes, I would say most introductions here go something like that! It's something that I'm sure there will be more research done on in time to come, why it is that people who find themselves more and more exclusively gay as they reach adulthood had feelings for girls in their school years, and why the age this change happens differs, why there are some gay men who were fairly much never attracted to women, how much of this is crazy adolescent hormones, how much is the straight-biased culture we live in. It's a mystery to me now that I'm only attracted to boys or men that I did have very clear feelings for particular girls between the ages of 12 and 22, intermittently with feelings for boys as well, sometimes one more for a while, then the other, or whatever. In the short to medium term, don't think too much of where you think you'll be years from now, as you really don't know. Most likely, if you do start a relationship with a boy, or even just dating or meeting other gay boys in some way, you might find your perceptions changing.
