I've been meditating on my life, and I think there's something more to my sexuality than just "I'm gay." And I know you're all going to say that label's suck and to not worry about it, but I've been screwed over by a mislabel before and it sent me into depression. I want to make sure I know exactly what's going on, cuz I don't want that to happen again. So, on to my peculiar situation. I feel as if a small part of my being doesn't exactly identify as male. I've done some research, and Genderqueer doesn't fit at all. I don't know what the hell is going down in my brain, but it's not genderqueerness. Is there an explanation? Can anybody shed some light on what this might be??
I did a terrible job explaining myself. I think genderqueer is too broad of a term to explain what I'm experiencing. I don't know exactly how to explain everything, but I want something more focused. GAH!! I don't know how to explain it at all! I don't identify as both male and female, but there's a feminine energy in my body that I can't ignore. That's the best I can do.
Having a feminine energy (or a feminine side) doesn't necessarily mean that you are not male or that you are genderqueer. In general, do you feel good identifying as a male? If you want to, you can think of yourself as 95%male and 5%female who feels perfectly fine expressing male gender identity on daily basis. Also, if you do need a label, how about 'Questioning'? It fits what you are going through. And once you figure it out, you can get a new label for yourself. And the last thing - if you had been screwed over a mislabel before resulting in depression, how about learning that labels are not important? Really, think of it, if you do not care about the labels, there's no way you will get screwed over or dragged into depression because of them. Hope this helps
First off, I like the idea of questioning. I've also started doing research on androgyny. To answer the question, I do feel good identifying as male, but I know there's more than just that, and it bugs me. And I prefer accurate labels because of my bad experience. I suffered from a mislabeling for the better part of a year, and it really messed me up. So I've decided that before I label myself, I want to be absolutely sure of what it is. That way, I don't get screwed over...
Why is labeling yourself so important? Labels are for cans of tuna. A label is a word, but its our actions, symbols, and emotions that give those words power not the reverse. I don't like to think of things like gay, lesbian, bi because each of those words seems to attract stereotypes and sexism. Gay, for example, seems to be male gender specific whereas lesbian is female gender specific. With bisexuality, I've heard so many biphobic comments that can only describe that label as 'indecisively horny and confused.' However, I don't believe that to be true. I think the best way to view yourself is to just look at what you do like. Why does it need to have a name? I have slept with people who identify as straight (sober mind you), struck a home run, and I simply think of them as people, not straight people. Why? Because there's one thing that remains true if you strip religion, cultural norms, and peer pressure, you like to do what you enjoy and makes you feel good. That's our very human nature. So do what makes you feel good and label yourself some other time. If others are worried about what you are, then tell them that you simply are who you are.
I can't really give too much info here, as "gender identity" is something I've never really studied. So a lot of what I say here might come across as a bit on the uninformed side - take it with as many grains of salt as you feel necessary. I personally never much had a problem with "labels". They're shortcuts. Ways to tell things about people. It IS true that labels often come with baggage. You're from Colorado, which means you live within those four straight lines. But there's baggage involved - people might think you ski a lot, or listen to John Denver, or are a huge Broncos fan. Those might all be true, or some, or none - but some people will think it. But nobody really thinks of it as baggage. I don't know anybody who disclaims being a Coloradan in an effort to distance themselves from John Denver or snowboarding. When asked "Are you a Coloradan?" nobody answers "Why do you have to label me?" They just say "Yeah", and if there's baggage, they deal with it later. Similarly, once I got comfortable with my sexuality, I didn't have any trouble being called gay. Because I fit the dictionary definition. I've got that dangly bit between my legs, and I'm sexually interested only in other people who have dangly bits between their legs. That's what "gay" means. And yeah, there's baggage involved. Some might think I have a high-pitched voice, or love Glee, or follow fashion. None of which are accurate in my case. But that doesn't make me "not gay". And if people ask if I'm gay, I don't say "Why do you have to label me?" I say "Yes". And if there's baggage, I'll deal with it later. >>>To answer the question, I do feel good identifying as male, but I know there's more than just that, and it bugs me. I'm not entirely sure what the "more than that" might entail, but I'm certainly more than "male". And I'm certainly more than "gay". Everybody is. Nobody can be distilled down to one descriptor. I'm gay...AND klutzy AND a daydreamer AND tall AND overweight AND a music lover AND a bunch of other stuff. But none of that other stuff changes the "gay" tag. It exists in harmony with it. I'm still gay. "Gay" doesn't define me - I simply fit the definition of gay. Lex
