I've read a lot on this forum about when coming out to someone telling them that you're 'still the same person I was yesterday' or 'nothing has changed, i just like men' My problem at the moment is that I really don't believe those statements (for myself). I do feel that I have changed. Something in me has shifted and I feel like a person I never was, and I'm a new person in potentiallity waiting to happen. Is this real? Is this change altered who I was, or am I just thinking things differently? And this different thought process is really what has changed? Anyone else felt this?
Nothing has changed. You're the same person, in the same body, with the same attitude. I think it only feels like something's changed because you're not used to being out at all, not used to expressing these emotional feelings.
Me, I feel like this now. I guess it's because I've gotten so used to hiding who I really am that a lot of my emotional reactions up to this point have been deliberately false. I'd gotten so used to lying I don't really know how I feel about the freedom to honestly express how I feel. But on the upside, like you, I have felt a surge of motivation and inspiration, as if I have tapped into a wellspring of potential that I didn't even know I had. It's kind of like I want to do a million things at once; at the same time, I'm not really sure yet what to do just with the permission to be who I really am. Now that it's out in the open (at least with the people who really matter) I don't have to hide, even if I'm asked to.
This times a million! xD I think that change that you are feeling is not that you are really changing as a person, rather you are letting your true self finally go through. All those lies and acting was to hide something deep inside of you. Now that you are stopping the acts and the lies you are finally seeing it. Same thing that happened to me. This used to be one of my favorite quotes while I was coming out: "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
As suggested above, you HAVE changed, in the sense that the "inside you" is now more in line with the "outside you". Depending on how much you've kept hidden, this external change may range from non-existent to minor to major. But it's a pleasant one all the same. Lex
In bold....that is a great way of putting it. You have ALWAYS been gay. Since the day you were born, you were gay. You are just now realizing it. That is the only change my friend.
Thank you so much for that. it does help. It's hard not to feel like you are the only person who has ever experienced this. ---------- Post added 24th Dec 2010 at 12:06 PM ---------- Thanks Lex and Gabe. I do need to keep reminding myself of those thoughts and that this really isn't a dream, tho' it really feels like it somedays. I'll wake up and life will be like it was 3 months ago, before I came out to myself. I'll be miserable and not knowing why!:tears:
Coming out is usually a great starting point, but that IS all it is. If you're interested in a boyfriend, you still have to go out and get one. But it's a lot easier once you've taken than step. Lex
Like lex said, you are just starting and thats usually the roughest part of it all. I had the same feeling about the whole dream thing. Sometimes I would wake up and I would feel like it was someone else's life. I bought a ring to remind myself of the journey that I began by coming out to myself. Sounds super cheesy, but every time I look at it I remember that I'm doing this for a reason and in order to be happy at the end
everyone changes a little when they come out, but it's not for the worse. You change because you no longer have to hide any of your opinions or thoughts because you no longer have to worry that people will find out that you're gay. It's actually very freeing but it does take some time to get used to, after all, you've spent a good portion of your life trying to hide something significant about yourself. I'm still the same person i was before, but now i'm just more honest with people. I have friends who have changed in certain ways, but their morals and ideas haven't really changed, they've just become more honest now that they don't have to hide anything. It's a great thing and you'll learn to love the freedom it allows. Personally i'm still trying to figure out WHO I am so i'm not even fully there yet. It gets easier with each revelation about myself.
After I came out, my friends told me it was like I suddenly gained a personality. It's not that you're changed at all, it's that you're allowing all of the parts of you to finally see the light of day.
I think that (eventually) I'll be able to be happier once I come out to my wife. I feel that I owe it to her to know sooner rather then later. I have seen lots of posts about waiting until you're ready before coming out, and I think that is great advice. But being married with kids, I also need to think about the stress this is creating in their lives. I feel as though I am living with a giant secret. It makes being around them hard at times. I'm sure they can feel it as well. Arggh this can be sooo confusing some times. Is now the time? Will tomorrow be better? What about a couple of months from now? Sorry I'm beginning to rant a bit. I did write a letter to my wife (1st draft). At first I didn't think that I would, but now I did and it explains (hopefully) what I've been going through. And in a small way what my life has been like these last 20 years. When the time come I may just sit down with her and read it out loud to her.
