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whom do i tell?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by biisme, Oct 9, 2007.

  1. biisme

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    i just recently looked back on everything i've been feeling for years and realized that i'm bi. i hadn't even thought about it before, but when i did, it all made sense. my parents are supportive of gay and lesbian (for the most part), but they have a different view of bi. my sister's first boyfriend was bi and they wanted her to break up with him, believing he was going to give her a disease, and "who knows who he's been with." they obviously have amniosity against bi people. i know my best friend wouldn't mind (we have mutual friends that are bi/gay/lesbian) but we're not really touchy-feely and i wouldn't know how to bring it up. i also live in a school where almost everyone is upper-middle class, white, republican and (to stereotype here and from personal experience) they are not supportive. many frown upon the gay-straight alliance. i don't know who to tell.
     
  2. SpikySpice

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    Well, 1st of all, welcome to ECD

    Oh this is the 1st tiem I've ever heard some peopel dont like bi peopel as much as gay or lesbian.

    Well, at your school, you dont ahve to come out to anyone if you think they dont support gay/lesbian people, because you may be into bad situation if you come out. It dosent matter if you are out or not, it's not that important, we just coem out if we have good chnaces and ooportunity, so dont make yourself hard at that

    As for your parents, I'm having many thoughts now. Well you can come out to them as lesbian, but that is not good becaus eit's lying, tho it'll be easier if you later come out again as bi, because they already knwo you are not straight, if you knwo what I meant

    Or you dont have to come out to them for now, if you are not ready for the outcomes, and can not handle them, so just wait till you are ready to tell them you are bi.

    They will not liek it at first, but they'll get used to it, but I dont knwo if thsi works because they dont liek bisexual at all, but you are their daughter, so it will be fine

    Well, you are out to EC family now:slight_smile: Anyne who reads your thread know you are bi :slight_smile:
     
  3. Ilayis

    Ilayis Guest

    Your parents are weird lol!Supportive of Gays and Lebians but have a thing against Bi?Wow,I'd love to see what their reaction would be when/if you tell them!Would they still think the same about Bi people?Would they say something different just to be caught up in what they said then and now by you?This is very interesting to me biisme!Does your sister know your bi,and if she doesn't then maybe you could tell her,if you'd be comfortable with it.
    Oh yeah,welcome
     
  4. BlueRose

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    It sounds like you're still figuring out who you are sexually. I would wait until I had a definite answer before coming out to anybody. Maybe you could tell them that you are questioning your sexuality and aren't sure if you're gay/straight/bi?
     
  5. biisme

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    i'm sure i'm bi. i've "known" for a while, but only accepted it now. my sister? i know she would accept, but most likely, she would tell my parents as well. i have a weird family, not something that is helpful now.
     
  6. Bryan

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    Hi Welcome to EC!!
    Anyway, it sounds like you are ready to come out. I first came out to my best friend, because I knew she would understand and keep it a complete secret. If you trust your best friend, and know he/she will be supportive, that will be a nice option. But in the end, it is really up to you who you come out to. Also, if your school has a GSA, that may be a nice place to start, they will be confidential and they will support you in coming out. Anyway, welcome to ec, and if you want to talk feel free to PM me.
    -Bryan
    Ps- also try these people, they helped me alot! (http://www.glnh.org/hotline/index.html)

    GLBT National hotline:
    CONTACT INFO:
    Toll-free 1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

    HOURS:

    Monday thru Friday from 1pm to 9pm, Pacific Time
    Saturday from 9am to 2pm, Pacific Time

    (Monday thru Friday from 4pm to midnight, Eastern Time
    Saturday from Noon to 5pm, Eastern Time)

    Email: [email protected]

    The Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
     
    #6 Bryan, Oct 9, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2007
  7. Ilayis

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    hmmmmmmmm,well your sure theres nobody else you can tell?
     
  8. biisme

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    the GSA in my school has about 8 people in it. out of over 1200. I can’t go there anonymously because I have another club meeting on the same day, and the door to GSA is always wide open and in a populated part of school. even supporting GSA on day of silence (which I did last year), I received lots of questions, looks and judgments. i’ve managed to get most of my friends to stop saying “gay” as a derogatory term, but most of them can’t understand why I’m opposed to that (I always have been). i also have a lot of other issues with my parents and don’t want to make our situation worse. my parents have always referred to me as “the normal kid” and put a lot of pressure on me to be “normal”. with my best friend is, i can’t think of a time when i could tell her. she has a job now and i really only see her during school, or at my house (not ideal). and this is not something i want to do on the computer which is the other time i talk to her. do u think i should come out to my bi/lesbian friends before my best friend?
     
