This is kind of stressing me out. I'm a volunteer ESL tutor (English as a Second Language). I teach an 30 yr old lady from Morocco. In the coming weeks, we will do a lesson about family relationships - husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend etc. Because the Moroccan culture places a very high value on families, doubtless we will talk about our own families. Should I talk about my girlfriend who I live with? In Morocco, it's illegal to be gay, and I'm afraid she will respond quite negatively to this information. I'm usually quite confident about coming out, since in Canada, it's pretty okay and frankly, because I look like a huge dyke. But I don't think she'll get those cues, and I'm pretty sure it won't be okay with her because of her cultural background. I'm quite anxious about telling her, but also it's REALLY exhausting to stay in the closet. I grew up in a family that believed that gay people had demons inside of them, and my mom wouldn't let a gay person in the house in case they left behind some sort of demonic influence. I don't think my student thinks this, but my point is that homophobia is hard to take, no matter what reason they give. I'm afraid that my student will kick me out of her house and phone the agency in disgust and embarrass me etc etc etc. Anyways, I'm clearly a bit frazzled about this. Any ideas/advice/thoughts would be so welcome!
Morocco is a Muslim country so u should research what it say in the quoran about this. You have two options, Hide it and u will face no confrontations. Or teach this newcomer to Canada a lesson in our spirit of tolerance. If she calls the agency and the agency penalizes you, you can file a claim in the Ontario Human Rights Tribunal.
Hi ElizabethAnne. If she asks you point blank I'd say that honesty is the inescapable best policy--for both of you. If she can't respect you for respecting her intelligence in this age of Google then she has a lot more to learn than a second language--such as how here in Canada we're ALL equal (at the official level anyway). ---------- Post added 26th Jan 2011 at 11:29 PM ---------- BTW: "It is never the duty of the oppressed to make a bigot feel comfortable." - TalkBass.com member Dr. Cheese
Hi there! Sometimes, it is better not to say anything in particular if you already have the feeling that it might not go over well. Sometimes you kinda have to pick your battles as it were. That said, that doesn't mean that you can't talk about the fact that two girls living together can also constitute a family. I think a safe way to approach it would be for example to engage your student in a broader discussion on the fact that in Canada a broader definition of family exists to reflect the make-up of Canadian society and will help to educate your student about intercultural communication and Canadian society in general. Doing this, you don't necessarily have to come out to your student, but you can still include your own experiences and in the process address the issue of homophobia. Hope this helps a bit! (*hug*)
New here, Not sure if this is great advice but I think I can add to the discussion. Crossing cultures is hard because we always hesitate in fear of offending people and we end up in a cultural fetal position, too scared to move or say anything and sometimes that internal feeling comes out externally. I see two options, one being to take that professional route and leave that student and teacher path closed for any further development. Your life is personal and thats that. Now the second option is the shaky one but offers real promise. You don't have to mention in detail what your personal life is like but the mention of it will have her coming out of your ESOL program with not just a second language but a greater understanding that she lives in a place that tolerates anyone, even her. You can't ever know how someone will react by coming out but you can instill in them a better understanding of the world around them and make them realize, even if just for a second, that this world is "filled with a vast majority of people...not like me," a sense that the language she is learning is used by all walks of life...now thats just a very optimistic view of the subject but its what came to mind haha. Either way, whatever you decide I'm sure she'll still be happy with the teacher she has. I've never met someone who didn't like a teacher because she showed real interest in helping them to learn and succeed.
I've tutored ESL and I work in a program with volunteer tutors, so I understand that tutors often develop strong ties with their students, and trying to keep such a discussion impersonal can come across as cold. Perhaps you could focus the discussion on your blood relatives (parents, siblings etc.), and just mention that you have a partner. Then you could also talk in a more abstract way about Canadian culture, and how we can define family as including (amongst other things) same-sex couples. See how she reacts to this, and then decide if you want to divulge further information about yourself.
Just a thought is that you can mention gay relationships as one of the many that may occur in a family...or you can bring up the time when Canada legalized the marriage becoming an official thing, there for changing the family relationship perspective a tiny bit as a tester?
Yup. Same-sex marriage in Canada http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_in_Canada If some people expect LGBT'ers to die by their rules elsewhere then they can darn well live by our rules here. And if they don't feel that arrangement is 'fair'...
