Over the years ive had alot of confusion over my sexuality, at around age 12 i thought i was gay and started to accept it, but at late 14 - present, i've been wondering again.... I don't think im straight, maybe bi, but basically, there's this girl... Early on in year 8/9 (age 12/13) we went out for about a month, then again twice more for like a week or a few days each time. Then, in year 11 (present) i got my first boyfriend, we then broke up after a few weeks, but the whole time, i was still wondering about this girl. I allways walk home with her, and for the past few years she allways says i act weird when we're alone compared to when with other people and i think this might be becase im allways thinking about the possibility of us getting together again :/ So for years now, since we broke up really, i've been thinking about her. Problem is, i've identified myself as gay to her and a few other people and i find it quite a stretch of the imagination to see myself having sex with her, though i can easily imagine having a family together. Also, she said a few months ago that she was in love with me (i didn't act on it really, i just started mumbling) but then after a while went out with someone else, though they broke up after a week, so i don't know if she still likes me in that way anyway... Lastly, tomorrow we are going xmas shopping together and having dinner in a restaurant (with a friend their too)- just thought i'd add it in..... cant wait So i guess what im asking is: Should i tell her how i feel? Ask her out? or what...
I've recently been of the persuasion that anyone can fall in love with anyone, regardless of orientation. Sure, you don't feel sexual attraction toward that person, but you do feel near-identical feelings toward someone as if you were in something properly labeled "love." This line of thought, assuming it's true, would make it possible for you to have feelings for her without accompanying sexual inclinations. My advice is to ask her out and explore this side of yourself, but avoid becoming heavily invested or committing too early unless you know that you can both love her and provide for her sexual needs. There really is only one way you can know for sure whether or not you like a specific gender. ---------- Post added 16th Dec 2010 at 12:30 AM ---------- Wait a tic. I just noticed your age. Dude, you got a long way to go before the dust even begins to settle on your sexuality. Don't jump right into things just yet, but do stick to dating around at this point in time. My biggest regret was never doing more to overcome what was stopping me from dating at fifteen.
The second thing Zontar says is quite true. You still have plenty of time, don't just stick with something. Just tell yourself you like people . I also wanted to say that it is perhaps that you are emotionally attracted to your girl friend, but not physically or sexually attracted, which is a possibility. I don't believe a relationship necessarily could or should result from this, but I think she could be an extremely close friend as time goes on. I've met a girl who is amazing in university, and while I wouldn't say she made me question my sexuality, there was always something in the back of my head that made me go "what if". The thing is though, soon as we kissed one time when she was drunk (lol), i swear I felt sick to my stomach...it was the most awkward thing to me and it just was like *ding ding ding* I knew then I was 100% gay as a rainbow. Not saying you should kiss her or anything (unless you already have lol), but I mean if this girl doesn't do it for you in that department but you still think of her, I'm betting you're gay but with just an emotional attraction to your friend. Of course I could be completely wrong and just sound stupid. What I'm getting at mostly is that sexuality is fluid and being 15, you should just not worry about it so much, let whatever happen, happen. Fate's a cruel mistress sometimes, but sometimes she can be a benevolent one. After all, she let me find someone who is the male version of the girl I was talking about and I couldn't be happier
To be fair, most credible research seems to indicate that sexual orientation is fixed either before or soon after birth, so to clarify, your orientation isn't likely to change one way or the other, but you may well still be figuring out what, exactly, it is. And... you could be one of the small percentage of people who are totally bisexual with little to no preference for either sex in particular. So as others have said... relax and see where it leads you.
Thanks for all the advice so far guys Update now - just had that day out and it did seem there was quite a romantic feel to it... She often hugs me/cuddles me and on the train to this place and back she kept snuggling up to me But, i CAN kind of see us in a sexual relationship, (I don't think a non-sexual relationship would be possible, at least long-term.) but i can't see me with any other girls really, so if i DO like girls too then why would it just be this girl :S Not really any extra advice i can see you giving from this, just thought i'd update and let you know what's going on... if you care...
Gay? Bisexual? Straight? you can love whoever you want boy! no matter whether it's a boy or it's girl you don't need to label yourself you should only do what you know and what you feel will make you happy and without a future regret
I've stopped long ago with labels, it's ridiculous. Still, I always say I'm bi. (well, to myself, as I'm only out to three friends) But I fall in love with a human being, and so do you, I guess.
