In El Salvador, most of the active LGTBQ community is very, very flamboyant. I assisted in June to the Gay Parade they organize and most recently I went to a religious service held at an Anglican Church (our little cousins ^^) which pretty much were 20 very flamboyant people and a priestess. I ran out of ideas. I want to feel included, I don't know... somewhat like a GSA? Or whatever... but there is no such thing here. I hate to think that there are no other people like me, you know... not masculine but not flamboyant (like in the middle!) and is not that I want to meet someone to hook-up, I just want people who I can develop a friendship and to who I can speak to even more openly than my current hetero friends. PS. I am out to pretty much everyone now.
The problem is because they are not flamboyant you don't actively perceive them as gay. One of the road blocks you might have is a negative perception of flamboyancy... some of my better friends are more flamboyant and i am very much not. I'd say get past this idea that you somehow can't connect with flamboyant people, they are just as capable of having the same interests and being good people to develop friendships with as anyone else. I do know how you feel because i used to feel the same way, i think most gay people do, they are out to prove how the stereotype is bad, or how they are not the stereotype, or how they don't fit in with all the other gays etc etc but eventually you have to say GTF over it, there is nothing wrong with flamboyancy, stereotypes are bs and if you happen to fit part of it there is nothing wrong with that. (run on sentence like a mofo i know) Just meet people and get to know people instead of thinking of it as flamboyant, or my type, or whatever other labels you put on people. It is so much easier and it will make you a better person. Besides i met most of my more masculine gay friends via my flamboyant friends including my last boyfriend. hope i helped
Life doesn't work like a middle school cafeteria. I'm not flamboyant by nature, but I'll strongly attest that most flamboyant gays are amazing. I'd much rather hang out with a flock of flamboyants than with people who feel they have something to prove by restricting their social contact based on labels and stereotypes.
I understand what you people tell me. It's that I just don't like to be around flamboyant people and I am sorry if I offend anyone with this. I feel that it's a show they are putting up that is completely unnecessary. But maybe that is just me and I have to change that perception.
It really is something that you have to work through. I personally had to work through it as well. I'm like you, I'm in the "middle." I'm not the most masculine of guys, but I'm not flamboyant either. The more I meet and get to know the more flamboyant guys the more I'm convinced that its NOT an act. I can assure you that most flamboyant guys act that way because thats how it comes naturally to them. To them acting "straight" is in fact acting; feels as wrong as you trying to act more flamboyant. Might be fun for a while, but not something you could do all the time. So my advice is to go to their things and act like yourself. Befriend these guys and get to know them. Don't act like you are better. Just be with them. Also, Flamboyant gay guys are amazing at knowing A LOT of gay guys around your area because people see them easily and approach them easily. More likely than not they know some other gay guys like you and they can help you find more friends. I know its tough and maybe you decide to exclude these "flamers" from your group of friends, but that will be your loss and not theirs. Good luck
I'm not flamboyant but I respect flamboyants because they are human beings just like everybody else and I'm sorry but I think you act like a nazi exluding people just because they are different someone with a good heart and good feelings wouldn't do what you do
See, the problem I have with the label 'flamboyant' is that it creates an arbitrary categorization of personality, which reduces the person to nothing more than their sexuality. Just because you perceive people as 'flamers' doesn't mean anything--it's you applying an arbitrary classification to them (I have a problem with the entire 'them' idea, it's inherently differential, and implies a degree of judgement that I'm deeply uncomfortable with). Try to look at people, well, like people, not straw figures. People aren't 2-dimensional (for the most part). Behind the most limp-wristed, lispy, slutty gay man that you see might be a incredible person, who you're alienating yourself from simply because they aren't 'straight acting' (Another issue: what the hell is 'straight acting'. Do you like men? Then you're implicitly gay acting--because one's sexuality has nothing more to do with their personality than who's pants they'd like to be in. Sorry.)
I hear ya. It's the most bogus term in the gay community. I'd prefer to associate with people who aren't putting on "acts".
