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How to help a friend with depression

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by matt3208pc, Dec 13, 2010.

  1. matt3208pc

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    Hey guys,
    So I'm realising I've been posting on this board quite a lot the last few weeks, I guess life has been a little complicated lately, but I do feel that I need some advice.

    I've got a friend (a former love interest, but that's irrelevant now) who is going through some pretty serious depression. I've only known him for three months or so, but I know that he's been battling with this for years. He's on medication, but is not in counseling or therapy. Although I'm sure there is more behind it, he tells me the reason is a breakup he had three years ago, which led to him attempting to commit suicide. He drinks a lot, and by my own observations he's definitely an alcoholic.

    I just don't know how to help him, he's so closed off, he hates talking about things, and prefers to drink away with sad music on in the background. It's not so much that I'm worried about him hurting himself, I don't think he would try that again, I just don't know what to do. I try reminding him of the good things in his life - he has a wonderful accepting family, a lot of friends, runs his own successful business as a mechanic (which at 24 is pretty good), owns his own home. I feel like he needs perspective, I'm just at a loss as to how to give it to him. He claims it's easier to hate everything in life rather than care about things. The only practical solution I've been able to offer is advise him to see somebody, but that idea was shot down very quickly.

    Basically I just need help on how to deal with the situation. Thanks in advance guys.
     
  2. Lexington

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    Having been through a couple bouts of pretty severe depression myself, I'll just say that absolutely nothing helps more than to know that you're there and available to listen. It's very easy to believe that you need to offer solutions or advice, but actually, you don't. You just need to make yourself available, listen when he goes on one of his rants, feel free to say things like "God, that must suck". And that's all. You might gently suggest that him drinking simply numbs the pain temporarily, and adds the "I'm drunk all the time" problems on top of his other problems. But I have a feeling he's not ready to deal with that yet. Just let him know you're there.

    Lex
     
  3. malachite

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    Your friend sounds like me. Knowing that someone knows I'l down makes me feel....I guess weak is the word. I like having people around, but if I don't want to talk about that doesn't mean I want to be alone.

    I'd say just be there offer your time, and if he doesn't want to talk about things, but be there and if he wants to open up listen, you don't have to offer advice just listen.