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post-coming out depression

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Gambit, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. Gambit

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    Long story short: One night I got too drunk. That lead me telling my mom the following: "I can't meet your expectations" , "I am not what you think I am" , "for long I have been suffering and sometimes I have wanted to kill myself", "I'm in love with someone who will never love me back". Next morning she woke me up extremely worried. We talked for a little bit and then I told her the reason for my depression is that I don’t like girls and that I have known that for a while. I also told her that I have been trying to accept myself for a year now and that I'm not depressed anymore. I told her how EC has helped me accept myself (I didn't specify the name of the website). She told me I am confused, since sometimes I have been in love with girls (which is true! She saw me crying for those girls a couple of times). That same day she took me to a psychologist. She made me draw a person and talk about my problems. I told her I liked boys. She told me that I was straight (according to my drawing), but that I'm confused. She told me that I have extrapolated my life problems into my sexual orientation. Basically, she said that my parent's divorce + other economic problems affected my sexual orientation but my sexual identity is straight. She told me that if I talk to a psychologist a couple of times I will become straight again. My mother was very satisfied with this explanation. I personally believe is not truth. I have liked guys even before my parents got divorced. This only made feel worse. I feel like a freak now. All the self-esteem I have built during the last year has been shattered. I feel so bad now. I regret so much telling my mom I didnt like girls. I thought coming out would bring me some peace. I'm just worried and regret coming out so much. I want to jump back into the closet and bury myself inside of it. I hate everything now, although I have had a successful live so far. I hate who I’m. I just wish I was another person. I hate feeling this attraction for guys. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not sure about anything anymore. I just want to cry and have someone to hug me and tell me everything will be ok. :tears:

    ~Charlie
     
  2. (*hug*) Hey, it's going to be okay.

    I'm sorry your mom is not being very supportive, and this therapist you saw does not sound legit to me. They shouldn't be telling YOU how YOU feel or who YOU are. That's for you to find out for yourself. And that finding out is really hard sometimes, be it about your sexuality or about anything. Coming out is rough, and you expect that you'll just feel better once you spill your guts, but it's not always that way. I don't have a lot of good advice for you because I've never been in your exact situation before, but I do have to say, chin up. It's maybe going to take some time to figure out who you are and what you want, but don't let anyone else knock it over while you're building. If you need help or advice or even just someone to vent to, keep coming here. You said it has helped you before, and it can help you again.
     
  3. Eleanor Rigby

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    (*hug*) (*hug*) Everything IS going to be ok Charlie.
    Just make sure not to go back to see that psychologist anymore. Because what she told you is CRAP !
    Nobody can tell you from a drawing and from talking with you once what your sexual orientation is, neither they can pretend to be able to "fix" you in a few sessions.
    This is a complete nonsense !!!!!
    Please, please, don't inflict that to yourself.
    If you have problems, including problems with dealing with your sexuality, talking to a therapist can help you. But a proper one ! Not one of these charlatans who pretend to be able to turn you straight.
    Besides, nothing with your orientation that needs to be fixed. Who ever you like, it's completly allright.
    I'm sorry that your mother had been reacting this way, and even more sorry that she is now reinforced in denial by what this :tantrum: of "psychologist" told her.
    Maybe you can try to talk to her again and explain her how this is making you feel. You can also give her this Pflag booklet, that could be helpful for her: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Daughters_Sons.pdf
    But definitly make it clear that you're NOT going to go back to that "psychologist" again. You more than anyone else in this world KNOW who YOU are attracted to. If she has a problem with it, then it's her problem (I know, I know... it's easier said than done). But please, don't let yourself be harmed so that your mother could comfortably stays in denial.
    You're not responsible for anyone happiness, but yours.
    I know you're in a bad place right now, but please, remember there is NOTHING wrong with who you are, and don't let ANYONE making you think otherwise.
    Stick around EC, PM your friends or PM any advisors if you want to talk about it, or call a helpline if you need too.
    Take care of yourself (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Cécile
     
  4. straal1972

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    (*hug*)(*hug*) lots of hugs Charlie. I can't more strongly echo what Elanor said. But I want to address your above statement. Our families and society put a lot of pressure on us to be 'normal' or better still the same as everyone else. We then take this external pressure and apply it to ourselves. We try to become the stereotypical man we are told to be. We struggle with this, sometimes for years. All the time wondering why you feel different or odd. I've gone down that road. It's hard while going down it and hard trying to change the directions of it, but i'm doing it.

    Don't let outside forces tell you what or who you are!!! That is for you to figure out. Don't worry about knowing whether you're gay or straight or bi or whatever today. It may take a while, maybe even years (don't be scared of that). There is ABSOLUTELY no rush to be labelled.

    Take care and keep posting.