1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Predicament

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mike, Feb 11, 2006.

  1. Mike

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2005
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It seems I have a problem, I absent mindedly starting dating 2 guys at the same time…:eusa_doh:
    And I don’t know who to choose, ugh
    It started like this… I had been seeing Doug for a while and then we kind of lost contact, within that time I started talking with Matt. But now it seems it was a miscommunication with Doug, and I was stupid to start off with someone else. The funny thing is I am always worried one of them would have an affair and now it seems I am the one doing that, it seems.
    Though now I am undecided as to whom I should stay with, plus both have good and bad things about them. This it where it gets kinda complicated:
    Doug is really cool but he is a bit older (27) and lives far away, but he is much easier to be with and everything… his downfall is I am the first guy he’s been with for the most part seeing as he was “straight” for like 13 years! And quite a ladies man. Plus I’m afraid he would rather be with someone more like himself, and plus we always keep out relationship on the dl (which is ok)
    Matt on the other hand is only a bit older than me (22) and lives closer, plus we get a long pretty well and talk everyday; also he is great with my friends. The problems with him are spends money he doesn’t have, big-time clubber and is much more likely to cheat on me.

    So who should I end it with and how!? :confused:
     
  2. Paul_UK

    Paul_UK Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    6,885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Do they both know about the situation, and about each other?

    One approach may be to tell them a bit more if they dont know, then judge by their reactions. Sooner or later they will find out, so it may be better to come clean straight away. Keeping secrets from partners is always a bad idea, as when it does come out (maybe years later) the result is usually worse than if you'd been truthful at the time.

    It's not as though you were deliberately seeing two guys at once - it came about due to a misunderstanding with Doug. So maybe you need to sit down with Doug and tell hoim what's happened and why (but being careful not to blame him unnecessarily).
     
  3. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Wow that is a pretty pickle you're in. I would totally recommend Doug if it weren't for the whole "straight" thing. Still, if you like hanging out with him better, ultimately that's what a relationship is about. Although having to keep things secret would definitely bug me, if you are okay with that...

    When I was 21, I had my first serious relationship with a guy who was 29. I thought it was great.

    If the other guy has money issues and is a big-time clubber... well... that doesn't sound too promising from the long-term perspective. I guess it depends what you want. Personally I kinda see it being more realistic to get the newly-gay guy more comfortable with being in your relationship than getting the clubbing guy more... responsible, I guess.

    But yeah, maybe explain to Doug what happened--just from what you've said it sounds like he'd take it better. People who are heavily immersed in the clubbing scene can be (can be, as opposed to "are always") pretty immature in the high school way where they feel "revenge" is their due when "wronged." At least my personal experience has been that people who are otherwise level-headed and non-volatile can become pretty immature if they're hanging around a crowd where that kind of thing is not only sanctioned but expected. It's kinda like really bad pack mentality syndrome.

    Let us know how things go!