First off hello, i've been kinda reading around EC for a while now but never made a profile so I decided it's times to get one. I'm reeally sorry this story is suuper long, but i really need some advice. thanks. Anyway, so I'm gay and for some time now I've realized that I've always been gay. About 8 years ago, me and my family moved from inside our small, conservative town to the boarder of it, where there was much more space. I was still going to go to the same school which was nice, and all this happened about my 2nd Grade year. I remember riding my bike alongside my mom and older brother, as we strolled down the side of the street and we met some neighbors. Then that same day we met a nice family, with a boy who I had gone to the same school with, we just wouldn't talk to each other. We barely knew each other, so it was like we were meeting for the first time. We were both shy at first, and for the record i'm just going to refer to this boy as "J". From that moment there on we were absolutely best friends. Every Friday night and J would have sleep over's at each other's house. We would always talk to on the phone, work together in school, hangout in recess and at lunch, sit together on the buss, and goof around in my family's hot tub. We were best friends. Things continued like that till about 7th and 8th grade. The sleepovers were done, but in all other aspects we were still best of friends and everyone in school knew that. But it was around this time I started to realize my sexual orientation, and realized that I had like J for a very long time. He was cute, smart, realistic, nice, friendly, and very humorous (which I really liked lol). Until everything changed... The summer before Freshman year everything changed. I wasn't going to tell him i liked him, but that i was simply gay and he was the only human being i trusted enough. So I'm like, "hey, you value our friendship more than any aspect that defines a small part of either one of us, right?" and he said, "of course, we've been best friends forever." and I told him (probably a stupid thing to do on my part.). Though he was really cool with it and promised not to tell anyone. I was happy.Then a day later I left to go on a 2-3 week trip or so to travel the New England States, Canada, and Nova Scotia with a little family group. We didn't talk but when I got back the next day was the start of Band Camp. Me and J had agreed to carpool each other (seeing as we lived on the same street & 15mins away). So the first day of camp he came up to my front door and I opened it only to be in total shock: there he was: jet black, straightened hair with light red highlights, skin tight black tshirt with a skull on it, bleach white skinny jeans, and black shoes with white skulls printed on them. It was like the anti J from an opposite dimension had come and replaced the J I liked. I went along with this transformation though, not saying anything because under the looks, he was still the guy I had come to like. Over the course of our freshman year everything just died. He went from being a cute geeky nerd to the popular type, leaving me in the dust...we stopped talking, stopped hanging out. By the end of the year our friendship was dead. Until one day (about 2 weeks before school was going to let out for the year) I was exchanging my book and a close friend came up to me and told me, "you didn't hear this from me but J announced today that he's gay"..And for some reason I was soo overjoyed, revitalized with passion. For once it felt like I would get my first boyfriend. Basically after that the story goes; we talk about him knowing when he was, blah blah..and later my friend tells him that I liked him, and later that day J came up to me at my locker and was like, "I don't like you, and I will never have feelings for you." ...As he walked away I was instantly heartbroken. It feels like it was suppose to turn out like a chliche gay movie. 2 boys who meet eachother as youngins grow up and realize who each other are and begin to date and then happily ever after...I'm just so sad that he never developed those feelings for me after being best friends for like, 7 or so years :tears: And even though we haven't talked in months I still constantly think about him and it only brings me more down because I still really like him.. I'm sorry for the long story. I would just like some advice on how I can finally begin to move on from him...
It sounds like you two went through the same thing but at different parts of your life. He wasn't ready to come out and maybe didn't even know he was gay when you told him. A lot of kids grow apart in transition to high school. I know I lost a lot of friends from my childhood that way. You find new friends that actually become a lot closer. Though you had a crush on this guy, maybe he never felt the same way. As for getting over him, it's just something that you're going to have to deal with over time. Try to not think about it, which trust me, i know is hard. It's also high school. The things he says to you now may not be true at all. If he's a "popular kid" now, or even if he just goes with another group, he might be saying things like that to you to maintain his title. When you move on from high school, you realize that those titles don't matter. It's something that's hard to understand until you experience it. So for now ignore it. If you still feel this way when both of you have matured a little bit more, then maybe try talking to him about it.
