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Could I be wrong?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jalf, Dec 27, 2010.

  1. jalf

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    I'm really confused whether or not I'm a lesbian. Tonight's the first time I really think I am. It's been on my mind for the last couple of months, but I haven't been totally sure.
    The thought of being with a girl seems way more appealing to me, and just the thought of telling a friends makes me feel a huge sense of relief...!
    But I'm just not sure, and I don't want to say too soon in case I'm wrong.
    Most my friends are gay and I always go out with them, and we also all work in the same place. But one thing I'm afraid of is that I think I might be gay, just because I'm hanging out with the whole gay scene maybe too much. But i love it! I hate going out straight.
    One of my really close girl friends whos gay got me to kiss her last summer, and I was surprised how much i liked it. I had the feeling she was trying to conform me for a while... hinting and through certain conversations etc. But when I think about everything now, it all seems so obvious that I could be.
    I was in a relationship with a boy when i was 14 for 6 years. It ended badly nearly 2 years ago. Thinking back now, I wasn't ever fully enjoying the intimate part of the relationship. I found this quote on a different website that i think really applies to how i felt, "I used to think I loved to give h**d, now penises are nauseating, I think I over compensated for lack of desire".
    In fact I have no desire to be with a boy at all anymore. Since I've been single I've been hanging out with my gay friends and I've never been happier. I still go out to straight clubs occasionally but its just never as fun.

    The thought that I'm asexual has went through my head too quite a lot previously too but I'm don't think I am.

    Sorry I probably didn't even explain myself very well at all. I'm quite shy and can never seem to express what i really mean. Even on the internet... ! :icon_redf
     
  2. Mogget

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    I went through a lengthy period of confusion about my sexual orientation, too. For a lot of us, we don't just have something click, we experience lots of confusion about whom we like. And that's okay :slight_smile:

    You're allowed to say you're not sure if you prefer guys or girls, you're allowed to try being in a relationship with a girl and discover you don't like it, you're allowed to sleep with a different girl every night cause sex is teh ahsum! Or...not. Don't think of your uncertainty as confining you, think of it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    Hey welcome to EC, its ok to be confused it happens to a lot of people when they first realise they might be gay. I would say it sounds from what you have said that you might well be gay or at least bi with at the moment a strong leaning towards girls.
    There is one thing you definately dont need to worry about though hanging about with gay friends will never ever turn you gay, you either are or you arent.

    Being as you have a really good bunch of gay friends perhaps you could talk to one or more of them about it you dont have to say I think im definately gay, you could just say recently ive been thinking I might be interested in girls and I think I might like to investigate my feelings or something like that. They are most likely to be very supportive.

    I think from what you have said it sounds like that one friend of yours might already know, she has probably picked up on subtle hints so I dont think she would neccessarily be suprised.

    EC is a great place where you can get lots of help. Feel free to post on my wall if you want to talk.
     
  4. Holmes

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    From the sound of your post, I think you probably are a lesbian. If you have no surviving feelings towards boys, and find being a girl attractive, it seems pretty clear to me. You're certainly not asexual, which would mean that you find no one attractive and had no sexual desire.

    It sounds to me like your gay friend who kissed you had a good feeling you might be gay and was trying to get you to come out. Don't forget, sexuality is biological, no sociological. You wouldn't be feeling this if you weren't really at least somewhat gay yourself. It's not contagious!

    There's nothing wrong with telling your friends you're unsure, or think you might be gay, or whatever. A lot of gay people find their hormones telling them different things during their teens, and don't find themselves settling till around 20. I was 22 before things properly levelled off for me.
     
  5. alexi12

    alexi12 Guest

    Welcome to E.c.,
    First of all, don't worry at all about hanging out with your friends! Sexual Orientation has nothing to do with who you spend time with.
    It seems now that you are more convinced that you are a lesbian. It takes time to figure these things out, but I can tell you how I convinced myself. I realized that I don't want to experiment with girls at all, I realized that talking about girls wasn't intresting at all.
    I hope this helps a bit
     
  6. jalf

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    Wow thanks everyone! That's a lot of really helpful information.

    I do still point out boys I think are beautiful or hot but that's all I think. I have no desire in wanting to be with them or anything. It's almost as if I'm admiring their style or beauty like a painting. That kinda sounds a bit weird, but it's true.

    I also point out girls I think are attractive, however the difference is I can actually see myself being with a girl.

    Anyway until very recently, I don't think it ever crossed my mind that I could be lesbian, maybe because if I thought I was, I should have realised sooner in life... like when my previous relationship was going so bad.
     
  7. Jim1454

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    Hi, and welcome to EC!

    There's no rush to figure this out. If you've been thinking about it for only a couple of months, I'd give yourself a little more time. And for this comment...

    Some of us took even longer to figure it out. I got married and had a couple of kids before I figured out why I still wasn't happy. I was in my mid 30s before I finally concluded that I was gay. And yes - what a relief. Well - not right away. I had a lot of stuff to work through before I was able to feel good. But now I feel great - better than ever. So it's worth taking the time to figure this out. I can make a huge difference to the quality of your life. Good luck!
     
  8. jalf

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    Last night, I asked my friend (spur the moment kinda thing), the friend that kissed me, if she thought i might not totally be straight... and hinting that I wasn't. She was really helpful... although she wanted to know why I hadn't said anything sooner!! Glad I told her and it's made me realise I don't need to make a definite decision any time soon.
    Thanks again guys for all your advice and happy new years eve!! Have a good one!