I really want to come out to my family, mostly my parents. I don't really want them to know this sort of thing, I tend to keep everything about my personal life separated from them by a 5ft thick lead barrier, but I just want to get it off my chest and start living properly, without this hanging over me constantly. But the problem is, I can't talk to people on a personal level, especially my family. The deepest conversations I ever have are about what's for dinner. So I can't talk to them about things, let alone such important things. So I don't know how I am ever going to do this. The only way I could ever imagine coming out to them is by accident, or by being asked a question that I can't back out of. Everyday I leave my computer open on EC, or anything that would reveal my sexuality to someone who decided to look. I wouldn't even care that they were snooping around my room, if only they could find out somehow. I want to get a pride bracelet, or something that will definitely make someone say 'Isn't that a bit gay'. I mean, my only answer to that would be 'well, that's the point, isn't it.' It would be so easy that way. But what's even more annoying is that I have been asked that question before, but completely denied anything. I need to force myself into this, but I can't. The other day I could barely even ask mum to buy me some mouthwash. I mean, come on! What's wrong with asking for freaking mouthwash? I just suck, is what's wrong. It isn't even their reaction I'm worrying about. I'm sure they wouldn't give two shits, and even if they did have a bad reaction, I wouldn't really care. I'm not close enough to my family to care what they think. I picture it all the time, in so many different ways. Mum/dad walks into my room and sees something on the computer that they cannot deny means I'm gay. They walk into my room one morning to see me cuddled up with my boyfriend in bed (I don't have a boyfriend, and am probably a good few decades away from one, so this will never work). Heck, I don't care if someone walks in on me freaking wanking to a pair of sweaty guys slamming each other furiously, at least they would know I was gay. I think I want them to find out that way. I want them to just walk into a room and see something that says 'your son is gay, no question'. I wish it was that easy. I wish I could set up a day, to drive my family into the right situation, and have them see a big flashing sign proclaiming my sexuality. But I don't even know why I want them to know. I am hardly what you would call close to them, we never talk, I never spend time with them. So I can't for the life of me work out why the hell I give a fuck about this. Why? What could possibly possess me to care about coming out to 4 people who are essentially unwanted housemates?
First of all, it's your decision whether you want to come out to your parents/family or not. Don't you think that eventually they will find out?...or that you will eventually tell them? I respect the fact that you want to keep your personal life private from your parents, but do you think it is not right to completely shut them out, I understand that you hardly talk to them, but bottom line, they are your parents, and they have been raising you for the past 16 years! I don't think the issue is whether you want them to know that you are gay, I think that you are waiting for that right time. From your out status and from what I have been reading here, it seems that you are comfortable with your sexuality? If you want to get this of your chest and live properly so to speak or live freely, then tell them, but I don't think you should rush it. Give it time, your still young, you will know when you are ready but by all means if you want to tell them soon you should consider some things first, such as acceptance and financial dependence ect, that sorta stuff. Also Wallrose, it seems to me that you don't really have a relationship with your parents, my advice, try and build one with them regardless of how you feel about them as "housemates", you may regret it one day and before you realise it may be too late. BTW, I so totally wanna get a pride bracelet myself! Where in Australia can you get some!
Well yeah, they are my parents, and I love them, no question. But a lot of the time, they are just scenery that talks to me, asking me stupid questions, the sort of stupid questions that could only come out of a 50 year old mouth. As for the rest of my family, my brothers. My brothers are an entirely different story. Don't quite know what's going on there myself. So I am fairly distant from my family, and intimate, personal conversations happen once in a blue moon. As for being comfortable with my sexuality, hell yes. I'm more comfortable with that than I am in these pants, and these are some very comfy pants. I still have to concrete it in my mind. I get a bit doubtful at times, about everything really. But I would say that I am very comfortable with it. I do have a relationship with my parents, it just isn't quite a normal relationship. It's a bit one sided aswell. They, being your standard parents, are always asking questions, making sure I'm alright, etc. etc. I, being your standard teenager, am always groaning, and moaning, and hoping they will shut up before my ears fall off so I can scuttle off to my room to board myself up for days on end. So there is a relationship there, it just isn't so strong. And pride bracelets? Search me. I don't know anywhere to get them beyond buying one online. I dunno, jewelry shops would probably have them, at least those ugly, pink, brightly coloured shops, with all the horrible stuff. I'm just going to hunt for one.
I ended up spending a Christmas vacation in Vegas with my partner and his parents. It was very enlightening in one odd respect. My partner's father would occasionally crack a joke (mildly) at the expense of his mother, and she'd sort of sigh and maybe roll her eyes. After one particular comment, I delivered a retort back to the father. And all three of them looked at me, stunned. (Although they did laugh.) The reason? Because "that's not how we do things", if I can put words in their mouth. And my partner later said that he had just assumed "that's the way we are". But once I was in the mix, and once I started communicating with them, too, the entire dynamic shifted. And, according to my partner, it was for the better. His father still made his cracks, but his mother didn't feel them as harshly, and often delivered some back. And the father thought that was great - he liked seeing her respond like that. My point is this. We often find ourselves in "ruts" with people, and we think "that's just the way we are". But "that's the way we are" simply by default. We fall into patterns, and if we don't make active moves to make the changes, the patterns become "unwritten rules". But they can be broken. Anytime we actively choose to, they can be altered or changed. That doesn't mean everybody will WANT them to change, or that they won't be resistance to that change. (Most everybody gets comfortable even with the most painful of patterns.) But you CAN make the change, if you want to bad enough. You want to tell your parents? Tell them. You can. It might seem like you can't, simply because you're in a years-long pattern of not talking to them, but if you really want to make the move, you can. You might try writing something out, printing it out, and handing it to them to read if that'll make things easier. But don't trick yourself into feeling that you're stuck in your current pattern. You can make the move if you want to bad enough. And it may be just the kick you need to help you further along. Lex
Eh, The reason you care is because you prolly just want you're own voice to be heard and to have everyting out on the table, even if it is to just "unwanted roommates" or whatever you said. I wish thing's were like that too, but thing is. It doesn't come that simple for some people. And, either way, if you tell you're parents or they find out in a way as such you described then either way, they're gonna find out. As I said, everyone cares about they're sexuality. Thing is, sme people would prefer it to be heard, as sometimes it makes things a bit easier for you and the way you communicate with people who know.
Good to know you are doing okay, as I said before, its good to have a relationship with them and I am glad that you said you love them *thumbs up*. Even if your relationship with your parents is not strong, you should be happy with they fact that there is a relationship. It is good you are comfortable with your sexuality, so it should not be that hard for you, when you decide when it's time to come out to them. As for pride bracelets I searched for some right after I checked out and replyed to your post last night. It seems the only place we can get them here in Australia is online. Such a shame, there are so many places in America where we can buy them, such a shame I can't just jump on a plane and get one! Stay strong and Be strong!
