Now that I've come out and know that roughly one hundred of the closest people to me know (large family) I am best able to describe my current emotional state as me experiencing every emotion that exists. Everything from wanting to scream and cry in the corner to the most profound peace and happiness ever. In my early twenties, I basically repressed relationships over the course of my life. I have rationalized this and am seem to have moved on. I guess my biggest fear now is how am I going to find the right boyfriend. There is no shortage of qualities I am looking for. I am just as concerned with presenting myself as a good boyfriend choice. In this I have to undergo a lot of rapid growth to get myself up to speed and overcome repressing these feelings publicly. It will be a little bit of a stretch, as well, to simply express my romantically. Did anyone else follow my younger years path? Basically repressing, ignoring, fighting your interests to jump into life a little later? How did this go? Any suggestions? I initially wanted to find guys, any guys, but I quickly learned that I myself really am not interested in that completely. I would rather try and cultivate real connections, especially because I long for a relationship I can count on. It will include a lot of rapid learning, too. Bars are really not my scene and I really have a lot to learn about how to meet guys, especially how to fine tune my gaydar (seriously lol). I live in the greater Los Angeles area. I'd appreciate any comments at all! Dating, starting relationships, coming out results, behavior, ...!
Congrats on being out to almost everyone!!! That's a great thing, bravo! Now about the relationship thing, well... I don't know how old are you, I'd believe you said you are in your early twenties. So basically think of yourself as being 13 and trying to find someone. Most of the times the first relationship you get won't be the one that will be for life. And that's OK. But what you need to do is to build friendships with people of the community. there must be an LGTB group in the area that you could join, or you could find a hobby where you could meet other LGTB people. By making friends in the community you will eventually meet other people and then you'll meet more people and the more people you meet, the greater are the chances for you to find someone you consider "boyfriend material". And when you do, let us know!! and if it is taking too long to find one, let us know too. We're always here for you
I have looked at several dating sites and some are more relationship-focused, which is a key requirement for me right now. Do others find paying is a necessity? Now that I am looking for the "right" partner (since I've come out) I wouldn't mind paying for a dating service. Of course as many guys would agree, we'd pay any amount of money for the perfect match.
I think that Jay ^ has some good points. It is the more 'traditional' method of finding a mate (either gay or straight). And this way has worked for a very long time. Yes it is a bit more time consuming, but it can also be a very fun way of doing it. Not only will you be doing something you enjoy (so hobby for instance), but you will meet a lot of nice people who enjoy doing it too. It gets you out of your house, which is important for everyone and interacting socially with other people, not hiding behind a mask of semi-annonymity that the internet provides. These are all things that work in your favour as well, making you more attractive/desirable to prospective mates. Good luck I hope this helps.
Of course now I feel free to be myself completely. I think I did hide from social interaction because of my deep, dark secret. I also feel that I have some emotional healing to undergo personally. That being said, what are some good ways to start hobbies that are FREE?! I'm tired of all the sites that offer this type of connection capability but insist on paying.
You are describing the emotional roller coaster. That is normal. You're finally processing all of the thoughts and emotions you have been surprising for so long. It is annoying as hell but it will pass. As far as finding a boyfriend. I'll third the suggestion of becoming active in the LGBT community. That is how most of my friends have met their partners. Worst case scenario no boyfriend but you'll make some really awesome friends.
Anyone care to elaborate on what "becoming active in the LGBT community" can mean? What groups are there? Where do I learn about them? What does being active mean?
Basically doing things with groups of gay folk. There is one that I am a member of that goes bowling, sees new movies stuff like that. I also volunteer for a group doing AIDS/HIV out reach. Easy way to find is to google something like "Your city gay group" or "Your city lgbt" or "your city gay news paper". Also if your city has an alternative newspaper they often advertise in there. Also if your city has a gay ghetto go hang out there.
Los Angeles for me so that's not terrible. I've looked at meetups and such but they always seem to be forgetting age breakdowns. I haven't gone to any but it just seems like they will end up having older men and I, obviously, want someone in his mid 20s or so. Maybe I need to start with finding a single LGBT friend to create a small support network for myself and we can help each other in meeting people. I really want to have some kind of a relationship as soon as possible because then I will be a lot more likely to understand what I am actually looking for--given it will be my first valid relationship.
With no disrespect, you'll never know the truth about those meet-ups until you go to one. Assuming the worst is part of the thought process to minimize disappointment, the next step is going there and let the people amaze you
If I read the OP correctly, you've come out which was great, and now you're having a "now what?" feeling and that's making you sad. How do I proceed from here? How do I/will I ever meet a guy to date, have sex, fall in love with, etc? I hope you will be able to find good guys and it should be easier to do being out so that's good. The suggestions here seem good. My fear of the "now what?" and people's/my own expectations for me to start dating is one reason keeping me from coming out. The disappointment in myself for not coming out would be replaced by disappointment for not making any progress finding a guy I like.
I see you are from MN. I'm from Iowa and am home for a few more days on my Christmas trip. My cousin lives up there and we are both from LA. I moved there this past summer. I'm enjoying the snow so far. My biggest surprise in coming out was how I received zero negativity from anyone. I would never have predicted this. I feel a pressure to find a boyfriend QUITE honestly only because now that there is no filter on my emotions and feelings I simply want one. I'm not even experiencing the "other people asking about" deal. In fact, not a single person even came close to asking about a boyfriend except the closest person to me right now and I was leading the conversation that way. I do not have one and have never had one. Now I want one. At a minimum to see how great it is. I guess I've realized that having a BF, for me, is the same as all those heterosexual people who have spent their younger years focusing on little other than their latest relationship. So now I can see what all the fuss was about. Even if I start something imperfect (as if that could ever happen lol) I am broaching the subject for the first time and am not sure if I care so much. I'm not willing or able to jump into something that is just wrong but getting a START would certainly put my mind at ease knowing that wow, I'm not totally new to this now. I know what it's like, I know better what I want, and I can proceed in life as normal watching for that chance when someone great comes along. Many people have said the greatest love happens when you least suspect it. It's a long journey ahead and I'm scared to death. We'll see how it goes. I'm hopeful!
I think you're on the right track wanting to get a start and then it won't be new and daunting anymore. I hope you keep moving in that direction and you do find your guy when you least expect it or however it happens for you.
