POTENTIALLY URGENT: I did the right thing.... Right? I need advice for her too....

Numbered for ease >_> So like... I'm sorry I'm putting this here, but I know how active this forum is compared to other forums. I wanted all of your advice and thoughts on this. I need help, I need to make sure I'm doing the right thing, and I need more advice on what to do.

1. Just very recently ago, like 2 hrs ago, I was talking to my friend. She knows I'm depressed, she was the second friend I told basically. She's been really great.

So she just told me, I'm the only person she's told, that she thinks about suicide everyday, and that she would have killed herself if it weren't for her friends and her boyfriend. (I guess she trusts me lots, cause I confide everything to her, like me being gay and depressed and my crushes and worries and suicidal thoughts. And she said shed be there for me whenever I feel like life isn't worth living. So I'm trying to do the same... more on this later below.)

2. She's worried about her boyfriend and she thinks he might leave her. I have never gotten that vibe from him (he's my best friend as well as her. They both are my best friends.) I'm guessing this is low self-esteem typical to depression, I know I have low self-esteem.

So she has a boyfriend, since around October 2010. He's been depressed too, and he's tried suicide sometimes. They're both 16 as am I.

He's telling me to leave her be and that 'she can handle it by herself'. As a current depressed person I disagree. I don't know if he was hurt that she told ME first, and not him. It could be that, and he's being brash right now cause he's hurt. OR it could be that he doesn't believe in depression treatment because he dealt with his depression on his own.




3. He might be jealous of me, I don't know. He's said before that he kinda gets a bit jealous that she spends lots of time talking to me and seeing me. But he's always rebutted what he's said by saying after that he knows I "~need the attention right now~".

And that might've made him say those words about her. I was the one who told him about her being depressed.She didn't tell him. I thought i should tell him, so I did. Before I did, I asked her if I could tell him, she said she didn't care so I told him, cause I thought he should know but also cause we both could help her.

He might be upset too that I told him, and that she didn't tell him.

4. I said to her that I'd be there for her no matter what. I said that we both can help each other get through this rough part of our lives. I said that she would always have me no matter what, even if he broke up with her (which she is scared of).




5. When she told me it, I told her that we should check and see if she's depressed. She said she took online depression tests before, and her mom saw it and spazzed and said that she wasn't depressed. Not a very good, supportive reaction... Probably denial.

I said to her, we should get her checked by a general physician or a youth clinic drop in person. At the very least, they could refer us to other resources.

She said she didn't want to go, she said she wouldn't even consider going. I said I could go with her if she wanted, I said I could help her set an appointment up and that she could go DURING school so her mom didn't know. I said her mom doesn't have to know. I said, we're just getting a bit more info on what you're going through to see what help you need. I think this is the right thing to do, just get more info.




6.I don't know how serious she is. This is the first time she's said it. She said that it feels bad cause it hurts her image. She says she never cries in front of friends, always smiles. She brought all this up cause she got into a fight with her mom. Her mom ending up saying to her that she wasn't allowed to go out.

She has some issues with her mom. Her mom sounds a bit too mean or strict sometimes. She says she misses the times last year when they both cuddled up and hugged. This year it seems different, she says. So that change is probably upsetting for her.




7. I don't know what this is. I know for a fact that thinking about suicide is not good. I know that whatever it is, it means there's a problem. She says she never feels happy anymore. She makes me think of how I sound when I'm particularly down.

I want to help her. I said I'd talk to her anytime. I said I'd be there for her forever. I said I think she should see a youth clinic person, and that I would help her get it set up and stay a secret. What else can I do?

I don't know if she's depressed, or just super stressed. She's been real busy with school and stuff for a long time now. And of course she just fought with her mom. A couple days back she argued with her boyfriend. All these feelings could just be too much stress in a short time. But I know that stress that makes you think of death is not good. So regardless, I still think she needs to be helped. I want to help her. Any thoughts? I need comments and advice so I know I'm doing the right thing.



8. She's been sounding down when she talked to me today about the depression. I don't know if it's clinical. She doesn't want to see a doctor for it, but I might have to force her. She says "I don't skip school ever" but I said happiness+health>a chem. lab about the reactivity or hydrogen peroxide.

So yeah... I need guidance. Either way, I'm thinking: she needs counselling with her mom, this isn't the first time she's been hurt by her mom (emotionally and stuff)
or she needs depression therapy
or she needs to just vent and get it out

but either way, i want to get a proper diagnosis for her.




9. When I try and talk to her about it, she avoids the topic. She's like "i have to do homework now, it's gonna take me a long time to do it"

I said i'm going to talk to her about it tomorrow.

She says she doesn't want to open up to a stranger (the youth clinic worker). I said to her, they can only help you if you're honest so they know exactly what to do. The quality of help hinges on the quality of verity, basically.

---------- Post added 26th Jan 2011 at 12:08 AM ----------

And she's been like: I don't need help, I'll just keep it to myself. And then she told me later today after she did some homework that she feels better and that those bad thoughts always go away.

I know that keeping it to oneself (like I used to, and still sometimes do) is bad.

And I know that not needing help is false. I wanna help her. I need help to help her.

 

Re: POTENTIALLY URGENT: I did the right thing.... Right? I need advice for her too...

All right, a bunch of $#!t has gone down... : ( But at the very very least, I know my friend's getting some help now. Sorry for such a late response, the above mentioned $#!t has been quite horrible. I wonder if I could talk about it with anyone, it's horrible >_< If I feel like it later, I might talk about it here.

But anyways... Just wanted to say thank you to everyone, and that this particular problem has been solved, so that's one less worry off my chest. Thank you all very much!

 

Re: POTENTIALLY URGENT: I did the right thing.... Right? I need advice for her too...

Thank you MIJ VI, but I don't know if I can talk about it here. Things have been real overwhelming, and I was actually put into the hospital because I was feeling suicidal (not a new feeling, but it was my first time being put in a ward). If people want to listen and help, that'd be great, but it's very like... all over the place and stressful and hard and etc. It would be hard to read basically.

---------- Post added 29th Jan 2011 at 09:33 PM ----------

Ehhh. But if people wanted to help and listen that'd be nice : )