First of all, welcome to EC! Secondly: (*hug*)(*hug*) I think there's several things going on at the same time here. What happened to your friend actually happens to a lot of people when they reach adolescence. Sometimes it just happens that they feel they've outgrown childhood, and need to reinvent themselves. The new clothes and new hairstyle might be a way of making that point extra clearly. And then some even go that extra bit further, discarding old friends, old habits, finding new people to hang out with and new hobbies to participate in. For some it's a permanent phase, and for others it'll be a haze that they snap out of, amazed of the things they did to be popular in highschool. There's nothing you can do about that, though. He chose to change his life, and it's up to him to evaluate whether it's working out for him. Then, there's obviously the part where you started crushing on your best friend. That's pretty normal too. It's easier to start crushing on someone you know well. I think most gay boys end up with a slight crush on a close friend at one point or other. Had he turned out straight, you would probably have still felt the pain, but it would have been more manageable, as you could tell yourself that it was never to be. With him being gay, you don't have that buffer, as you can't help but wonder whether there's some alternative course of action where you would have ended up as boyfriends. And then, as a third contributing factor, there's also the fact that it's terrifyingly easy to fall in love with the first gay guy you meet. At that point, the other guy is 100% of all the gays you met, so it's hard not to imagine that this is your only chance at happyness. In reality, this is often a bad idea, as the desire to make it work and (as you put it) live the perfect gay movie story, is liable to cause you to run headlong in a relationship that might not be all you want it to be. While being best friends obviously means you have a lot of things in common, it isn't a guarantee that you'll be ideal romantic partners either. You just happened to have the bad luck that all of these three things happened to happen at the same time and with the same guy. Okay, that's a long introduction, but I think the solution here lies in not sitting at home thinking about it. you allowed to let this guy be your world, and to get out of that, you need to broaden your horizons a bit. The best antidote to dealing with sadness is taking about it with people. Is there a GLBT youth group in your school that you could join (or nearby). Meeting more GLBT people often leads to making new fiends, and even if those never become more than good friends, it helps having people around who understand exactly what it's like to be in situations like these. Also, taking up some other hobby and meeting people there helps in having something to do, and finding new and interesting friends. And let's not forget your current friends: maybe try to hang out with some of them more. Talk to them about your doubts and troubles (though ,maybe not to that friend who ran right to your former best friend and told him all about how you felt). As they say: shared pain is only half pain. And, obviously, there's also us here. If you want to talk, never hesitate to post here, send some people a wall message or send any of the staff a PM. It might suck now, but really, you'll get over this, and be stronger for it!
Welcome to EC I understand your sadness and your disappointment. I imagine you feel so close to having found a perfect match and there's this big wasted opportunity. It really sucks. But there isn't much you can do about it other than try to understand what happened and move on. I think this is quite simple at its core: as the others have mentioned, it's a classic case of people changing when they reach adolescence (high school). I'm not surprised you hit it off with another gay guy when you were younger even though neither of you were conscious of your orientation — the same happened to me. My best friend in 6th grade was gay and we only realized it when we reunited four years later! In your case, it just sounds like you both grew up, started high school and drifted apart. It's sad, but it's totally normal. My first years of high school were very formative and my character changed quite a bit. I think the best you can do is realize there are other gay guys out there that you can meet and connect with. Stay friendly with J, but you can't force something that isn't there. Hugs!
I'm sorry it turned out that way I wish you lots of love because you need it right now And I'm sorry he wound up being a complete ass to you. I dunno if it's how I read it, but what you said he said sounded extremely harsh and pathetic of him. I really think you're better off without him because if he blew you off for popularity and then told you he'll never have feelings for you, he really never was a good person to begin with if you ask me. High school changes people and I'm glad you didn't change unlike him. It's better to be who you are than some poser. Remember to be you, and let this guy go because seriously, he's a tool plain and simple. And while it's cliche and you probably hate these words, You ARE better than him and he DOES NOT deserve you. (*hug*) &
