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Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

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Old 4th Jan 2011, 05:00 AM   #1
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Coming out hope and future

Hi all!

G'day from Australia! This is my very first post! I have been skimming (looking around) on this site for quite a while now, and I have now taken the plunge and joing EC, YAY! I am sure that I can lots of support and help from many of you at EC.

As a 20 year old gay man, raised Catholic (still practicing, and going to Church every Sunday), I am still in the process of discovering myself (just came to terms with my sexuality) and figuring out who I am and it's been quite a roller coaster ride because of the fact that I am religious as well. I hope that in the future that I will be able to be fully confident with who I am. I am still yet to come out to the parents (and the world at large), but I hope that is soon, things are quite complicated with that but I hope all goes well.

My question is, is there a line between your faith and homosexuality, in particular Catholicism? And do we have to choose? What are your thoughts? This is one of the obstacles I am dealing with right now.

Once again, hello to all, looking forward to the future!
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Old 4th Jan 2011, 06:32 AM   #2
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Re: Coming out hope and future

Heya Matt, I'm not Christian, but I am devout as well, so I understand the conflict you're going through. Luckily Buddhist scripture is a lot more ambiguous about homosexuality than the Christian churches are, and only stand against sexual misconduct, which I've always considered to be molestation, rape, and emotional/physical/mental abuse of one's romantic partner.

As for your particular situation with the Catholicism, you might want to check out gaychristians.net. Lots of people are in the same situation as you. Some say that God approves of gay relationships and have biblical interpretations to prove it - others call for gay Christians to be celibate.

Personally, I think celibacy goes against the natural order a lot more than homosexuality does, so it's not something I'd recommend unless one is interested in the priesthood. But honestly, I think forced celibacy in the priesthood of the Catholic church is one of the reasons there are so many instances of sexual abuse coming up in the ranks.

As for there being a line between my faith and being queer, there really isn't a line for me. I've been told by my religion to love and be kind to every sentient being, I just take that instruction literally in the bedroom too.
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Old 4th Jan 2011, 06:43 AM   #3
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Re: Coming out hope and future

As a life long Catholic, I totally understand your question and I've kind of struggled with it too. My understanding is that the Catholic church kind of has a belief of "Love the sinner, hate the sin". I assume this means that they view gay sex as sinning. In their defense, they also view sex outside of marriage as a sin, so it's consistent. As long as you are not engaging in sex as a single person (gay or straight), you're in good standing with the church.

Where this starts to fall apart is with marriage. Since there is no gay marriage, there is no way to fully engage in the gay lifestyle without sinning. And this is where I'm at odds with the church I know and love. Basically I've decided that God made me the way I am and I'm going to proceed with my life as I should. This puts me at odds with Catholicism, but then again, it puts me at odds with most churches. It's a personal decision you have to make. By making the decision I have, I'm unconsciously saying that the church is wrong. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. All I know is that I'm a happier and move loving person for accepting myself and all I can hope for is that God has mercy on me. I still go to church each week and I still take communion. I still believe in God and I still love my church.
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Old 4th Jan 2011, 08:00 AM   #4
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Re: Coming out hope and future

I'm catholic (ukrainian orthodox). I stepped away from the church throughout my 20's and early 30's. Not because I was gay, I didn't know that at the time. But because I found other things more interesting then mass. I've since 'come back', but I came back with purpose. Faith is important to me. My relationship with God is important to me. I don't think God really cares what goes on in my bedroom as long as it is consensual. I know that there are church edicts and all. I just don't prescribe to all of them. And I try not to let them bother me one way or the other.
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Old 4th Jan 2011, 11:50 AM   #5
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Re: Coming out hope and future

Hi there and welcome to EC! I'm glad you've decided to join, and I hope you find some of the answers that you're looking for here.

I feel very much like KneeDragger. I've come to the conclusion that God created me as I am, and wouldn't have done that if He didn't want me to be happy and well adjusted. (Even if it's taken almost 40 years to reach the 'happy and well adjusted' stage.) So I don't feel a conflict between myself and God.

I certainly have experienced the conflict between myself and church. I was the devoted treasurer of my congregation for over 5 years. When I came out I was asked to step down. That hurt. (That was a Presbyterian church here in Canada.) So I don't attend any longer. And my ex wife (who was the Presbyterian) and my daughters don't attend there either. They instead attend at the United Church of Canada, which is accepting of gays.

I wish you all the best on this journey. We're all rooting for you!
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Old 5th Jan 2011, 05:06 AM   #6
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Re: Coming out hope and future

Thanks for the thoughts guys! After some serious thinking though, I am still going to be faithful to my God and be my gay self. Just going to live accordingly, after all, this is who I am
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Old 5th Jan 2011, 05:21 AM   #7
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Re: Coming out hope and future

Quote:
Originally Posted by matthew90 View Post
Thanks for the thoughts guys! After some serious thinking though, I am still going to be faithful to my God and be my gay self. Just going to live accordingly, after all, this is who I am
Right on, man.

Personally, I think God is much more concerned with faithfulness and good works than He is with anyone's personal identity, since He created all and it is all good in His eyes.

If God (or who/whatever) created you gay, then you're gay - people could never tell me that homosexuality is a choice, because animals supposedly don't have the self awareness to make such choices, and there are lots of species of animal which include homosexual individuals and homosexual behavior.

On the flip side (going on the theoretical "gay is a choice" argument) if animals do have a choice on their sexual behaviors, then animals have a lot more self awareness than we give them credit for, and eating/exploiting them is unethical in and of itself. < At least that's the argument I would use against anyone who would throw up this position.

I choose kindness... I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me. - Max Lucado
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Shelter me oh genius words, just give me strength / to pen these things, and give me peace to well her wings / and oh, oh carry on, all you minstrels of the world, we will catch our lady's ear, we will win for us the girl.
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Old 5th Jan 2011, 08:53 AM   #8
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Re: Coming out hope and future

Quote:
Originally Posted by matthew90 View Post
Thanks for the thoughts guys! After some serious thinking though, I am still going to be faithful to my God and be my gay self. Just going to live accordingly, after all, this is who I am
That is great. One more settled item on your 'list' of coming out issues to deal with. As long as your crossing off those items your doing good.
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Sweat, baby, sweat, baby. Sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about. So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts! Do it now! You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals . So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel -Bloodhound Gang
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