wondering

I can only speak about my experiences, but it might be of help. I can't exactly pinpoint a time that strikes me as the definitive moment that I was the least bit aware that I was gay. Up to and through high school, I would not have considered myself gay, though in retrospect, there was probably more evidence to point toward that than straight. I was playing the role of an asexual most of the time up to high school.

By the time I entered my freshman year of college, I was struggling to learn about myself. I realized that I was attracted to guys, but I would try to justify it, deny it, anything to remain "normal". Ironically, I started off the year by wearing a rainbow ribbon on my backpack, dancing with a guy several times at the freshman icebreaker dance, prior to this identity crisis that would have me toss the ribbon and disassociate myself with all things gay. I didn't come out to myself until my sophomore year in college, so about 20.

Does it always happen that at an early age, a person will know for sure that they are gay? I don't think so, but it doesn't magically happen one day either, in my opinion. I think those of us who come out later, if we are subjectively looking into our pasts can find tendencies that make sense in the overall scheme of things.

 

I think it's different for everyone. Some people are more aware of their feelings at an earlier age, while others may not recognise any subtle signs, or things don't 'click' until a bit later on.

I've only realised and accepted myself as being gay about 4-5 mnths ago. And now that I reflect on my childhood and adolesence, there were so many tell-tale signs that I was completely oblivious to. Sometimes, I did feel like I was a bit different, because I knew I liked girls more than guys...but I just put it down as admiration and seeing these girls as role-models. I denied that it was actually an attraction to other girls until just recently because I honestly thought I was straight up until this point.

About 5 months ago I really sat down and thought about why things weren't working out like I thought they would. I assumed I'd be in a steady relationship with a guy by this stage, you know. Maybe engaged too. And people were always asking me why I wasn't with anyone. The more I thought about it and started asking myself what I was looking for, the puzzle started coming together. I realised the whole time I'd been looking for men, my subconscious had been looking for women:

-I always checked out girls (not guys),
-I preferred the touch & attention of other females
-I'd get 'butterflies' around some girls (never around guys)
-I just liked girls more and never saw guys in a romantic sense.

I feel a bit foolish having not picked up on these clues previously. But the process of acceptance is different for everyone. So I don't think you have too much to be concerned about if you are starting to question your own identity now as it's a hard process.

You've found the right place at EC though because everyone's very helpful and welcoming. I hope things turn out alright and wish you the best

 

I was a 'late bloomer' too. I figured out that gay sex was a turn on for me when I was around 20, but never thought I was 'gay'. This curiosity continued with me into my 30s. In the mean time I had gotten married and had a couple of kids. Then the curiosity got the better of me and I started to 'experiment' with other men. Not the way to go, but I can't take back mistakes of yesterday. So at 35 (almost a year ago) I came out to my wife, and we separated earlier this year.

I'm now 'dating' another man in a similar situation - currently in the process of separating from his wife as well. Now that we've both accepted that we're gay, we're amazed at how great we feel with each other. In a way, it seems rediculous that at ages 36 and 38 we're so head-over-heels for each other!

So it can and does happen to people later in life. You're certainly not alone. Now that you have an awareness, the challenge will be figuring it out for sure. There's no hurry though - life isn't a race.

Hang around here for a while and you'll get more and more comfortable with the whole concept! Welcome to EC!

 

My experience is very similar to both Justjoshoh and Revealed. I went through high school not worried or thinking that I should be dating anyone. It is odd that it just never occured to me that I was different for not dating anyone. When I got to college I felt that I was just asexual for a long time. Then in my junior yr, last year, I started to realize I had same sex attractions. I thought about it for a while and even after coming out to my parents right before Christmas, I still wasn't 100% sure. I have taken the past year to continue to try to sort it all out in my mind. I'm now almost 22 and finally am starting to feel comfortable with who I am.

So no, I don't think that you have to know at a young age, it happens at different times for different people. I guess looking back I can see the signs that Revealed pointed out. I'm not sure either how I missed them, because sometimes they were so obvious (in hindsight).

Like Jim said, hang out around here, ask questions, and chat with others here that seem to be going through what you are going through. Good luck and welcome.

 

Well, maybe because you are not comfortable with yourself?

How long have you realizeed that you like girls?

Sometimes it takes time for peopel to fel comfortable with their new sexuality

Another thing is sometimes some peopel are afraid of teh society even though their friends are gay, but they are afraid the public eyes you know

 

Well, that is is there business if they wnat to be interesting or not, but coming out sometiems dose benefit you alot