Yesterday, I found out that my brother outed me to my parents. I guess he said that they were concerned that something was really wrong with me because they thought I'd been distant, and so he explained to them why. Things are fine, I guess they are okay with it, but I'm still really angry. While I was planning to tell them soon, and while I can understand that he did it with the best of intentions, I'm really upset and hurt. I feel betrayed because I explained to him that our parents didn't know, and that I would tell them when I was ready for them to know. I trusted him to know this about me before I was ready to tell everyone, and he showed me that I couldn't trust him. And the support system I have here, which is mostly my girlfriend who I thought would understand, expects me to just be happy because they know and are okay. Sure, I'm happy that they're okay with it. But I'm angry that he told them. I feel like he could have just told them that I was alright, and then told me they were worried so I knew it was time to tell them. Am I wrong to be upset?
Take your brother out for a coffee and explain to him how you are feeling. That you're angry that your 'outing' didn't come out when you wanted it too and that he may have prematurely outed you before you were ready. It must be hard for loved ones who know not to try and help. Sometimes its good and sometimes not so good. But really talk it with him. Don't let your anger get in between you two. Maybe there was more to the story?
You're not wrong to be upset, and should definitely tell your brother that he shouldn't have told your parents without your permission.
You have every right to be upset. I'd feel betrayed. I'm sorry this happened. It's mature of you to see that your brother was trying to do something with the best of intentions, but it was not his decision to make. It was yours. You do need to communicate your feelings to your brother. I'd give myself time to settle down, cool off, think and move through my feelings a bit. But, please know, you have every right to what you're feeling right now. When you're ready, have some compassion for your brother, too, if you can. What he did was poor judgment. I'm not so clear it was done out of maliciousness. Probably done out of panick or other feelings he didn't know how to handle.
I can understand the upset but I would try and move on pretty quickly. They took it well and that is something you no longer have to worry about. Talk to him though and explain why you are upset.
You have every right to be upset. Part of it is the loss of control and another is the betrayal of trust. I do think it's worth it to talk to your brother about it, but at the same time, recognize that he was honestly trying to do what he felt was best for you and for his parents. His intention wasn't to hurt you, it was to reassure your parents and (perhaps he thought) make things easier for you. So express your concern and express that it's damaged your ability to trust, but also be open to listening to what he has to say. You don't have to forgive him immediately, but I'd say it's something to try to get past sooner rather than later.
^^^ This. Talk it out in a calm and comfortable setting, and taking him out for a coffee shows that you don't harbour ill-will. Talk it out and set everything on square one, and you'll be fine.
I can so relate to your situation. A couple of years ago I came out to my sister. I asked her to keep it to herself and to let me be the one to tell the rest of our family. She didn't honor my request. In less than 24 hours she outed me to every single member of my family, including family friends, and even 2nd and third cousins. I was devistated and upset with her to the point that I stopped talking to her for over a year. We have started to mend the damage she did to me, but to be honest, she will never again have my full trust, and I will never tell her anything that that I wouldn't post in a local news paper.
I think it is understandable that you feel upset and angry he shouldnt have told them without your permission, I think it should always be remembered that he was trying to help, it doesnt completely excuse what he did but just for a moment try and put yourself in his shoes, he must have felt torn between his loyalty to you and that to his parents, that said I think he should have spoken to you about their concern rather than outing you but I think it would be a shame to loose the relationship with your brother over it, you must have had a good relationship to have told him in the first place.
Thanks everyone for the support. I really just needed to hear that my being upset wasn't wrong because I was feeling bad about being upset which wasn't helping anything. I know that my brother did what he did with the best of intentions and that he probably felt unsure of what he should do in a situation like he was in, and I'm certainly not going to let it come between us completely. I just was upset at first to find out that my parents knew before I was ready. I'm not even really MAD that he told, just a little bit upset to find out that they knew before I was ready and that he was the one who told them when I trusted him not to. But that doesn't mean I don't love him or that I'm not going to talk to him anymore or anything. Again, thanks for the words of support and advice. I really needed that, and I appreciate hearing that my feelings were okay so much
