So my sister and husband came from mexico to spend new years and christmas with my mom and my other sister and me. Anyways i thought it would be a nice time. but since i got out of college for winter break i have been getting mad every single day. i get mad almost everyday and i cant help it. Also i feel stupid for feeling sad but maybe i have a right to when all my family has done is talk shit about gay people almost everyday. like seriously, i get along with my brother in law he is funny and always plays around like if he is gay. that doesnt bother me. it bothers me that when he calls me honey joking around or something like that someone makes the comment of that being nasty and shit like that. besides the fact that it pisses me off, it also kinda hurts. now i feel like i shouldnt come out. i feel bad everytime they talk about this. all i can they is just act like it doesnt matter. am i overreacting about this? i dont know wat to do. i get really upset and i get this feeling that they wont like me if i come out. i kinda wanna move far away from my family. all they do is make me feel like shit by that and other ways. i was starting to feel good but it all turned bad... what do u guys think?
Tough to say. My brother was big on the fag jokes until I came out, at which point they stopped, and he quickly grew to accept me completely. My parents made some anti-gay jokes while I was growing up, as well, but they quickly came around, too. So I don't think "deriding gays" equals "won't be accepting". It'll sort of depend. If you know for a fact that they had friends that they dropped like a hot potato when they came out, then yeah, that'd be a bad sign. But other than that, it's tough to tell. Lex
Hey Danny, like Lex said, it's hard to say if they're really anti-gay or not. I feel your pain though. When I'm around family or friends and they make the stupid comments or indicate a general dislike of gay people it pisses me off too. It makes me want to get away from them and never want to bother coming out to them. A few times I've pushed back on their use of the word gay to mean stupid/worthless, but that's it. If I ever do come out and they ask what took so long, I'd say it's due in part to their bigoted comments/attitude. I'm sorry you're stuck there for the duration of break; you deserve to have an enjoyable winter break. (*hug*)
thanks guys.. Lex- ive thought about it and i guess that my family isnt against gays, because they have gay friends and we rent to some guys that r gay. sure the comments suck and hurt but i hopefully they will stop mnguy- yea u know how i feel... aw well thanks... even thought there were comments that bothered me, the break was good
This might be an obvious question, but have you told them your feelings about when they make jokes like that? A lot of people who are crass like that don't understand that when they're "just kidding" they still have the potential to hurt people - these are the kind of people who don't know when to end a joke. If they won't listen when you sit down with them and say, "Hey, I know you guys are just joking around, but some of the gay jokes you make about me are really hurtful," I think your best secondary tactic would probably be to fight fire with fire. Next time they say something rude, "jokingly" insult them back by pushing one of their buttons (if they're family, I'm sure you know a few). Teasing is a show of dominance. They're teasing you because they know you're an easy target - you have built-in comedic value and you won't stand up for yourself to them, especially as a team. Just stand up to them, either by having a heart-to-heart with them, or teasing them back. In fact, if telling them to lay off doesn't work, practical jokes might be in order.
Idk, I think I have become impermeable to the gay jokes...They don't offend me at all. So I would not base my decision of whether they would support/accept me, on their views based on gay jokes. I make gay jokes myself, sometimes...xD
A friend of mine worked on guidance systems for several naval weapons platforms back in the 70's and 80's. The weapons were not used against people, or ships, or aircraft. They were used against DCRBs. Dirty Commie Rat Bastard. The reason was to depersonalize the situation. That weapon you are working on does not kill people, it kills DCRBs. You didn't kill a person, you killed a DCRB and DCRBs are not people. So there is nothing to feel guilty about. It wasn't until years later after those projects ended that he realized that DCRBs are people. The reason I tell this story is that everyone does that. When most people tell gay jokes, they are not saying something mean about a person, they saying something mean about a gay. A gay is not a person so no one is hurt. It is not until they meet a gay person, that they realize what they are doing. That they were hurting a person. That is why it is important to be out. We put a face to being gay. It personalizes the situation. It make people realize they are hurting a person, possibly someone they care about.
There's a difference between humor and malice disguised as humor. If someone called me a "dirty rotten cocksucker" in an ironic sense, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I know they're just goofing around. If someone called me a "dirty rotten cocksucker" and meant it as some sort of feebleminded attack...well, you can sit there and do nothing because they look like idiots doing it.
