Hi, I'm a bisexual 19 year-old at university. I have 'known' I was bi for as long as I've been aware of my sexuality, and my friends and even some of my tutors know. I do not hide my sexuality at all, except from my parents, but I think this has gone on long enough, and I would love to come out to them, as I don't want to lie to them. Thing is, they employ a "don't ask, don't tell" policy whenever I try to come out. I have tried twice before, but the minute I mention anything about me that might be about my sexuality (not just in the context of straight, bi and gay, just anything implying that I have sexual feelings at all) they change the subject in a jokey way, saying there are some things that they just don't want to know. My mum has gone as far as to shout over me in a jokey way, going "that's enough now, thank you!" leaving me feeling, well, gagged. :eusa_sile I also think that neither of them will be very understanding, and may even refuse to acknowledge my sexuality as legitamate. Both of my parents subscribe to the view that bi people either haven't made up their minds or are just desparate. Also I think my father is homophobic and ignorant; he refuses to acknowledge that the term 'dyke' can be offensive, and believes the offensive maxim "the only difference between a straight person and a bisexual is a couple of pints." I have no idea how to come out to them, as I have never had to do a big "coming out" before, I just mentioned it casually to friends at appropriate moments, as I have never thought that my friends would treat me any differently, and that if they did, they weren't worth keeping as friends. I also have no fear of my parents rejecting me because of this, but I have the feeling that they would mock me and not take me seriously. Help plz. Thank you
Just keep talking, don't let them gag you. When your mom starts to "Joke" loudly over you, don't stop talking. I'm not saying get into a shouting match. Just keep talking, while ignoring their obnoxiousness. Next time your dad says something offensive, call him out on it. "Dad you know that offends me" type stuff. You're parent's arn't slow, just a little closed minded, and you'd be amazed what can be learned and accepted. They'll come around give, them time.
If you have "don't ask don't tell" parents, just don't tell them. Assume they already know. Assume you already had the talk with them, and go about your daily business. If you start dating a woman, and your parents ask if you're seeing anybody, just say "yeah, but you don't want to hear about that" and change the subject. Lex
This :eusa_clap I would second the idea about already having had the talk with them - I wouldn't let it drag you down, they'll find out when they're good and ready, but that shouldn't hold you back.
I'm in two minds about this. On one hand, I think Lex may have the right idea; if sex/sexuality just isn't something your family talks about (do you have any siblings, are your parents the same way with them?), then follow his advice and just don't talk about it. On the other hand, I get the impression from your post that you are otherwise very open, and that not being equally open with your parents bothers you. If that's the case, and you are determined to tell them, rather than start a conversation and get blocked, then you could try writing a letter. But that depends on how vital you feel it is to explicitly tell them you're bi.
Thank you everyone for answering me so quickly I have a lot to think about and two different options to consider, which is very helpful. Cheers! :icon_bigg You hit the nail on the head there, I really like to be open and honest, which my parents don't value as much as me, so where there happy to leave things untalked about, that usually makes me uncomfortable. To give you an idea of how "cloak and dagger" they can be, in answer to your question about siblings, around my mum I would say I am an only child, and I have been raised as such. However, I do have a half brother 10 years my junior from my dad's affair. I only found out about him by accident when he was five, and my dad still doesn't discuss him with me around my mum or at all unless I ask about him, even though he spends time with him. So yeah, I couldn't say if the way they react about my sexuality is just unique to me or not. Though my mum seems okay with my friends' sexuality (in that she knows one of my friends is bi and another is a lesbian) and she's never been uncomfortable with that.
