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Caring too much what people think

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by katmando, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. katmando

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    I guess I am a little frustrated, because I can tell I care way TOO much what people think about me in general. Not just with the gay stuff just in general.

    I know its a little off subject, but here are a few examples. After almost anything I do rather its go to the bank or the post office, drug store or anything. Before I go in I think about the people who are working there. Although, I really do not think I put on a performance. I am so consumed if these people like me.

    -I go into the grocery store today. I say hello to a woman who works there. She kind of says hello back to me. I try to remember if she remembers when I bought a sandwich there several months ago. I can tell she really does not. I am bummed she doesn't remember me.

    -I went to the drug store like at around 1 am this morning. I saw the clerk in there. She wasn't in a great mood. She looks tired(I do not blame her) She is usually happy to see me. I sometimes forget other people have worries and issues. I am disappointed she is not glad to see me as she usually is

    -I was in the bank this morning and they all know me. And all seem to like. and I was making light conversation with the tellers. I was stuttering a little bit. After I left I felt like I didn't do a good job with myself. Sometimes I notice I am a tad shy when greeting people. Sometimes I am almost a little standoffish, but still am able to greet them(hard to explain). When I went into the bank today, I thought I said hello to one of the tellers and she really wasn't paying attention to me. She usually calls me bud. No bud today .

    When I got back from the bank. I felt like throwing up(still do). I was so worried if I thought I did a good job. While I never think I really try "to hard" people liking me has consumed me. And its only 10:00am this morning. I am now worried if that teller likes me??

    A few more things:

    -Another reason I quit the running group. Was I didn't think a girl in the group liked me ENOUGH. Not a good enough reason to quit.

    -When I went to Mdcdonalds today. I asked for a orange juice. I thought they were going to give me a coffee mistake. If they did I would of taken the coffee. I would not of corrected them.

    I can see I am driving myself crazy. I am totally cunsumed if strangers find me likeable enough. I know what my shrink would say and I say him today. Do you like diriving yourself crazy??

    In some ways, I can see this is all about me. As long as people "like me" and think the world of me. I am okay, but if someone doe not I am unhappy.

    Its cliche to say, but this fits me to a tee. If 1 million people like me. And if one person does not. Trying to have that one person like me is a mission. I do not really need the one million people I am doing it already with random strangers.

    Anyone relate??
     
    #1 katmando, Oct 11, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2007
  2. Louise

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    I can relate, I think it has something to do with self confidence. If you don't feel confident in yourself, in what you do, how you do it etc. you search for validation from the people around you.

    I can't help you much I have lived much of my life like you. Taking other peoples reaction into consideration is, for me, very important but it should not be allowed to take over your life.

    If you feel deep within yourself that you are a good and decent person (I know that you are from your posts and PMs) you just have to try and repeat, like a mantra, 'I am a good person I don't have to prove it to everyone' If you repeat it enough, yes I know it sounds silly, it does start to help... a bit.

    We all of us need to feel loved and valued as a human being, I think the fact that you haven't met that someone special yet is also playing a part in your desire to please everyone.

    As a famous politician said 'you can't please all of the people all of the time', at best you can please some of the people some of the time.

    All I can say is try to be yourself, be natrural people will see what I see ; a kind, caring, intelligent person who has an awful lot to give. Easier said than done I know but you can't spend you whole life worrying about what other people think of you. When will you have time to be yourself?... Now if I could just take some of my own advice :dry:
     
  3. SpikySpice

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    Well, this happens to me too, sometiems I'm worried about what peopel think about me. Actual;ly there are lots people out there who are wod

    From my experience. Just try to be yourself and your best, and if you still can not make people around happy or like you, it dosent matter, it's sad isnt it, but those people can not affect your life,

    Better not to think about what people think, because that makes you feel uncomfortable. Dont expect things from people, dont imagine that they all like you, because if they dont, that'll drive you depressed

    And sometimes your mind tricks you, like those peopel who are having bad days, and they dont talk to you, that dosnet mean they dont like you, it's just that they want to be alone, or those who are busy with their lives

    When peopel like people, some dont show through actions, so what yu do is to be happy, and to forget about any uncomfortable moments and what peopel think, the way you think maybe differnet from they way they think about you, you never know what is going on on people minds
     
  4. Davo

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    Sorry my post isn't more helpful, but I absolutely share your feelings about caring too much about other people's opinions. In fact I was perhaps going to make a similar post myself. I constantly worry what people think of me, and think that I've lost "friends" because I haven't been entertaining enough or interesting enough or too needy. In fact only today I went to class early because I wanted to see if a potential friend would sit with me or would sit on his own (don't ask me why, I do it all the time). He didn't sit with me, but he said hey after, or I did, i don't remember.

    The problem is, while I am incredibly loyal, and don't really dislike anyone, I expect everyone else to dislike me. I agonise over people that I have been quite close to in the past who I haven't had any contact with recently. I'm desperate for more friends, although I know I should be quite content with the few I have.

    It might be a gay thing, but I really worry that other people won't be as open minded or friendly as I am. Sorry this post isn't helping, but you did ask if anyone related
     
  5. IHeartDisney

    IHeartDisney Guest

    It sounds like you have a severe case of social anxiety disorder. I was actually diagnosed w/ general anxiety disorder, so I can relate to your story, although mine was not as extreme as yours. Have you ever taken prescription drugs for your problem before? I took them for a little over a year and then ended up stopping because I didin't need them anymore. It actually really helped me out immensely and I'm a lot better because of it now. Good luck!
     
  6. IHeartDisney

    IHeartDisney Guest

    Wow that's so crazy because I do stupid things like that all the time. I always like to find ways to torture myself for some reason.
     
  7. Daniel6

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    I have this problem sometimes too and I feel bitter when someone ignores me while i helped them in the pass. But i have to accept it. Different people are different and what i have given, i shouldn't think of asking them to give back otherwise it was a trade. Take a famous singer as an example. She has many fans but there are still many people who don't like her.