I lost hope..

I'm sorry that happened to you...but take hope. A lot of people here have family members who have expressed homophobic sentiments before they realized that "one of their own" was a friend of Dorothy.

My own family members have consistently made derogatory comments about "faggots" and "dykes" to me over the last few years, even though I brought around my gay friends from college and they knew that I was not a bigot. (Hell, with as many queer people as I eventually brought around to meet my folks, they should have known I wasn't straight, either.) To their credit, they were always polite to my friends to their face, but I always caught an earful when they weren't around...

The thing is, homophobia stems from ignorance and fear of a preference that heterosexuals do not relate to at all. However, on the upside, most people can't bring themselves to associate these negative stereotypes with someone they know and love. So they think gays are disgusting and strange? They've known you your whole life, and you're not either of those things. Sounds like a group of people in for a rude awakening on what it actually means to be a gay person.

So while they might have a problem with gays now, when you come out they could potentially completely change their perspective. I know my family has just in the last few months since I came out last November.

If you haven't watched the movie Prayers For Bobby, I'd recommend it. It's about a mother who is extremely homophobic to the point of contributing to her own gay son's suicide. After going through the tragedy of his death, she becomes a fierce LGBTQ ally and even ended up testifying before the Congress in support of gay rights.

It just goes to show you that no matter how strongly prejudiced someone is, there is always a chance for them to change.

 

maverick had some really good points here.

the only thing I want to add is that sometimes when people are together talking about a particular subject they sometimes tend to " go with the crowd." You might be surprised as to how many of them actually are with different sexualities/genders etc..

Either way you should be proud of who you are and not let silly new years eve conversations bother you too much.

Cheer up buddy!

 

I'd just like to reiterate what the two people above me said. Maybe some of your family is prejudiced, and everyone else was just following along. For example, it's more common for older people, like grandparents, to be prejudiced because they were raised in a time when gay people weren't as accepted as they are today. I'm willing to bet that more of your family is open to the idea of someone in their family being gay, but they just went with the flow perhaps to put up face. And you said that relatives of yours have gay friends, so they probably are more accepting than others, especially since they actually were ok with going to a gay bar. I bet your relatives didn't mean what they said. As a personal experience example, my dad has said some stuff he doesn't agree with just to appease his parents. (I know, it's vague >_<) Don't lose hope, many people are accepting : )

 

Well, I'll preface this post by saying that I'm pretty bad at this myself. Every family get-together, I resolve to get closer to telling them, and barely an hour after we all get together, I overhear a comment that makes me think " ....maybe another time instead!"
Because, somehow, with the exception of one cousin, they all at some point or another engage in "fag"-jokes or gaybashing.

Maverick's right, though: whatever they say is not necessarily a representation of their deepest beliefs. It's just terribly easy to get a cheap laugh at "those gays", when you're convinced you're all straight people together.
And a family gathering is usually not the place to start arguing with uncle Joe when he brings up his gay-bar story (probably for the fiftieth time you've heared it). So they go along, get a cheap laugh, get some easy agreement, and oil the gears of social interaction.
My brother is my biggest supporter, and if it comes up in normal discussion with a small group, he'll usually be interested and eager to show he thinks I'm awesome for having come out... and then next Christmas, he'll laugh at my granddad's "fag" jokes and add a few of his own. It's just an ingrained reflex!

So, really, don't let this affect your plans. Odds are they'll be way more supportive than you think now. Even if people never get supportive of GLBT issues as a whole, they're generally pretty supportive of "their own" gays.

 

Funny think about hope, you can lose it, but you can always find it again.

I assume they were drinking, and even if not, there something called a hive mentality, where everyone will agree with what is being said because they want to be in the conversation.
Plus, your family probably feels that way because they don't know any gays, you said your one Aunt and Uncle had some, so why not start there?

It kind of like when someone makes a racist joke, no one says it if someone of that race is around. I hope you find what you need to come out to your family, I just did and it feels pretty damn good.

 

Wow, I feel for you, man. I've never been in a room with so many anti-gay things being said by so many people, but I pretty much know how you felt and that sucks. I think there is some truth in the previous posts. As pointed out, once you're out to your family they probably won't make gay jokes around you, but some of them will be doing it when you're not there. I guess that's the thing that makes me not want to bother with my family and friends. They don't make racist jokes regardless of who is nearby, yet they think gays are good for ridicule. Maybe you just need to avoid them until they grow up or until you decide to tell them off for being asshats.

I wish you all the best (*hug*)