Okay this isn't about being gay or anything but you guys seem to know your stuff so hopefully you can help Alright so I kind of have a mini-stalker. We were very close last school year but towards the end I realized how much I was loosing my other friends. She was becoming very clingy and dependent and I can't handle that very well. Not to mention that we have very opposite outlooks on life. So I started distancing myself from her. I just didn't talk to her as much, hung out with my other friends and didn't wait for her at the end of every class. Nothing crazy. But every time I did give her a little extra attention she was back to 100% clingy-ness. She wasn't getting it and I was fed up so it got to the point where we weren't really talking. But she's been eyeing me (like literally turning around in class and staring at me) and I talked to her real quick about two months ago and somehow ended up with snow-tubing plans for this weekend which I've been avoiding. :bang: Her mom literally just called to invite me over. I mean my stalker/friend isn't a bad person but we're just not compatible. We are fundamentally different and she doesn't f*ing get it. I don't want to be mean to her or disappoint her parents, who have been really friendly and generous, but I can't handle it anymore. I know that normally if a friend was in this situation I would say "just tell her!" But I don't know how to go about doing this in my situation. Because I don't know how to say it without being mean. Help please :icon_sad:
yes the best advice would be to tell her, but how? I believe it depends on her personality. Is she more introverted or extroverted? I am a very honest person and I believe you should be. Just tell her the truth. You have other friends in your life that you want to hang with so tell her that. tell her that you are so grateful that she was there for you a year ago, but we have different out looks on life. I say still be friends but you need space. I know that at first she will react negatively, most people would. Let some time pass and approach her slowly. Have simple conversations with her, think of it as starting the friendship over. I have had to do this on several occasions so believe me I know where you are coming from. Its best to be honest with them to prevent hurting them even more further down the road. I definitely know what the route feels like and its not nice. Hope this helps, hang in there (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Have you tried to talk to her before about the problems you have with her attitude ? Because if not, the poor girl might be completly lost : once you were very close, then you started to distance yourself, then you ignore her but sometimes you talk to her as well. You said she doesn't understand but have you tried to explain to her how you feel about this ? Maybe the best thing to do would to invite her for a coffee or something, and talk to her about the fact you felt like you needed some space and that she had been a bit too close for your own comfort.
You've tried being subtle. Now try being obvious. But try doing so without being cruel. For instance, when her mother called you up to invite you, you could've said something like "You know, I don't dislike Hortense or anything, but I can't say as I enjoy my time with her much. I've tried being friendly to her in the past, but I just don't feel like we click on any level. So I'm going to pass." Lex
