Finding it Difficult to Accept Myself

Hi and welcome to EC

first thing, congratulations for coming out to yourself that's already a huge step done. I hope being on EC will be able to help you getting more comfortable with who you are. There are plenty of people here who will relate to your experience, the loneliness, the hope to turn straight, the depression... I hope being on EC will help you figuring out that there is nothing wrong with the fact you're gay and will help you to start coming out to people around you.
Here is a link to a Pflag booklet that you may find helpful :
http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Be_Yourself.pdf
Make yourself at home and see you around
Take care, Cécile

 

You sound like you are having the same problems I was having about 4 months ago. I also thought I was going to settle down and get married. I tried my hardest to convince myself that I was straight but i just couldn't be! I also was extreemly depressed. Then one day I just knew it was time. I broke down while my best friend was doing her hair in the bathroom and just screamed it lol. She stood up started crying and hugging me and saying "I know you are I'm just so glad you've finally said it." Then I started telling other close friends and now I'm pretty much fully out. The feeling is amazing!!! I don't feel all depressed anymore and I'm not hiding who I am anymore. When the time is right you will just know. I promise it will happen. I thought it never would for me but it did and its amazing! Oh and welcome to EC its a great start!

 

Hey, well welcome to EC.

I cant really offer too much advice, since reading your post is prettymuch my mirror image lol. It really is something difficult to accept/not feel angry at yourself for. I've only started to accept it within the past few months, but still cant get myself to do more than talk about it online.

I can say goodluck, and it really isnt something you can change, and really shouldnt have to. Even though I dont really like the fact still for the most, I cant see myself being any other way, just gotta spend a bit more time to figure it out. (*hug*)

 

Hiya.
Ugh... what the other two people above me said... (yeah, it' weird, huh? I got on here last week, was about to post pretty much the exact same thread as you, and then started reading around and was "ooooh...." there are others!)

Anyway, I know exactly how you feel and I'm still working on trying to get out of feeling the same way too, but just remember that if all else feels, you can always come back here to talk and be yourself. I've told a few friends, and they all had sort of "Aha!" moments, but now, they seem to get me more and care.

Letting go of the original life-plans you have is really difficult. I keep looking around my school in search of a girl that attracts me, and all that ends up happening is I spot ten dudes and it's like... nah, not gonna work. Right now, I think it would be best just to sort of give yourself a clean slate for your future. I mean, when we were all kids, most of us wanted to be a vet or a fireman or a candy store worker. Now, we have different ambitions. Wait until you can be comfortable with who you are before you start worrying about having to let go of something. You only have so many moments is life, why spend so many worrying about the ones that aren't gonna happen for years to come?

When it comes to what to do next, just take it easy for a bit I think. There is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are, and being angry about it is just going to make you feel bad over something that just can't be helped. If you really aren't sure about what you want to do, think up a few ideas and feel free to post around here. You'll know if and when it's right to talk to somebody about it, but you want to make sure you are okay with yourself before you try to talk to others about it. Admitting it to yourself is probably the biggest step of all, and you should be proud you were able to do it.

 

Yeah really things that other people have said,take it easy find something to take things of your mind,something to focus on without worrying about things. Don’t worry so much about what others think of you. The truth is, most people are too self absorbed to notice anything other than themselves. You could be angry and stuff because you are not "out" to anyone,once your out to someone it feels really good,you have someone to go to for advice and to just talk about it. So it will get better,You have just came out to yourself,give yourself time.

Remember to be happy. You can do anything you set your mind to. Just try your best. The rest will just happen naturally.

 

Hi and welcome

First of all,congratulations on coming out to your self,this is the first and possibly the hardest part of the whole coming out process.

Your next two steps are to get more comfortable/confident with being who you are and then to come out to someone.I personaly found the easiest way to get more comfortable with myself was to go out to places where i knew i would be with others who were also gay,seeing other out gay people makes you realize it is possible to come out and have a normal life.

As far as coming out to someone goes the only thing you have on your side is that you get to choose who you tell.Once you have decided who to tell,you will know when your ready as it will nigle away at you to do it.The first person you tell is the hardest even if you know you have picked someone who will not be bothered at all,but once you manage to do it,and can be open with someone it just seems to make you want to tell others.My advice when coming out to anyone is to be confident and not to make a big deal out of it,if you can keep the whole thing calm, whoever your telling is more likely to not make a big deal out of it and move on.

Good luck and keep in touch

 

What you’re feeling is actually natural, I know most people have said it already, but its true. And, having trouble adjusting is actually a good thing, think about it, the easy time don’t help you figure out who are. Bad times do, you’d never realize who tough you can be until you HAVE to be.
You say you don’t know why you’re crying, well it sounds like you do know. You’re having trouble figuring out who are, that tough. It should be hard, if it was easy everyone would have everything figured out by the time they’re 10.
I remember feeling scared and hating myself when I figured out I was gay, I spend well over a decade beating myself up, until I did exactly what you did, I got sick and tired of feeling down all the time. So, I stopped. It was that simple. I stopped hating myself, I stopping worrying about how the world would react to my gayness. I still feel insecure about things from time to time, but that’s where asking advice comes in.

So, what do next? You need to get used to you, this new part of yourself. You just accepted it, so take some time to get used to it.

And remember: Being gay is only part of who you are, NOT the thing that defines you.

 

Welcome and glad you found EC!

I've done the same thing just trying to fade into the background. I'd rather others talk about their lives. I also avoid meeting new people so they won't be questioning why I'm still single. I started doing this and got depressed after realizing I'm gay, about 13 years ago, and never progressing since no one I meet is gay and have mutual attraction. I hope you make faster progress.

Neither you nor I can get attracted to women and that's really just fine. I'm glad you haven't gotten trapped by society's pressure to conform to hetero marriage. It's so sad that this happens yet today.

Hang out here and hopefully you'll keep getting better and happier :smilewave