I'm in a complicated situation and I thought this might help me so I thought I'd give it a go. I've been in a relationship for the past 7 months nearly 8 now. I love my baby to bits and I can safely say without hesitation that I would give my life for him. We have 3 months age difference but yet he's so mature and has been through so much that I am so proud of him and envy him. Sometimes I wish I was more like him, strong and courageous to stand up for what I believe. I think I have made my mind up about the situation but I'm finding it difficult too come to terms with the consequences. I'm a smart girl, I don't need to be told by anyone what's right and what's wrong. I'm white and my boyfriend is black but my family find it difficult, in general, to accept black people into their lives. Being from a country where there are only whites makes it more difficult. I want to spend the rest of my life with my baby but I know my parents and my family will never accept this. They will disown me or try to force me to marry someone from my country. But I refuse too spend my life resenting someone and wishing I was with someone else. I don't know why but I get the feeling that I'll never be good enough for my parents. I don't go out clubbing or anything like that. My main priority is my education which I am proud of. I thought they would be proud as well but clearly they never will be. As I mentioned before I have already made my mind up but its difficult accepting the fact that my parents will disown me. I know I will have to tell them some day but I don't know how to do. I'd also rather be with my boyfriend because I know how much he loves me, respects me and has supported me through so much. I'm really confused and if anyone has been or is in the same situation please let me know. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Well, I haven't been in the same situation, but a friend of me has. She had a Chinese boyfriend, and her family hated foreigners. She chose for her family, which she regrets.:bang: I told her to choose for her boyfriend. This is the reason why: of course you love your family, but you're grown up, you can make your own decesions. It's a way of showing them that you're serious about him. Plus, your family is of course still a part of your life. But your boyfriend is the one with who you'll (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with. My friend regrets her decesion now, because her parents both died. They're history now. It's time to think of your futere. It's time to try to please yourself instead of trying to make your parents proud. Good luck!(*hug*)(*hug*)
Well it sounds like you've already made the correct choice: love uninhibited by conditional bigotry. If your parents disown you, that's their problem. Sadly it's also yours to an extent, but just know that you did nothing wrong to deserve the grief they may give you and that the majority of the world supports your decision. It's truly disgusting that any parents could be so bigoted as to put their child in such a sinister predicament, but you're going to come out hurting either way. Might as well come out free, too. Just stay strong, and it sounds like your boyfriend will be there to support you through the ordeal.
Do you want to spend the rest of you life with him or in your parents house? If the answer is him that's all that matters. Your parents might be "dissapointed" at first but over time and after seeing how much you love him and he loves you they will come around and see that you made the right choice.
First of all, how old are you? If you live with your parents and being with this guy might jeoperdize that then I say its not worth it. If you are able to take care of yourself and truly think that this guy is the one then go for it. Skin color doesn't matter. My sister is actually dating a black guy right now and my family is going NUTS over it. I think they are taking it worse than me dating guys xD haha My parents know its "wrong" and I've been trying to help my sister by talking to them, but we are from a country where we don't have much contact with black people so its harder for them.
That's mainly what I'm worried about I guess what if I choose one and end up regreting my decision in the long run. I Know for sure that if I choose my family they will somehow persuade me to marry someone from my own country - that's what I will regret, marrying someone I don't really love (if that made sense). ---------- Post added 18th Dec 2010 at 11:49 PM ---------- I'm nearly 19 and I understand where you're coming from. I'm also from a country where we don't have a lot of black people - but I've lived in London with my family for nearly 12 years. You'd think after so long they would be more understanding, but the older I get the worse it gets.
Well, you don't say which country your family is originally from, but I'm guessing that if your parents would like you to marry someone from over there, they'd have problems with any local boyfriend you might end up with. Or am I misinterpreting? Him being black instead of white is probably macing things proportionally worse, obviously. I don't have any experience in dealing with racism like that, but I guess coming out with a black boyfriend is somewhat like coming out with same-sex dating. That would mean the advice in both cases is the following: - If you fear total disownment, it's best to plan ahead. Try to survive at home at least until finishing school, and check for what kind of jobs you could get if you're forced to fend for yourself. Since you live in the U.K. I'd also think there's social services you could appeal to to help you out should they throw you out on the street. - Is your boyfriend's family supportive? Can they provide morale support, or if necessarya temporary place to stay? - Do you have any close family or siblings that will be supportive? Sometimes parents are the worst, but it pays to have some secure family support beforehand. The more close allies you have, the more pressure there is on your parents to see reason. - The worse reaction you're liable to get, the better it is to tell them in a safe location. Planning ahead for that is probably best. Never hurry these kinds of things. - Don't feel pressured to tell them right away. Wait until you're ready ou can deal with any ramifications of coming out (even if this is not the traditional "gay" kind of coming-out most of our members deal with) I hope those are already some ideas that can help you!
Hi Filip, im originally Albanian and I dont know if you have heard but you wont find anyone more racists. You are right, my family will not accept anyone they HAVE to be Albanian and from a specific place in Albania. I have managed to plan ahead as far as my third year at university. This is the year I wish to move abroad for workplacement or to study. This is when I would like to tell them about him. However, they will never allow me to move out of the house unless I am married . i am currently looking for a job and finding it difficult to actually find one. My boyfriends family are very supportive and they like me the way I am. They understand the situation and I know both my boyfriend and his family will always be there for me. But I have only just met them so too early to say. My family just won accept - the only people I know will understand is one of my aunts and my brother. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for the advic, helped alot.
