So, here's my situation: I'm currently a sophomore in college. I first started coming out to people the summer before my freshman year (two summers ago). During my freshman year, I started consciously checking out other guys, and just exploring my sexuality. This year, I feel like I've spent a lot more time checking out guys. That includes in the bathroom. I live in a dorm, and in my bathroom, you have the sinks, the toilets, and the showers, all in a row. So, if you're at the sinks, you can glance sideways and catch a glimps of the people going in and out of the showers. It's especially nice when people dry themselves out of the shower. When they dry their hair, you can glance over, and they'll never know. Now, I'm pretty sure the vast majority of you are going to want to kill me if I start complaining about this, but I'm going to do it anyway. Well, it's not the above situation that I'm complaining about. It's what seems to have resulted is what I'm frustrated about. I think I'm starting to get addicted to the bathroom. I've heard of people getting addicted to porn. Or at least, I've read stories about it in those websites that warn you not to look at porn. One thing that I've started to worry about is not that I'm getting addicted to porn (i've only viewed it a couple times since I got to college a month and a half ago), but that I'm getting addicted to viewing the guys in the bathroom. I try to time my morning shower so I'll get there when other guys are getting out. I feel slightly depressed if I don't "see" anyone. If I hear anyone taking a shower, I'll try to find some excuse to spend some time in the bathroom. I also spend a bit too much time thinking about the bathroom, when I'm trying to get homework done. Normally, I wouldn't consider this a problem. But, I feel like it's started affecting my emotions way to much (as if I almost "need" to see people every day). I could be blowing this out of proportion. My morals from pre-coming out might be having a fight with my post- desires. But whatever the reason, I really just need to figure out some sort of solution to it. So yeah, that's a really long post... Kudos to you if you read it all. I'll be curious if/what people have to say about it.
Dear Friend, I greatly appreciate your candor and eloquence in describing your concerns about wanting to see other naked men. First of all, your desire is entirely normal and healthy. If straight men had the opportunity to hang out in the shower room of the women's locker room, you can be sure very little would be accomplished academically at your university. In fact, I dare say learning would pretty much come to a stop at least for several weeks, perhaps months, perhaps indefinitely. People would be selling lawn chairs in the quad area so all the men crowded inside the women's shower area would have a place to sit and talk while they watch. So I want to assure you, your interest and desire is normal. Now for the possibility of an addiction developing. One can become "addicted" to almost anything, sugar, salt, television, nicotine and other drugs, naked people, you name it, it's possible to develop an addiction. My recommendation to you is to do a little self-analysis about your particular interest in these naked men. My guess is that you are longing for a relationship with another man and your feelings of longing to be in the bathroom are really just your longing to be in a loving relationship with a man. I would recommend that you get active in your university's GLBT group(s) and meet some men with whom you can build intimacy. Meanwhile, don't let your desires to see naked men frighten you or shame you or disturb you. You are normal. You are 19, in the prime of your sexual desire and energy and full of curiosity. Make sure you are aware of how to protect your health when engaging in sexual behavior and remember that you are ALWAYS in control of your own body. You may say "no" at any point, at any time, in any situation, when you don't feel entirely comfortable with what's going on. You should NEVER continue in a sexual situation in which you do not feel entirely comfortable and wanting to be there. Never do something just to try to keep another guy from getting angry. If he gets angry over something, it's his problem and you're better off without him. I wish you the best in finding what you're really longing for. Penises are beautiful to look at, but after a few years of looking at them, you find that what is even more wonderful (or lousy) is the heart of the man behind the penis. Wishing you the best, Brian Kraemer
Thats hot! just kidding, but ti is completly normal, who wouldnt want to see some naked guys. Well just dont get caught But seirously, mabye you should meeting some guys and even dating. This bathroom thing sounds like it is filling a void in your life
this reminds me of when i had gym class last year and we all changed together. i think it is fine up to the point that it would control your life. if its all you can think about then it may be getting a little out of hand. but its not a bad thing. but something becomes an addiction when it rules your life and controls your thoughts.
brianakraemer, thanks for your advice. Some of it was definitely true. Other parts made me laugh, but not because of what you wrote. First off, yes, I know everything is normal. I also know that gay men are really lucky in this regard. Society as a whole seems to frown down on straight men who try to peak into women's bathrooms. Gay men, however, can gaze into their own bathroom until their heart's content (or until whoever they're gazing at either takes them home or knocks them out). I'm not worried about what I'm doing. I'm worried about the amount of time I spend thinking about it. In regards to the local GLBT group, I have already joined a GLBT group. Unfortunately, when I chose my college, I had not yet completely come out to myself. Thus, I didn't think about what the consequences might be when I decided to attend a small, Christian-affiliated, liberal arts college. I did find a group, but much to my dismay, there are 3-4 guys (including myself) that usually attend. I know for a fact that 2 of them are straight. Thus, I am left with one option who, although I am good friends with him, I don't think we'll end up together. There are a few other gays I know of (4, actually), but none of them are my type. I think, if I really want to try to find someone, I'm going to have to start searching somewhere besides my college. I don't have a car, so that might be a little difficult. Plus, I don't care to visit a gay bar/dance club. Bryan: Don't worry. I try pretty hard not to get caught. As I'll be living with the same people for the rest of the year, I don't want people to get bad impressions of me. If nothing else, I don't want them avoiding me. And yes, as several of you have mentioned, I'm pretty sure a lot of this is caused by me really wanting a boyfriend (don't we all...). Another problem I know I have is I wait for things to happen to me. For instance, when I go online, I don't usually start conversations. I wait for people to start talking to me (which may or may not happen). I know I need to be more active, if I want to see anything happen, but it's just so easy to sit back and take what comes... Unfortunately for me, no one's come, yet... :dry:
Possibly the best way to get off this 'addiction' would be to go cold turkey. Like try not going to the bathroom just to look at guys for say 3 days, and then try for a week, and keep increasing the time spent not looking at guys. If it helps even go to the bathroom early/late so no one else will be there. And of course there's the other option of keeping yourself occupied with other things. If you have a computer and like games, why not get a game you'd be able to play for hours on end? Or if you have an assignment you might enjoy then why not get it done early? Of course the main thing is with this is for you to gain the willpower to stop it. Once you're 110% with wanting to stop you'll be able to. Good luck. =) (But of course checking out guys isn't really that bad.. But it can eventually start doing more damage to you)
I think that one of the problems reminiscent is that there's nothing like seeing something in the flesh. 3D is so much better than acted 2D.
