Hey Guys, So, I've been seeing a guy for a while now(Since around summer 2010). I really haven't told a whole lot of people about him, and only my roommates, close friends, and his roommates and best friend know about us. At first things were pretty good; we hung out a lot, had fun, I met his roommates and friends and got along really well with all of them. However, things began thinning when the school year started. At first, I assumed it was because we were both busy, and we both even told each other that it was hard to find time to hang out around our workload. Nonetheless, we still hung out pretty frequently and I attended the parties he and his roommates would throw as well. Over time, however, we began hanging out less and less. He'd still send me texts asking me how I was, or that he wanted to hang out. So, we would, but it wasn't as frequently as before. Now it's gotten to the point that we hardly text each other, though, when we do, things seem fairly normal. It also bothers me that there have been times when he said he would be busy doing work or studying and then his friends would post FB status' saying things like "Had a fun time with blah, blah, and so-and-so getting our drank on". I really don't know what to make of this. But I have a bit of a confession. I knew from the start that this would be a short term thing; I didn't really see any kind of future with him. There were just way to many issues he had that I couldn't deal with(like his serious aggression and belligerence when drunk, finding out he smoked, etc.) However, now that I know his roommates and am good friends with them, it's hard for me just to say "it's over" and walk away. Along with that, I hanging out with him and all of them is still incredibly fun. I'm thinking that the best thing to do would be to talk to one of his roommates and ask him what he thinks, that way I can get a different opinion on the thing. But I don't know exactly how that would go. All I have heard is that he's said good things about me, but I do not know what is really going on. I'm just a bit unsure of what to do and want someone else's opinion on this.
Please think carefully about continuing in this relationship. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for over a year, and I let things be bad for a long time, which resulted in my face getting punched. I'm not saying that your relationship would end up the way mine did, but I would be careful if he gets "aggressive." I've been giving people the advice lately that even though something may be hard to do, it's better sometimes to just take the hits (no pun intended) and move on. Even though you might like hanging out with his friends, you really don't want to be gettin' yo' drink on with people he was friends with first. Cut your losses and call it a day if you really think this relationship is going to go nowhere.
^ This. I know firsthand as well that belligerent drunks are dangerous. Maybe not at first, but almost always eventually. Personally, I would push him into the friend zone and move on with other, more constructive relationships in the romantic sense. It doesn't sound like either you or him are interested in anything long-term anyway.
Well, it sounds like you moved into the friend zone already. If you're occasionally texting and hanging out with him and his roommates and having fun, that's a cool thing friends do, but none of that screams "boyfriend" to me. Add to that that there's some issues you're not comfortable with, and I'd honestly say you're better off just remaining friends, minus the "boyfriend" part. Obviously, I don't know the guy like you do, but this doesn't even need to be all that bad. Just sitting down for an honest talk, acknowledging that you feel like you're better off being friends and hanging out (no need to cut ties alltogether) than doing things in a "boyfriend" capacity might work (if he's a reasonable guy when he's not being drunk). And something tells me that if he doesn't really pursue regular talking and meeting, that's already what he wants (even if he doesn't feel like saying so out loud and only showing by actions). Or, if you're unsure about going so far as a "break-up talk" (or if you want to patch things up instead), it might be best to tell him what you told us. If you're boyfriends, concerns about how often you hang out should be a rather normal topic to talk about. While you could go behind his back, querying roommates and the like, they're only observers on the sidelines, so it's really best to bite the bullet and have an honest chat with him. It's harder, but you're much more likely to get some actual results.
