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"Straight" crush or delusional fantasy?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by orange1824, Dec 12, 2010.

  1. orange1824

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    I know this has been brought up hundreds of times but I just wanted to get a little personal advice on this:

    I have this crush on this guy at my school and while he claims he's straight, he acts very suggestive at times and is mildly effeminate (as in the way he sits, talks, acts, etc. / he'll sometimes touch his best friend sort of intimately). He'll sometimes do things that are directed towards me but I don't know if he does it as if to mock me or humor himself because he has possibly caught on to me being bi and liking him, or if he's just trying to send signals to me. Outside of school, he never seems to want to talk but in school he'll always say hi to me and talk. Mixed signals or just something I'm making up in my mind because I like him? I sometimes have a tendency to have a skewed perspective on things and can take things way out of proportion in my mind due to feelings and emotions. I'm not really sure what to think of it or what to do. I don't want to become annoying and constantly try to talk to him or ask him about it again and it make it weird, but I hate feeling "stuck."

    What do you guys think?
     
  2. gaius

    gaius Guest

    I think you have to choices here, ask him or assume its a no and move on. Asking him has the obvious advantage that if he is in to you you might get him, the downside is that you risk outing yourself to him (if you haven't already) and perhaps making the friendship awkward. If you take the option to just move on, you might find it takes a long time without the closure of a yes or no answer; it will however, seeing as he says he's straight, be probably the easier choice in the long run.

    I must point out that i also know how you feel as I'm sure I've fallen for most of my straight friends at some point! and i know that it isn't easy to do either of the two suggestions i have made, but try not to waste time chasing something you can't have because it always leads to hurt.

    (ps. other ec'ers will probably say that i do exactly what I'm advising you not too :grin:)
     
  3. Lexington

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    My general rule is this - if someone says he's straight, believe him. Because either he's straight, or he's far enough in denial that it's not worth trying to drag him out and do something. Best bet? Be gay, out, proud and happy. If he IS in the closet, he'll see by your example that it's totally find to be gay and out, and might consider following you out. And if he's straight...well, you're living an out and happy life - that should be plenty. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. midwestblues

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    In high school, there are plenty of gay and especially bi guys who claim they're straight just because of the social pressure. If he's sending you signals, I'd say it's at least worth testing the waters. You might not be as delusional as you think.
     
  5. orange1824

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    Thanks guys. I think I'm just going to hold out for a while and see how it goes and if nothing really comes of it after testing the waters, I'm just gonna move on for my own sake. I think if he really isn't straight, it's probably only because of social pressure as midwestblues said. I'm not going to dwell on something for too long. I've found out that if I do that, I only set myself up to get hurt and irritated.

    And gaius, haha I have a tendency to not follow my own advice as well. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Thanks again.