Should I renounce my religion?

do you have to go to a catholic church to have a relationship with god?

There are various churches that will accept all, including churches known as 'Affirming in christ', and the unitarians are very accepting.

depending on the synod affiliation, lutherens can be accepting if you find a moderate congregation.

---------- Post added 13th Dec 2010 at 11:07 PM ----------

also: http://www.gaychurch.org/ has listings.

 

Although your sexual orientation is a factor, consider everything that you may be giving up. Myself, I gave up Catholicism LONG before I even knew I was in denial about being bi. I think it was when I realized that I basically bluffed my way through Confirmation classes.

I wish you luck. A year ago my brother went through what I can only call "insurmountable differences" with the church and had a crisis of faith. He became sorta depressed for a little while.

I don't know what advice I'm trying to give. It's a personal decision, which should depend on how you feel deep inside.

 

I'm a Catholic. I'm also gay. I still attend Mass every week. I also happen to strongly disagree with the Church on many issues (not just homosexuality). While the general congregation and the priest won't know that I'm gay, I stand beside family members and friends who do know I'm gay. So just because you're gay and out, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to "renounce" your religion. There's no right or wrong thing to do, its purely down to how you feel about your religion and whether you wish to still be a part of it or not, its very much a personal choice. The only thing I'd say to definitely NOT do is to put pressure on, or insist that, others give up their faith

I've struggled with my faith over the years too, and I still do sometimes. However, I've reconciled my own personal beliefs with my sexuality after doing some research on the topic. I still go to Church, to express my own faith (in a way it has always been personal) rather than give homage to the Pope (which is sometimes how I feel the Catholic Church behaves).

Its a common myth that all Catholics are somehow homophobic, or believe in everything the Church tells them too. That clearly isn't the case. For example, take contraception. The vast majority of Catholics totally disregard this "rule" and use contraception, in direct opposition to the Church. You'll find most aren't that fussed about the fact that some people are gay (most of them will know people who are). My belief is that the majority of people don't really care about the technicalities of their faith, but rather, find Jesus's message appealing to them and use that as a guide as to how to live their lives (a message which, incidentally, doesn't mention homosexuality at all). So what I'm trying to say is that, I very much doubt you won't get support from other Catholics. I don't know where you're from however, I'm from the UK so I can only speak about my own experience, but this is the case here.

What you didn't say in your post was how YOU felt. Does your faith mean something to you? If so, what? Is it the rules of men that concern you, or rather what you personally take from reading the Gospels etc? No-one can really answer those questions apart from you, and the only reason you should give up your faith/religion is if YOU, and nobody else, wants to.

 

I thinkmaybe your seeing God in a backwards way. The Church may not like the fact that you're gay, but that is the CHURCH, not God. They have their rules and as far I can remeber relgion wasn't intended to be for certain people only. Yes they'll throw bull shit at you like the book says gay this and the book says gay that, but the book also says getting divorced is a sin, does the church turn away people who get divorced? That same book also says working on a Sunday is a sin, so why does the church bother to hold even mass for people who have working during that Sunday? They should be cast out like the swine they are!!!! And, lets not forget that ol' leviticus also called an abomination, eatting shell fish (no I'm not making this up), so why isn't anyone whoes ever been to Red Lobster banned from the Church?

Long and short, God doesn't hate gays that is bullshit made up close minded people who don't want our kind in their "club" a real person of the church would not turn you away, and besides when you go you don't have to wear your shirt that says: "I'm gay, ask me how"

Yes, you can go to Church.
Yes, you can go with your family.

 

I will encourage you to please don't give up on your faith, that is part of who you are and the path you've followed. Because of the struggle you show in your post, I will very whole-heartily advise you to not give up on the Catholic church and like the guys who posted before me, you can be gay and Catholic. I am yet another example, and if it makes a difference I am in Latin America.

People in this situations are very concerned of what will be said or how people will react. Well, supposedly, we are meant not to judge, remind them of that. And pretty much the only thing off-limits is to take your boyfriend to church and kissing him in the lips. The Catholic Catechism states that the Church is aware that many many people have innate tendencies towards homosexuality. They know we exist. And they do ask us to live a life in chastity, pretty much you can apply what it is asked to heterosexual couples to your personal orientation.

We need people to help bring a renewal on many Churches. Giving up on the Church won't make it any easier for the people who feel out of place because of this, but sticking around because of your beliefs while maybe contributing a little bit to the change towards true acceptance and to really practice the commandment of "Love", that's admirable.

However, if you do renounce to Catholicism, please do not renounce to God. Yes, church is dependent from God but that doesn't mean that you should be dependent to a church to have a relationship with the Big Boss.

Happy Holidays! Be strong, and my prayers are with you.

 

Check out the Espiscopalians. One of my incredibly-devout gay Catholic friends finally, after 28 years, bailed on the Catholic church and found the Episcopalians had exactly what he needed.

Personally, I'd urge you to do more than just church-jump and instead take some serious reading and reflection time to explore all manner of belief and disbelief and figure out what it is that truly grooves with you as a person. Don't just check out the Episcopalians or the Lutherans or the Presbyterians or the Baptists. Read up on some Pagan beliefs. Take a look at Buddhism. Do you believe in Astrology or reincarnation at all? Does the idea of God or Gods make sense to you? Maybe you believe there's something higher than us, but not one entity as depicted in many religions, i.e. pantheism.

