This is my second time posting about this guy.. Here`s the shortened recap: He`s been my bestfriend for three years now. I fell for him a few months into our first year. I told him, he said he knew since beforehand. We were okay until he started becoming an asshole to me during our second year. He made me cancel plans, then`s gonna ditch me. Ignore me, conniving succesfully to have me and my ex's break up. Fast forward to our third year. he confessed to me that he`s loved me since a month after i told him. We kissed. he became an asshole again two weeks after, pushing me away. I ignored him back but I couldn`t take it, as whatever happens when I try to push him away. So I told him that I didn`t want this roller coaster ride anymore, blah blah. Then he told me the reason why he`s been pushing me away: We grow too close for his comfort even if we`re just friends. Too close for his comfort cause he has a girl. Right now, I gave him six weeks to think about us. What he wants us to be. I have just two questions, now. 1. What does it mean when we can`t work out as nothing, and we can`t work out as friends? and also if you`ve tried EVERYTHING (I swear to God, I really tried everything. From getting myself drunk and slutty to drowning myself in school and extracurriculars) and you guys just can`t get over each other? We tried ignoring each other for weeks. it just hurt us both. Friendship works out for me, bearably, but not for him.. where does that leave us? We both have something really, really powerful. We both have the ability to know when the other is in the room or not, when they`re nearby. We both know how the other is feeling at an exact time. We always look for each other wherever we go.. and we both steal glances at each other whenever we can. I don`t want to think that he`s the "one" but.. what else can explain something this powerful? 2. is it selfish of me to make him choose between lovers or nothing? Friendship could have worked for me in the past but now, it`s kinda not possible. i`ll always be tormented by the fact that i came SO close. And that he chose her over me. This guy has hurt me so much already. I want to keep him in my life but I honestly can`t stand being just a friend when I know that we have some powerful. Wish me luck, guys.. prom is in two weeks. He`ll be with his girl and I have to watch them slow dance to the songs I picked out (I organized the program and hence the playlist) because they remind me of the way he makes me feel..
Hi helovesherbest. This ^. Why chase after - and be willing to settle for - what can now clearly only be half a heart? That you feel something really powerful for this lad is understandable. You've both not only enjoyed your shared companionship for a large portion of your young lives, you've also been connected as friends since about the time you became sexually aware--a period of potent changes and realizations in anyone's life. But you're both maturing & evolving and he now has a girlfriend--and possibly a desire to raise his own family one day. What's more I'd expect that he's even further conflicted in his feelings than you are. Please stop torturing yourself over him by pining for what can never be and start hunting for a young man who wants to be 100% true to you. You seem to be a sensitive soul who deserves the committed relationship that you desire. Man, I've lost count of the posts I've seen on the 'Net from guys who are cryin' for a true boyfriend. Go find one--and settle for nothing less.
I think you're friend has issues he needs to work out. Clearly he has issues with his own sexuality. The thing is, it isn't really fair of him to be with anyone while he is still working out his own problems. You shouldn't pursue a relationship with anyone who is so clearly at odds with themselves. He shouldn't be with the girl but he shouldn't be with you either, it isn't fair to either of you to have to help him. When he's running away from his own problems like that you shouldn't have to face them. It kinda sounds horrible the way I'm putting it but you need to worry about yourself. Being around him while he's going through this is hurting you so you can't be around him. I understand that you guys have been friends for a long time, and that you obviously care about him very greatly, but you have to cut yourself off from him. Don't confront him, don't give him an ultimatum, cut him out. It isn't your responsibility to help him. If trying to help him is hurting you then you can't help him. From what I'm told it feels like you've been gashed and are constantly bleeding. I'm told that it feels like you're bleeding for weeks, maybe even months. That it feels like it will never stop hurting. I'm told that then, when you think it's going to kill you, it suddenly gets better. That life goes on. It may seem like you can't live your life without him but you can. You can get passed it. It may hurt but it is better then staying close to him so he can continue to cause you pain. You deserve better then that.
One thing I say from time to time is "You're not in love with him. You're in love with an idealized version of him." One who is much like the current model, but one who actually DOES like you "like that" and isn't interested in "normalcy" or dating girls, and wants nothing more to be with him. Just one problem - this guy doesn't exist. I think he's already made his choice. And even if he does claim to choose you over them, I doubt that particular decision will stick. Lex
