Hey everyone, so I'm very much new here. I finally found somewhere I can share how I have been feeling for a long time now. Everyday for a good while now I have been struggling with my sexuality. I am currently in a relationship with a guy, I have been actually for 6 yrs on and off. However, I have been developing these feelings for women that I don't know what to do. It's like one minute I'm totally into my guy and then it's like i want to go out with a woman. I'm so confused!! Me and him had broken up a while ago because we just weren't really clicking. I just wasn't in the relationship like i should've been bc i have been so confused as to if he is what i really want. I decided to give the relationship another go because its what i wanted at the time, but now im second guessing if it is what I really wanted. I feel like i didn't give myself time to explore what i really do want, if that makes any sense. Idk all i know is everyday is a strugle for me to identify what i want or like. I've been pretty scared to talk to my friends about it because they are all so open and comfortable and i feel like they would think its just a phase, but idk if it is..ahh sorry for writing alot i just been waiting along time to get that out..thanks for reading if u stuck around to finsih, and i would appreciate any advice or comments you all have!!
Welcome to EC! A lot of people struggle with uncertainty as to their sexual orientation, certainly I did. It's complicated by the fact that sexual orientation is, for many of us, not fixed. Mine's been fluid. I was a lot straighter in middle and high school than I am now, and that could change again. Coming out, even when we know our family and friends will accept us, is hard. And it's a very personal choice. I think being open can be helpful, you don't have to make a big deal out of it, but when you're uncertain yourself, it's hard to come out; you don't know what to come out as!
Thanks! I totally agree with you on not making a big deal out of it, but it is hard when i just don't know what to think or anything lately. I feel like i have certain people in my life who will understand and than others who wont be as understanding. IDK it just felt nice to finally express all of this, i've been wanting to for quite some time now.
Welcome to EC! You certainly wouldn't be the first person to start questioning their sexuality at that age. I know it's easy to think that everybody "knows" by age 13 or so, but frankly that ain't so. I had no clue at all until I was about 19 or 20 myself. The general advice I give to people in your situation is this. Don't stress it. I know it's easy to do, to want to "figure it out once and for all", but it's not the sort of thing that responds to conscious moves. It'll make sense when it makes sense, and no matter how much time and effort you put into thinking about it (or even obsessing about it), it won't come any faster. Try to accept that it's out of your hands, and you're just along for the ride. Become comfortable with it. Right now, your sexuality is "fluid". Or "unsure". Or "fluctuating between gay and straight". Whatever you feel like calling it. Accept it. Maybe it'll all calm down, and you'll end up straight. Or gay. Or bisexual. No telling. But do try to be at peace with it all. In regards to your boyfriend, that's your call. Impassively, I'd say break up with him. It's tough enough to suss out your sexuality at times like this without adding in the pressure of "so what about my boyfriend?" But that'll be your call. I think it's something you should eventually work on talking to him about - as weird as it is to talk to somebody about something like this, it's often even harder to keep him in the dark (as he'll keep wondering what he's doing wrong, or what's going through your mind). But I'd definitely work on getting yourself to a better spot first. As for your friends, again, you first. It sounds like they'd at least be supportive, even if they won't completely "get" what's going on. And that's fine. Lex
