I'm a coward

I have a similar experience, in that I know that majority of my friends will accept it if I tell them. I also have had 3 gay friends, to whom I continue to insist that I am not gay. but the one friend that I really really don't want to lose has a fanatical religious belief about the immorality of being gay, so i keep it quiet among the friend circle.

Now as for parents, I think I get the impression that it will be ok with ur parents if u told them the truth. You might be embarrassed about having said no to the question before, but honestly they are your parents and loves you unconditionally.

There's also nothing wrong with keeping it secret for as long as you want to. I'm 23 and still not out yet. I told my parents, who seemed to pull out the "u r confused" card and that was totally disappointing. But life besides having a love life is good, why worry?

As they are saying in some other threads, if u are desperate, u wont meet any good quality boyfriends anyway. But if you are happy being single, chances are you will find much better companions.

 

Welcome to EC!

I didn't come out at all until I was 20. It just took me that long until I realized, and until I was sure. And all of my friends and family were accepting. It's never too late to come out. People instinctively know that it's tough to come to grips with something like this, and that even with accepting family and friends, there's a fear of rejection and "finality". You might hear somebody say "you should know you can talk to us about anything", but this isn't meant as an indictment. It's meant as support. They want you to know you can count on them - and that's a good thing to hear.

As far as not finding guys attractive - well, I'll just say keep working on coming out. It's funny how many more opportunities present themselves once everybody knows you're on the market.

Lex

 

Wow, almost thought I started this thread after reading it... I am you (not really), only a couple years older. You're doing better than me granted we each have our own unique issues and backrounds (despite how similar you sound lol...) You're dealing with guilt and shame because you feel like you've been lieing to people your whole life and you want to be able to be yourself. I am dealing with they exact same thoughts right now. But hey, nobody is perfect, seriously, name one. Being comfortable with being so inherently different, as well as being comfortable with everyone else knowing is not easy. I am lacking the experience on the other side of this decision, but obviously, like me, this is what you want if you are here.

You said you're a freshman in college... ok I know it's a big change in itself, moving away from home, you have probably been thrown into a huge dorm with tons of strangers from all over. I get it, everyone is trying to fit in and make new friends and standing out, being "the gay guy" is a scary proposition. I am now a junior in college, and all I can say is, if you certain about this right now, and that you won't change, then take the plunge, come out if it is really what you want. I failed this part when I was a freshman, and now everyone knows me here as being, well I hate the word lol, but for lack of a better term, macho, straight, "normal" etc... So now that I'm out of denial, coming out is going to be a lot more dramatic because I have history here now with lots of new people, and the same will happen to you if you don't act now, the sooner the better. But again, just make sure it's what you really want, I mean reeally think about it, it has taken me till halfway to my 21rst birthday to really make the decision, even though I've always known I was gay. Only now am I starting to tell a couple people, so you're doing fine already just keep your head up and don't feel bad, enjoy your imperfect life, it's yours and you can't have another I'm sorry. Remember, this will only get harder so keep going.

 

Tiredofsleep is right. If you're a freshman in college, don't miss the chance you have to define yourself however you want, because its harder to escape a label once you have it. That way, you'll end up with friends who definitely accept you instead of having to worry about it later.

I came out upon switching high schools and while being the new gay kid to some people was intimidating, it let me find people who were ok with it. If you're emotionally ready, I think you should come out ASAP so you won't have to worry about the pressure of potentially damaging long-term friendships when you do.

As to your parents, don't even worry about it. The fact that they asked is a good sign. My parents were repulsed when I told them, but I'm still ok, so you'll probably be great. (*hug*)

 

Anyway dont be too hard on yourself. Anyway where did you get most teens come out at 15? anyway many people dont even come out till they are 20s or older. Infact there are cases of people comming out in their 50s. Besides there are also many people married to the opposite sex that are secretly gay and living an loveless marriage. I really depends on the background of the person.

Anyway give it time and you will come out. Dont be too hard on yourself. You are still very young. Other things will take their place such as boyfriend.

 

Oh, 19 isn't old! You have all kinds of time yet. Don't feel bad about not coming out when you think you should have, you have to take your time and do it when it feels good to. If you weren't comfortable enough to give them an answer, it's not lying.