  9. Ilayis

    Ilayis Guest


    tell your bi/lesbian friend first
     
  10. Bryan

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    If these people are people you feel comfortable telling, that is a great idea! these people will be supportive of you and will understand everything you are going through
     
  11. biisme

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    thank you anyone that posted. i think that actually telling someone is harder than figuring out whom i choose. i have trouble telling people my true feelings and hide them, even from my best friend. i think this requires a big step, but one i feel i need to make. thank you all once again for your kinds words and thoughts/advice. it feels good to talk to people i know won't judge me.
     
  12. ALieToDieFor

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    Aw i love GSA
    I wanted to be in that club this year but they didnt have it at my school.
    It was happening last year.
    It looked fun.
    Well I am sure your parents wont hate you for who you are but they wont love you more so than they do now.
    If they do say something about it tell them "Im sorry you feel that way" and then walk away.
     
  13. Louise

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    I would definately start with your bi/lesbian friends. They are sure to accept you without judgement. They will be able to give you the support you need to, eventually, come out to your family and friends.

    The road to coming out is increadibly hard, you don't need me to tell you this! If you can find one or two people to accompany you it makes this burden so much easier to bear.

    I get the feeling that your parent's reaction to your sister's bisexual boyfriend was more out of ignorance that prejudice. The fact that they thought he might give her all sorts of deseases shows that they thought he was sleeping around with anything and everything. As you know, and we all know here on EC this is no more the case for bisexual than for gays or heterosexuals! Some do, some don't it is a question of personal morality more than sexual orientation.

    Maybe if your found some specific resources about bisexuality and talked generally to your parents you can educate them a bit before coming out.

    Hope it all goes well for you :kiss:
     
  14. Ty

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    Bein' gay tough, so is Bi =/
     
  15. biisme

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    we have posters around our school (put up by the few people ib GSA) that announce that coming out day is tomorrow. i've mentioned and brought attention to the posters multiple times to try and ease my way into telling my best friend but i can't seem to do it. i want to tell her tomorrow but have no idea how. is it bad to just write her a message on facebook? will that make it more akward when i see her on friday?
     
  16. SpikySpice

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    Well, if you are not comfortable to talk to her face to face, facebook is a good thing to come out, though I understand it's akward and little bt painful to meet her at school on Friday.

    But sometimes coming out face to face is easy, just speak it out, and thinsg just get off your chest, dont make eye contacts if your not comfortable

    Either way, it's your choice :slight_smile:
     
  17. biisme

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    omg, i feel like I'm going to throw up. i just sent this to my best friend on facebook. it sounds horrible. i want to take it back. o god, this is hard.






    "hmmm, i feel like this deserves a different thread...o well


    cara,

    I'm about 4 hours too early but I'm going to bed before midnight and I'd rather not do this at school. (My god, my hands are shaking....interesting.) I'm bi. "Bi" as in bisexual. I may be cracking up though because "bisexual" sounds like a weird bicycle to me right now.

    I had just thought about coming out this weekend (coincedentally this is what I dreamed about that I was thinking about in real life. though this isn't important now.) and didn't even know that tomorrow was National Coming Out Day. Now that I do know, well, it seems rather fitting.

    When you get this you will officially be the only person that knows (lucky you!) and I know I probably don't have to say it, (but I can't help it) PLEASE don't tell anyone else.

    You know I have a hard time telling people things about myself (even things that don't even really matter). Imagine how hard this is, especailly since I've only just recently accepted it, though I've known for a while.

    SO, leaving me filled with a feeling of dread, (which I hope I don't have cause for) I leave you with a new piece of knowledge.

    Hmmmm, sounds like something you would win in a game: "piece of knowledge". Anyway. I don't know how to close.


    omg, this is really hard. i'm having trouble clicking send."





    this is what i sent. omg, it hurts.
     
  18. biisme

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  19. paul7836

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    wow. I wish i had said it like that. IT takes a lot of courage to tell someone.
     
  20. SpikySpice

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    Awwww(*hug*)

    Pat your back, you were so brave :slight_smile:

    It was a good message, you had some sense of humor too

    I knwo how it fels now, it's a chain of emotion....But I hope you are ok soon, dont worry, things be alright:slight_smile:

    Well, normal as always, she may be suprised, but she'll think it's not big deal