There are a number of responses urging you to not denouce god. I would assert that these are incorrect responses. Belief is and should remain a very personal thing, and what's right for me isn't right for you isn't right for Jay isn't right for Malachite. I came to my present state of mostly disbelief after a lot of pain, reading, and soul-searching and after being very devoutly religious. My formerly-Catholic now-Episcapalian friend had a different path that led him to a much better place, at least for him.

I won't urge you to denouce god or not denounce god. I WILL urge you to take very serious time and read, ask, soul-search, and consider, and try to find the right thing for you.

As for your specific question about attending mass with the family, there are two solid approaches that you could take here. You could attend mass with the family, sort of "playing nice" and really taking it as an opportunity to look at the mass through a new lens. Instead of getting swept up in it, try to keep a distanced and critical view of it as you're there. See if it still makes sense to you, or if it's become jibberish.

The other approach would be to delicately tell the family, in advance, that you'd prefer not to attend mass this year, that you've been questioning your faith and that you feel it inappropriate to be there essentially pretending instead of participating. This approach puts a bit of distance between you and the church, where you'd get a bit of time to reflect on it all on your own terms.


Like I said, I won't tell you what thing to choose, but if I can help with insights one way or the other, please let me know.

 

I dont even get how you could ask this question. Either you believe in it or you dont.

 

You obviously dont believe in the same religion as your church does seeing you are happy enough with your sexuality and they are not.

But if you're asking us to entirely ignore the religious element, which I suspect you are, then you have three choices:
1. Understand that you will never be accepted and STFU about it.
2. Quit that church and accept the consequences (possible family arguments etc).
3. Carry on going to keep the peace but quietly bitch about it on the internet every now and again.

 

That is entirely a matter for you. The question you should be asking others is not "should i renounce my religion?", but "what are the reasons for and against the renouncing of my religion?"

you're the only one who can make your mind up about whether those reasons form a solid enough basis for renouncement or not.

Someone who isn't catholic, doesn't have any catholic relatives at all, and no affiliation to the catholic religion would of course say yes, you should. But that's useless to you. What you want to know really is whether or not all of the pros and all of the cons lie in one way or the other.

I don't think ANY religion's dogma (dogma is a very important qualifying word here) in the world has a healthy attitude towards sexual orientation, and thus those of us living outside of the monogamous, procreative, heterosexual, non-deviating ideal don't fit well with them. That's not to say that people who aren't monogamous, procreative, heterosexual and/or non-deviating are incompatible with faith... Not at all. You can disagree with dogma and remain faithful. It's up to you whether or not you can achieve balance with yourself and your faith.

If you can't, then you know the answer.

 

No you don't. If you're worried about whether you should go because of the gay vs. anti-gay thing, then it's not all peaches and cream, as you assert here.

As for going to mass with the fam, I think you're doing fine there. Like I said, you can play nice and avoid any issues/blowups/drama at a time that's all about family togetherness, and you can, like you said, contemplate and consider. Like I said earlier, take it as an opportunity to pay attention critically, instead of just getting swept up in the up up down down sing pray sing pray read homily leave of it all. Pay attention to the elements of the mass, the words being said, and consider whether it still "does it" for you, or whether you've outgrown it as a person.

I understand what you're saying, but let me offer another view. It seems to me that your issues with your church being anti-gay, your concerns about attending Christmas mass with the family, telling your family that you're gay, and whether or not you should renounce your religion are all parts of the same concern, and addressing one will naturally impact the others. If you come out to the fam first, then you still have to deal with going to mass and your relationship with religion as an openly gay person. If you resolve your relationship with religion (however that plays out), then you still have to come out to the fam. They're all integral pieces of the bigger puzzle. If you come out to the fam, that sets a stage for you to leave church/your religion because you're uncomfortable being a gay person in an anti-gay church. If you deal with the religion, then you leave the church and use that as a springboard to coming out. Of course, this is a gross simplification, but you hopefully get where I'm going here.

 

If you decide to renounce Catholicism for their stance on homosexuality, you might want to consider the Universalist church as a switch. They are strongly supportive of gay and lesbian rights. I am Buddhist by theology but I am still considering moving to the Universalist church just for the social/community aspects, since the Buddhist community here is quite small.

 

"Renouncing" seems awfully formal. You can keep going to mass, you can decide to go to another church (or another sect), or give it up altogether. Up to you.

Lex

 

If religion has formerly been a strong element in your life, and you are just coming to terms with your own homo/bisexuality, there is still a way to make the two work advocated by most clinical psychologists who specialize in gay affirmative therapy.

Upon a much closer examination of most Christian sects, there are actually very few who explicitly condemn the act of being homosexual...the sticking point is the actual sexual activity between two males or two females. Nothing in the Christian scriptures forbids you from having a loving and non-sexual relationship with another man.

If you wish to remain in the Catholic church, you'll be pleased to know that the church is not gay-hostile, but rather believes that gay individuals are called to a life of celibacy (this is somewhere in the CCC if you want to look it up.) Other sects, particularly southern Protestant ones, are not so friendly and believe, erroneously and contrary to demonstrable science, that homosexuality is a choice. While I'm not entirely convinced that celibacy is a healthy way of living, this is one possible route you can feel free to take.

I would suggest you do the whole self-examination, thinking, blah-de-yada. If you want my opinion, no deity would make something harmless, beneficial, and beautiful a sin. But that's something you're gonna have to create your own mental paths toward believing; me just saying it won't convince you.

 

You should never insist for anyone to change anything for you. If you want to change your religion then you go ahead, but don't expect anyone to do the same.

As far as religion goes you have many options. You can either change religions, forget about religion or simply keep going and not worry too much about it. I don't think there is a wrong answer here. Just don't think that you HAVE to leave your religion because you are gay.