It's been a long time since I've posted a question here... this is probably going to be more venting than "what should I do," but advice is more than welcome! Long story short, my best friend (for a few years now) and I have fallen into this FWB relationship. It's actually happened before, though something seems to be different this time. Initially we had met on a dating site, hit it off right away, but after 2 dates we both sort of came to the conclusion that it wasn't the right fit, and that we should just be friends instead. That was fine with me. Soon after, we also realized we had this sexual chemistry that had us falling into bed at the drop of a hat. This was very out of character for me, as I am not a "hook up" or "FWB" kind of person (nothing against those who are), but I know I tend to develop feelings whereas others can just have a physical encounter. In fact, with any other friends, I'm of the mindset "ewww, gross, I don't want to see you naked!" Anyway, back then, I remember I ended it because I said I knew I would develop feelings and would end up hurt. So we did, and became even better friends. We both had various other boyfriends come and go. This past year we've both been in a rather cynical mindset after some bad relationships, where we both think guys and relationships are not worth the hassle. Perhaps because of it, we've fallen back into old habits. Now, this time around it was perfect mutual, and I may have thought that I could separate my feelings. But, here we are. I don't know what tipped the scales in the other direction, but today I suddenly feel a wave of sadness that we have something that is nothing more than "a thing" for him, yet means so much more to me. I guess I may have always liked him quite a lot, though I knew I was not his type of person to date. I guess also it hurts to think that he only likes me for physical reasons, where with me it's more than that. IDK... I know consciously I'm asking to have my cake and eat it too. And I know I can't, and the answer is "stop doing this with him." But somehow it doesn't make me feel any better or less sad about the whole thing. *sigh* times like this I wish I still had my therapist to go to...
Have you actually told him that you feel this way? What if he actually likes you back too? If you think he is worth it, why not give it a shot and come clear with your feelings? What's the worst that could happen?
You make a very good point... I have thought about telling him how I felt. But I always come up with the worst scenarios in my mind. IDK. I kind know I'm not a person he would date from things he has said in the past. Also I have a horrible fear that even if he did want to date, what if I am making a horrible mistake and misinterpreting these feelings of friendship and physical affection, and when it didn't work out then we wouldn't even be able to stay friends. So I end up staying quiet about it. Now, I can definitely tell him I don't want to fool around anymore, he would never push that. I'm pretty sure that is the way it has to be, even if we both want it to continue. As much as I like being with him, I'm pretty sure it's for the wrong reasons and I'll be the one getting hurt.
You seem to not be happy in the relationship(the FWB) so to end it would be best... or to tell him how you feel... I think you fear the future with him. Also, you do not know how he sees the future either... and fear it as well. Since I don't think you have talked to him about how you feel?
