Hi all...it's been quite some time since my last post, but for the most part things were going quite swimingly. Now I stand at a bit of a crossroads and am quite confused as to what to do... I'm out to a fair number of my friends now, and recently one of my lady-friends came up to me out of the blue and stated that she was sad that I was gay because she's wanted me for awhile. After a few nights of talking more extensively, essentially running through scenarios in our minds, she said that we should have sex just to do it. I'm not sure if this kind of thread is appropriate here, but what should I do? She claims it would just be "meaningless" and "just for the release"... I don't want things to get weird between the two of us, but at the same time it has the chance to be the start of a good thing... I'm torn here...any thoughts EC?
Well it sucks but I think it's already weird. She has hopes that by having sex with her, you'd fall for her. She might think that having sex with you can be a validation of your "manliness" and that you were "never gay". Plus she would become extremely upset and very hurt if you do it and then you reject her, and the emotions she could express can be used to manipulate you. Bottom line is: Feel flattered, but don't do it. Instead, you should come up to her and set boundaries clear: I like you, as a friend. I know that's extremely disappointing for you but it's the truth. I don't think having sex will do any good, to you or to me. Also she needs to understand that your homosexuality is not a choice, or a phase, or a sick state of mind, or a plot to not date her, or whatever else she might think. You're gay because... you were born that way, right? she needs time to grasp it. Basically she is going to the five stages of grief with a bonus, she's... horny. :/
Your status under your name hasn't been updated, but I'm assuming you now believe you're gay. I mean, you "came out" to people, and your female friend said that was "a shame" - something she probably wouldn't say if you said you were bisexual. Given that, why WOULD you want to have sex with her? I'm assuming just because it's a convenient place to put your dick? Whatever your rationale, I'll tell you that it's definitely not a good idea. Because while it might be "just sex" to you, I can guarantee that it won't be "just sex" to her. I'm really doubting that she'll end the sexual encounter thinking "Well, that was fun - best of luck to you and your future boyfriend!" I'm pretty sure that she's thinking this will be something more than that. And if you're confident enough in your homosexuality to come out to her, I'm pretty sure it WON'T be anything more than that. Given this, I'd say you have two options. 1. Decline. Tell her you value your friendship too much to muck it up with sex. 2. Clarify. Say you're gay, you'll always be gay, but you're interested in having sex with her, because you're horny and it sounds like fun. However, it won't ever be anything more than you two rolling around getting the sheets dirty. Then have sex with her. #1 will keep things friendly. #2 will get you laid. And will almost certainly (eventually) end the friendship in the long run. (I don't think clarifying with her will change her views at all, but at least your butt will be covered.) It'll come down to whether your friendship is worth a few sexual encounters. Maybe it is - I don't know. Lex
Thank you both, you bring up very good points. Lex: I actually have done my best to clarify at every step and turn, and you're right...it hasn't changed her views at all.
I think there's also the fact having sex with her could make it EXTREMELY weird between you two and that's definitely another reason why doing it would be a very bad idea.
It's sounds like she wants to sleep with you for the thrill of being able to say that she's slept with a gay boy, or that she turned you. It doesn't look like there's that much in it for you.
Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Would you be able to get aroused properly with her? Would you have to think about guys in order to perform? I think mine would be like a frightened turtle and it would not be enjoyable at all.
Don't do it. Thou shalt not **** thy friends (not if you want to keep them around). And that's exactly what this is, by the girl's own definition - a meaningless ****. Well, if it's meaningless, there's no pressing reason to go through with it, is there? And mark my words, it is not meaningless for her, not if she has "wanted" you for a long time. I'm half-convinced that my longest-standing friendship with my best friend (almost 7 years now) has remained as strong as it has because we never got around to sleeping with each other, even though we dated briefly in college. So I don't advise friends to fool around at all unless they are mutually attracted to each other or are otherwise "talking" or romantically inclined. I have seen WAY too many friendships busted on the rocks between people that just want to have sex for the hell of it, and then feelings get hurt (usually on the female side) yada yada yada, and eventually the friendship is ruined by resentment and awkwardness beyond all hope of repair.
My thanks go out to all of you that have commented. After a few nights of thinking to myself and talking to my friend in question, she agrees that what he have is too good to allow one night to ruin.
