So I want to tell my friend I am gay but I don't know if I should. We have been friends since 2nd grade and I was the first friend he had because he was different but I did not care. I don't know if he will hate me or not because he always makes fun of the other gay kid at school (we only have one) and says stuff is gay when he thinks it's stupid and calls people fags but he love Ellen degenares (don't know how to spell it). Any advice is greatly appreciated
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! I think the first question to ask yourself is: how do you feel about telling your friend, when you really think about it. If you ask yourself and think about it, what feelings come up for you? Often times people, including friends, will make odd or stupid remarks until they are faced with the reality that one of their friends is gay. In many ways you are the best person to educate him about yourself and also about the fact that coming out and trying to be yourself around your friends can be and is hard at times. If you are uncertain as to who your friend might react to your coming out, why not try coming out to another friend first? Building up some support and having a one or two coming outs that went well before coming out to that friend might help you. Do you know the other gay kid at school? If not, maybe try forging a friendship with him/her and talk to him/her and try to share your experiences. Talking with others and building up your support network is important. Your support network can include friends, teachers, counselors, family members, LGBT support groups, etc.... Before you come out to your friend, maybe stand in front of the mirror, and just say out loud: 'I want to come out to my friend!," and just try to gauge as to how you feel about saying that and think about what you would need to do to make it happen. Hope this helps a bit!
Yes, I think you should. If he has been your friend for that long, then I doubt that he will be unaccepting even if he has said things in the past. He may initially be shocked, or quiet or uncomfortable and this is almost to be expected. Saying "I've always been gay, nothing's changed" might make it easier for him. If he reacts negatively and keeps reacting negatively then he isn't someone that you should have in your life anyway. But he's far more likely to be fine, atleast after a few days to come to terms with it. Don't read too much into people saying homophobic comments; it sucks that they are so insensitive but most of the time they say it without thinking. The first person is definitely the hardest, but it's such a relief after you've gotten over that hurdle .
Hi there! Congratulations on coming out! It took quite a bit of courage! Give your friend some time to come around to it fully. As you continue to be yourself around him, you give him also the chance to learn more about you, and often times that's what makes people come around.
Thanks now I just have to tell my friend I've had since 1st grade. And that might be a long time because he really hates gays
Hi there! I think taking your time in coming out to him is good. Remember that coming out is not a race. There is no deadline that you need to keep or make. You have come out to one friend. Take it in, and enjoy that for a little while. Start and keep building up your support network and surround yourself with people who you know are going to be accepting and supportive of you. Your support network can become really valuable throughout your coming out journey.
Congrats on coming out, I remember telling my best friend, I was scared shitless and was worried of the reaction. When I told him, he was fine with it 100% and said he kinda guess I was gay...lol I guess kinda obvious, being my best friend since Kindergarden, he of all people should really know.
