What a ride this has been. Thank you to everyone who has posted answers, support, and recommendations for me--it has been a critical part in my process. I must say I was fortunate to have a diverse support group consisting of a couple very good and close individuals, plenty of articles online, plenty of YouTube videos, Prayers for Bobby, and a variety of other people/resources here and there. In a period of 36 hours I went from never planning to tell a soul to everyone must know. It was grueling time period and I'm still not fully convinced of myself, but feel a surreal attachment to the process--that I just did it and didn't have control over doing it. At this point I have directly told 5 people with permission for them to share to 2 more. The news is spreading as I allow it (so I think). Next is my extended family. I still have a lot to think about and process but things are definitely happening. The sad thing is that this has really taken a toll on my body in every way. I am emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. drained. The last time I felt this low it took me 6 months to recover. It's funny but as people ask me if I'm SURE, I can barely spit out YES because my sex drive has all but vanished from this. Should I call the few extended family heads I care the most about or just send a mass email to everyone?
LOL woops. Everyone took it with 99% no problem. I can still sense a little time needed to grasp it but everyone has outright said they are totally alright with it. The funniest part of this whole matter is the responses I have gotten from some people. Or even the questions. I now wonder if a few of the people are closeted themselves. One outright said maybe he/she is gay...one who is well into a relationship. I guess people still make me feel a bit bad -- and I do myself a bit -- but I can say well, other lives may look great and fulfilling but maybe they are just hiding who they really are. At least I am becoming comfortable with my sexuality. Something I never thought I would do. ---------- Post added 15th Dec 2010 at 09:43 PM ---------- Why do people ask me how do I know?! I can't believe how foolish many of the questions sound--of course I calmly answer them and often turn them back on them...how do you know you're whatever orientation you are? I make it a point to NEVER assume someone's orientation because they could just as easily be closeted! I keep getting closer and closer to thinking everyone around me is closeted. Some of their responses or follow up discussions! agh!
We all have a little fabulous in us!!! Anyways, if you're planning to send a mass email, I heartily advise to do it as Hidden Copy. That way it will reach everyone but no one will know who else got it, less chance for gossip. Make it something personal, saying "I wanted to tell you" so on, so on, so on. And after this take a break. I mean you told already the people you care about, right? So no need for the rest of the world to know. It will become easier as you go. And if someone asks "are you gay?" chances are that said person is interested in you at least on a friendship level with high chances of going into something else And chill. No biggie. You're a great person and well, if they don't like you because you're gay, they can go suck an egg.
My letter is actually 5 good paragraphs. My uncle said it's the best writing I've ever done. It gets into me, my secret, some suggestions for good/bad responders, offers myself for guidance, plans some fun in the future, and says see you soon (flying home tomorrow). It really is worded well. I say it like Ricky Martin did at the bottom of the first paragraph, then ~4 more to elaborate and let it sink in.
More and more people...absolutely no negativity to report yet. At least I'll have that to throw in the first inappropriate person's face.
How do you do that? I'm definetly not planning to tell people. At least not soon. In a few years, I go to the university, maybe then, but even my family don't know. Just my best friends.
This is just wrong how good people have been. ZERO negativity. People going out of their way to tell me they love and nothing will ever change that. Their posts to my Facebook wall are amazing but still generic, saying DISTANCE, nothing can ever change our relationships. I'm going to a big family Christmas party today and I've basically told all the household heads with permission for them to share the information. So everyone should pretty much know. I wonder if I'll sit at a table and let people cycle around me? lol. AND I get the added benefit of probably being the guy that any closeted individuals will flock to, in private. Of course now I think EVERYONE is secretly gay because of reason 1,2,3...lol. GAY IS FABULOUS. Wow I never thought in 2 weeks I would be talking/thinking/living like this.
!!!! Congratulations!!! And about the Christmas party, well, what you'd normally do? Well, do that but with a big huge enormous smile on your face, because you're obviously having the time of your life.!!! I am so happy for you!!!
The most surprising information I gained from coming out is that the only person who really suspected I was gay was my boss at work--I work in a tiny company and it's basically just the two of us. My whole family says they were shocked. Prayers for Bobby answered a ton of questions for my parents. I went about the party as usual, knowing that basically everyone was made aware. Only one person brought it up to me (closest cousin to me) and it was a bit tough but I calmed myself down and thanked him for his support. I really barely even felt different interactions! Everyone seemed about the same, maybe a touch more interested in making sure they talked to me. It was a little annoying more people didn't bring it up--but I understand why. You don't really go up and say CONGRATS to people, although my Los Angeles family did some of that. People who really know themselves and the issues are able to appreciate the effort required to do this. That's it! Both families are fully aware with me having actually seen one but not the other, but both have made it very clear from the beginning that there will be no negativity. I could not have predicted this being even close to this easy. Wow! I support some light hearted jokes because that is how my families are and I still like all the gay jokes--just like other groups of people are made fun of. We asked if some people wanted to come over after the party. As they were whining about other commitments I said, "It's because I'm gay isn't it." We all laughed. It obviously helps break the ice and calm everyone's nerves too.
