I know you have all probably heard the story before, but I feel as though I need to tell mine now. Telling someone who I don't know (ie you guys) is pretty much what I need right now. Well, I'm bisexual, and finally slowly coming to terms with it. I definitely go both ways. I've always hid it inside, as many other people have done. I've been this way as long as I can remember. I'm a university student, and have seen a lot of changes personally and around me which I feel are signs that I should start coming out. For starters, one of good friends came out and I have never seen him happier. Unfortunately, I don't see myself being as lucky with a tight group of friends as he has been. You see, although my mother and sister are supportive (I know for a fact they are), there is some anti-gay sentiment in my family. My step-father hates gays, and when my father was alive, he tried to remove one of my gay uncles from our life. It kind of failed (we're a big Québecois family - you'd know what I mean if you were in one :lol as I'm actually quite close with my uncle now. He always asks if I'm 'gay yet', but I never think much about it, because it's who he is (it's actually quite funny lol). I know when I finally come out bi, he'll be so happy. He'll probably be the last person to find out though, as he has a loud mouth :lol: ANYWAY... That being said, I am not close to my step-father, but he is a veteran of the US army and my family lives in the United States (therefore, I get a monthly payment to attend university). I'd rather not make him angry and disown me or something. Another thing is that he's a huge redneck. I mean, redneck to the max. He races trucks in the mud, their garage is bigger than their house, and there's probably 20 cars in their front yard (yes, my family is poor; deal with it). Side Note: I'm the only member in my immediate family (parents, siblings) who is living in Canada and getting a university-level education, and my extended family is all in Québec. My roommate is conservative, devout Christian, blah blah blah, but he seems to have taken the coming out story of my friend surprisingly well, which gives me hope... but he doesn't know about me. Continuing on... I have felt pressured to come out for a long time now. When my father passed away (7 years in April), it was a huge deal in my life. During the healing process, my mother had a friend come over who (apparently) had some sort of extrasensory ability. I know this sounds strange (don't stop reading now!), but she told me that my father said I have a big secret, and that I need to tell the world, and that they will love me for who I am. Believe what you will about talking with the dead blah blah blah, but what my mom's friend told me has always stuck with me. I've always been ashamed of hiding who I am, because I'm not one of those 'flamboyant' (stereotypical, I know - I'm sorry) types, nor do I really follow the 'stereotypical' gay lifestyle ie. I don't listen to pop music nor do I dress super flashy. (Sorry if I offended anyone here, I mean no harm ) I have experimented with other apparently straight guys, and I like it just as much as girls and I can easily see myself in a relationship down the road with either a guy or a girl. I believe that love has no gender. Being dishonest with myself has put a damper on my love life. I have not been in a serious relationship in over two years, and I'm becoming pretty depressed about it. I know that it's time to start coming to terms with it, because it's becoming an unhealthy problem of mine. I want to start dating other men. There have been many times where I've felt it was the perfect time to come out, whether it be to my roommate, my best friend, my mother or sister, others... but my mouth clenches shut for fear of rejection. I have always had a fear of rejection, as I've moved around a lot and experienced a lot of death in my life, and never really got to make a lot of true friends when growing up (this goes without saying that I do have a large group of friends at my University). I'm truly afraid of losing the friends that I have, though, and would be hurt if one of my 'true' friends rejected me. Some of them are anti-gay, and I know it they aren't true friends if they reject you blah blah blah, but I still don't want to lose them. So, when do you think the right time to come out would be? WHEN I am going to tell my mom and my sister, I would want to do it to their face, but I won't see them until May. I don't know if I could even wait that long. ^^^PS. You don't know how liberating it was to type all of that. Thanks for reading through, I really appreciate that there's somewhere that I can tell my story Also, I'm sorry if it was all jumbled, but I just thought if I did a brain dump, it would be best (!)
Welcome to EC! And there's nothing like a brain dump for the first post. Let me throw a few things at you first off. My brother was really big on the fag jokes. And he's right-wing, heavy-duty Christian and all that. After I came out, he took a bit of time to come to grips with it, and we're still on great terms. I know a guy who's a NASCAR fiend, works on trucks as a hobby, the whole nine yards. My partner and I went on vacation with him and his wife last year. I'm not saying that everybody will be loving and accepting. But don't be too quick to assume. In general, people respond better than we fear that they will. And sometimes better than we even HOPE they will. >>>Some of them are anti-gay, and I know it they aren't true friends if they reject you blah blah blah, but I still don't want to lose them. Why? Because friendship should be able to handle something as minor as sexuality (and sexuality is exceptionally minor thing in a platonic friendship). If it can't, it simply means the friendship isn't that strong. It means they've decided that theiir (misguided) beliefs in sexuality are more important than your friendship. And finding that out tells you pretty much all you need to know about them. I can guarantee that most of your friends will come through. There may be a period of adjustment, but I'm sure most of them won't have an issue with it. You seem to have several good openings. Your mother, your sister, your uncle, your gay-and-out friend. Start thinking about talking to them about it. You don't have to approach them all at once, but think about who might be best to talk to. Lex
I find that most rednecks are not really mean spirited, in fact, their devoutness to Christianity is very impressive. Even though I am an atheist myself, I've always been accepting of religious devotion because I've read a study which based on brain imaging technology concluded that the act of truly praying sort of gives normal people the same elated feeling as meditation would. And I think that it is very impressive that the so-called rednecks, though rough they may be, are willing to be that devote to a male role model such as Jesus. My advice in dealing with devote Christians is that do not be hostile to them, be loving and accepting of them, and in return, as long as they are reasonable human beings, they will prove to be accepting of you.
Hey ^^ Welcome Welcome!!!! My step fathers a homophob and hes your typical redneck, chew spitting "man" i understand the fear of not being able to come out all the way. but most people are really alright about it (you know friend wise and most family). I cant come out nessicarly until i move out or my step father dies lol jk. But contiune to write it out! i find the more you write, the more sence every thing makes.
I don't have much to add to what's been said here already 'cept congrats on your first post on EC MusicFreakxx! Waitaminute. I just thought of something: I've noticed that finding the answers to one's questions is often expedited by aiding others in finding the answers to theirs. Mutual support is the name of the game here. Giving eventually = getting.
