Well, I need some help with a relationship... I met this guy the saturday before last saturday.... 1 week and 5 days ago... but we've seen each other almost every day since. I really really like him and he likes me I think. But, a few days ago he told me that he was dating other people too that he wasn't committed to anything yet. How am I supposed to take this? I've been kind of depressed since then and I feel way more nervous about our relationship. I can't give 100% if he can't, because I don't want to get hurt. But I don't want to not give 100% because then I won't be as good of a guy... He tells me I'm special compared to the other guys, which, since we've seen each other so much and talk so much I don't doubt too much he feels that way. I've jumped into this will still not enough self-esteem and I'm way too shy still so I can't quite understand why. I feel like I have to compete with people who are probably way better than me. I don't know what he sees in me though. I know I jumped into this without fixing myself completely yet, but an amazing guy comes along I can't just let him pass by... But he said he was seeing a couple guys, talks to a few guys from out of state online (so I don't have to worry about those he said), and still is friends with his ex, who, was begging for him back, but he does not like his ex back that way. Which I guess I can't do anything about really. It has only been almost 2 weeks but feels like so much longer. I know I can't expect him to be committed to me yet but it's so painful that he has to see and talk to other guys. He told me he was in a shell from his ex for a year and he doesn't want to be committed right away yet, that it would take a while... How long does it take of dating before you become committed boyfriends normally? I was thinking of waiting until a little before valentine's day to ask him out... I figure he'd be tired of me by now seeing each other and talking so much, but he surprisingly doesn't seem to be... how do I keep him from getting tired of me? I really like him too much and I feel like I'm just not good enough for him... or I'm not the type of guy who'd be perfect for him. I'm worried I'm going to get hurt and idk what to do! I'll never find another guy so amazing...
My serious advice is to just drop him. As hard and as painful as that may be. He likes the attention and that’s not going to change any time soon. I would say wait for him to stop seeing all of the other guys, but I doubt he would stop and he would just lie to you about it. I don't doubt that he is an "amazing" guy in the sense that he makes you feel special and knows how to do the whole flirting thing really well, but he is just that. A flirt. I say you don't go for him, but that’s obviously up to you. If you do end up with him just make sure you know what you are getting into and that the possibility of being hurt is pretty high as of right now. Hope you figure it out.
Dont say you have to compete against guys you believe are better than you. Anyway you have your own talents and are special. There is no set limit on when someone that is dating that become an relationship. Some like to take it slow or others fast. It depends on the person. You only known each otherfor an short time, and since he is seeing other guys you know more about him. Its good that you know about this early instead of later on. at this point its best to just be friends with him and see how things go. If I were you I would not see him as much. As painful as it I believe its the best way.
Just a side note ur story reminds me of a song I really like called I Who Have Nothing based on the Italian song "one of many". It is very moving so go listen to it, might relieve some of your anxiety and depression.
I think TheEdend is on the money. Guys like that have commitment issues, and are generally more interested in the attention than in being committed to one person. If you twist his arm and get him to commit, he'll likely just cheat on you. Sorry to say that, I know it's not what you want to hear, but you're trying to make him into someone he isn't, and that's always a really bad way to start off a relationship. I think you'd be much better off letting him go and looking for someone healthier.
Hold on, I really don't think you should drop this guy. Especially after only 2 weeks. I mean, who can commit in that amount of time? Especially since this is a male you're dealing with. If he's as amazing as you think he is, then it is definitely worth waiting for him to be ready to commit. Shrugging him off this early in the game could be a huge mistake. If he makes you happy, tell him so. If you're interested in him, don't hide it. If he's not looking for a serious relationship, then that's his right, but you won't know if you ditch him now.
I once started a similar relationship. I had a crush for a guy who didn't want to commit to me. I always thought he could eventually change his mind, but he never did. At first, I didn't think of the consequences and I let myself go, because I was in love with him. We had this kind of relationship for almost a year and I suffered a lot during the time that we spent together. I was wondering all the time if he was cheating on me, but we were not boyfriends... I couldn't do anything about it, until the day I decided I had to move on with my life and started being with him less and less often, until my love for him was gone. We're still very close friends, now. I don't want you to go through all this. So I recommend that you wait and try to distance yourself from him, just not to get hurt. You too need to be very honest with each other and you've got to know each other better. However, be careful. As he already told you, he doesn't feel ready to be committed. Also, you don't have to feel less than anybody else. You are who you are and you have lots of things to offer, many qualities and good things, so don't think you have to compete in order to stay with him. You should't pretend to be someone that you're not just to please him. If he really likes you, he'll notice the great person that you are. Just relax and try to get to know each other better, but be careful! Also notice that friendship is the basis of any relationship. Good luck! (*hug*)
"He tells me I'm special compared to the other guys" Hm Im sure I seen this a lot of times in movies before lol
^This. Not sure why you're all telling him to drop it, it hasn't been very long, you have to give it time for something to build.
If he were looking for a serious relationship, and were seriously interested in the OP, he would not be dating multiple guys at the same time, talking to other guys out of state, and still busy talking to his ex. To Austin: It wouldn't be reasonable to ask him to *commit* in 2 weeks, but if it's moving in the direction of getting serious, then he should be curtailing other dating and flirting with other guys and focusing on you, even if there's no formalized commitment. If he's not doing that, he's either not interested in a serious relationship, he has commitment issues, or he is playing the field and enjoying the attention he's getting from all the guys, and probably won't want to give that up. The other thing I didn't address earlier is how long it's been since he broke up with his ex, how long they were together, and what broke them up. If he cheated on the ex, he'll cheat on you. If he only recently broke up and had been in the relationship for a while, he may be on the rebound, and those relationships rarely last. If it was a very short relationship, and the rest of his relationships have been short, it doesn't bode well for the potential for yours. If the answer to all of the above don't indicate problems then you could proceed cautiously, but my sense is that it's not going to work very well, and if my intuition is correct, then cutting bait sooner rather than later will be the least painful option for you.
Chip, I think his ex and him were together for maybe 4 months or so and then a little while things were bad between them I guess. I think it was only maybe a month or two ago he decided to forget about his ex. maybe i am the rebound.
