He doesn't like me. He's gay, but he doesn't like me. It doesn't help that every encounter with him makes me like him more, while at the same time hearing his name makes me wince and I cannot foresee ever wearing Chucks because those are what he wears. I thought it had become okay already. For a while I was even feeling like I could have a non-romantic friendship with him. Not that he ever told me. I had been getting extremely ambiguous signals from him, especially since outright saying, "I really like you." "Ambiguous" in this case does not mean "I had been wishfully perpetuating a delusion" -- the way he'd been acting had been genuinely perplexing, even to outside parties. So, tiring of his evasions and such, I signed onto Gaia to send him this message: It seems like the dynamic between us has gotten more and more awkward since I said "I really like you." My feelings remain unchanged, and I need to know if you feel the same way. I've been getting a lot of ambiguous signals from you, and I would much rather that you not like me and tell me than that you continue to avoid answering. If you've evaded giving a direct answer out of not wanting to hurt my feelings, then please just tell me because it's much more painful to be perpetually uncertain. He read it -- it was gone from my outbox -- but didn't respond. Frustrated to say the LEAST, I sent him another message. The subject of this one was "Uh, does this mean 'no'?" The text: Seeeeriously, I just want to know. ::exasperated:: I then signed onto AIM; he was on. After less than a minute, as I was preparing to confront him, he signed off! Shortly thereafter one of his friends told me that he had said he didn't like me but was, in her words, "afraid" to let me know. I can understand this, but I think he's taken it to a ridiculous extent. Flash forward to today, at 12:21 in the morning, unable to sleep for the usual reason (him!). Is it sad and pathetic that I clicked onto his Gaia account to see where he'd been posting on the forums, and found it horribly depressing that he'd attained a level of intimacy with these people he's never going to meet that he would never have attained with me? And I reiterate that by "ambiguous," I REALLY DO MEAN AMBIGUOUS. The mixed nature of his signals was NOT my imagination. I know what to do; I need to be my own best friend and find my own happiness. Plans don't always transfer easily into action.
wow. I dont know what to say. Mixed signals are no fun, especially from someone you like. Its impossable to know exactly what someone is feeling, and guessing is just gonna dig yourself into a deeper hole. Theres no right thing to do, but theres no wrong things to do.
That sounds confusing and painful. Ive never recieved mixed signals (no one to send me any) but i guess maybe he just has a flirtatious nature but dont close yourself of from the world, of course you should find your own happiness but let others make you happy too, its good to have some one else to talk to (we're really predictable to oyrselves).
Thanks to both of you for posting. I've been unable to read any books, write any fiction, do anything except mope and listen to music. It was only today that I was finally able to pierce my apathy and spend many, many hours catching up on schoolwork. Just prior to the beginning of my hinting and then my direct approach, we had been planning all sorts of friendly meet-ups! He asked when I was working so he could come visit me! Etc.! But it all started unraveling when I came clean about my feelings. I will say that the songs of the Dresden Dolls are helping. "Half Jack" gives me chills.