Ask your sibling to help you if you think it will make it easier with your parents. It sounds like you have a lot of love in your life. I think you'll be okay.

 

Dear TheScout

Please don't think that anyone will think the less of you for not coming out sooner. I only told my parents when I was 30. Your parents in particular will not be comparing you to other teens if you come out to them.

Also please don't miss out on the support available at university. If there is a club to join then join it! Advice from one who didn't!

Good luck

Prester

 

Honestly, you're being far too hard on yourself 19 too old? Well, I was 21 before I finally came to terms with being gay and came out. You'll find many on here who came out later - 20s, 30s, 40s and even later. So honestly, don't worry about it. When I told people, they didn't ask why I was only coming out now and not sooner, they just accepted it. I think people understand how hard it is for people struggling with their sexuality, most people just feel happy for you that you can finally be yourself. Your parents will understand completely, I'm sure of it.

Sure, lots of people do realise they're gay much earlier and come out sooner, but others don't. It really depends on the individual. At fifteen, it hadn't even entered my head that I could be gay! I went through all the denial as well, I'm sure its something most of us on here can relate to. I placed every sort of label on me, I was straight, gay, bisexual, asexual. Some of that was denial, some of it was simply confusion. I never really worked it out until finally I did have the confidence to say I was gay, it just took time to reach that point. For me it was 21, for some it might be 15, for others it might be 55. For you, its 19.4 (I love the accuracy by the way!). In the end, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that you've reached that point, and you finally want to get on with your life.

Its great that a few friends have been very accepting, I know how you feel about being slightly underwhelmed about the responses, I too feared rejection for years, and yet when I came out I got hugely anti-climatic responses........but they were the best possible responses, because it demonstrated how accepting people were of it. People were surprised but it wasn't a big deal, and nothing changed between my friends and I. That included people who I thought wouldn't take it so well after hearing what I perceived to be homophobic comments. People can very often surprise us. As you say though, you have no control over how people respond, if people can't accept who you are then they're not worth knowing anyway. Your real friends will accept who you are.

I too think in a way I missed out on this sort of aspect of my life growing up, but you know what, there's plenty of time to catch up! You're 19, you still have many, many years ahead of you for meeting other guys and all that. Please don't hate yourself for repressing these feelings, I felt this way too but I feel its just a natural way of initially dealing with it. After denial comes acceptance. And so there's no use hating yourself for it, better to put those years behind you and focus on the present, when you can finally be open and start to experience this aspect of life

 

Congratulation, age does not matter in this situation.
Most people are confused about their sexuality and take time to understand themselves, and hey it is best to take time and make the right decision, right?

And 19 being old? You just made my worst fear become a reality. jk=P

 

OP, how about pouring your heart out in a letter to your parents? You articulate well.

 

Hey man, you're doing fine on coming out Don't regret not coming out junior year; it's no big deal and you can't go back in time. You just weren't ready then. You've had more time to think about it and mature and this is the time that's right for you. I hope you find mutual attraction with other guys and you get to have some great experiences while you're in college. Good luck to you!

 

All right couple of things:
1. You’re not a coward.
2. You are brave, if you weren’t you would have just repressed this forever, your dealing with it now. You’re no worse a position then thousands of our queer peers have been in, including me.
I defied my sexuality for a long time, I did the same as you. “I’m Bi-Sexual. Maybe I’m just really shallow.”
You’ve had a good coming out so far, I’d say if you don’t care what these other kids think then tell them, if they react badly it’ll help you prepared for how it will feel when people don’t react well to your coming out, or at least give you a sense of what to expect.
I understand the odd feeling you when everyone was totally ok with it, I’m sure if disappointed is the word, but still kinda what I felt. I was expecting a fight, but never got one then I felt stupid for getting ready for a battle when there wasn’t one in the first place.
If your worried about telling your parents, rest assured people much older have gone through it and lived to tell the tale, I just told mine and I’m almost 30.

You can do it, as for finding a guy, don’t rush it. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you HAVE to have a boyfriend, you’ll find one. Don’t rush things.
Go get ‘em, tiger!!!!