Ok, first off this is my first time posting on this website (i seriously only made an account about 30mins ago) and secondly please excuse my poor spelling, now and in future posts. I need some advise on whether or not I should tell some friends/my mum that I'm gay. I've been 99% sure for about just a little over a month now and I've made it my new years resolution to tell at least my best friend (who's a girl (like most of my friends)). But the only thing that's stopping me is that if I tell my friends things can get out and news like this travels around my school fast. Now it's not that I don't trust my friends, because I do, my problem is that I'm worried that if my whole school finds out that I'm going to get bullied already more than I do at the moment (I'm not so popular at my school). I don't know, maybe it's just me being paranoid but I really want to tell someone without the risk of everyone finding out. :help:
Firstly I big HEY :smilewave and welcome to the family, glad you could join us! Right, I'm not fantastic source of advice for this, but I'll give some thoughts that I have - these are not set in stone and I would say they're certainly not the best, but here they are... You say you're worried that news travels fast around schools (my experience, it certainly does XD) and you're worried that you could get further bulling for it. I valid fear, I have to agree. So based on this, can your friend keep a secret? That's a biggie, if she can't, or might confide in one of her friends, will they keep it under-wraps? Do you know what her views are on gays in general? What you don't want to happen is to loose a good friend. If you want to go ahead a tell her, maybe you could set it up as a very close guy friend of mine did when he came out to me - he told me over MSN, then when we next saw each other we went on a very long walk and just chatted about it all. So I suggest telling her when she's on her own, no one near or around. You could write her a letter, tell over MSN, over text, or text and say, "You got some free time, can I call? I want to tell you something." and tell her over the phone, might be easier and less nerve-wrecking than face-to-face. I think telling your mum might be a good first port of call; she's not going to blurt something out in school and the new's just flies. However, it's always best to gauge what she thinks of homosexually as well - I know some parents can be rather homophobic but then have a child of theirs come out and their whole view changes, but I guess that'll be stressful and might not change their views. So maybe try and gauge her thoughts, if you don't know already - watch the news with her when something's on or say, "I've read an article on gay rights / gay marriage..." and see where the conversation leads. Do you have any gay family friends? Has she made any comments in the past? I can't speak from personal expreence, but I've read numerous stories on here about telling mums and there's a range of positive responses; "I thought you might have been " Mum's have the annoying ability, sometimes; "Wow, wasn't expecting that, you sure? ... Well, I love you just the same ..."' and the general loving acceptance. So if you think your mum can take it well, you've come out to someone and it isn't going to turn around and bite you. You can then look on to telling friends, she could even suggest how you do it and support you. Best of luck and let us know how it goes! Welcome again
thanks for your advise Rosina I know with telling my mum that she'll be able to keep it a secret and that she'll accept me no matter what, but it's that I feel like I should talk to a friend about it first. I could talk to my friend about it over facebook chat but I use my laptop provided my the school/government (which doesn't let me on facebook or msn) because I don't get much privacy on the home computer, or my whole house at all. I trust my best friend and I know she can keep it a secret, as well as most of my good friends, and I know that none of them have anything against gay people. Perhaps I'm just over thinking this a bit to much and making a big deal over something that's probably going to be nothing.
Hey man, trust me I know exactly what you are going through. My family my whole life has kinda been set in their ways, in high school I was a big football star and wrestler lol, so I couldnt come out. It ate me up so bad though, I did come out in Sept, I agree with Rosina that start with a family member, usually female cause they will take it better. I told my sister first, then as I got comfortable talking to her about it, I then told the rest of my family. So I think maybe a similar path for you could work, but everyone is different. Good Luck, everything will work out.
thanks finallyout I think I just needed to vent a bit...I always keep everything bottled up inside and never tell anyone about my problems. before I started this thread I had this knotted up feeling in my chest that's kinda getting me down but now that I've at least written about my problems it's starting to loosen. I think I've come to the conclusion to think it over and tell my friend when I get back to school. Just to make sure I'm in the right head space and won't have a panic attack. I would tell my mum now/soon, but I don't feel like I'm quite ready to tell her yet.
I'm thinking of telling the oldest of my 2 sisters ( I have a bro aswell - im the youngest)...i know she'll be happy for me and (hopefully) wont tell anyone. okay then...I've decided, I'm going to tell my sister this weekend. then go from there. I'll post what happens in the coming out section Thank you guys for your advise and letting me blab about my crappy life problems which I always over think and worry to much about
