Today was slightly crazy for me... I decided to show my mother a gay movie I got a few weeks ago, Lilies. I loved the movie so much that I knew she would, too. And she did. We spoke for a while about the movie, and how nice it was. I was so happy to have a good reaction from her. She then asked me a few times why I was seeing it... I avoided the questions/answered them with all of the generic lies. When she heard that this was the third time I had seen this movie, she said "Don't watch it too many times, or you may end up liking men!" Still, having had such a positive reaction gave me the idea to tell her as we walked to the library. So I slowly brought up the subject, starting from the movie and then going on to homosexuality in general, and wether it's good or bad. We sort of argued; she said that it was bad, and that she didn't care what homosexuals did unless they adopt, because that would "corrupt" the children. I kept trying to make her understand, but she wouldn't give in. She asked me a few times in the conversation if this topic was important to me, and if I am gay... On our way back from the library, I could no longer hold it in; I had made so much progress in bringing up the topic that I decided that it would be best to take the opportunity to tell her. So I told her, after hesitantly snaking around the subject, "I like men." It felt horrible to me, and she was visibly in pain. She began to say that no, this was not possible. Everything kept going wrong; I was no longer trying to tell her that I was gay, I was only trying to prove that I was in a state of confusion. She kept insisting that I had to change, that at my age, sexuality was plastic, and that I had to try to like girls, and that it would happen. "You need to find a girlfriend," she decided, "You have to will yourself into liking one, you have to WANT to kiss one." More questions followed, and more lies: "Are there any guys that you like?" "No!" "Why don't you like Alice?" "She's too fat, and she's deaf in one ear." (Pshh.... As if I'm that superficial?) "Why don't you like Phyllis?" "She's too controlling." "Did you feel uncomfortable at Special Training (a karate thing) in the locker-room with naked men all around you?" "Of course not! I didn't even think about it." etc... Eventually, she asked me if I had told any of my friends about this, and when she saw me hesitate, she made me swear to tell them all that I was just confused, and that I'm not really gay. (Another lie on my part) After receiving lie after lie, she calmed down, and she stopped. But now, I'm worse off than I started, because not only am I not out to her, but now she is even more suspicious, and now she wants me to get a girlfriend... What is there to do from here?
imad, I think it's great that you've taken the steps that you have. Even if your mom didn't exactly embrace what you told her, maybe the fact that you're even "confused" will make her think more about the possibility that you might be gay. I don't know about you but I thought that once I came out to my parents it would be this huge relief -- like it would be this single moment before which I was conflicted inside and after which I would be completely at ease -- but it isn't that simple, unfortunately. Coming out is a process, not a moment, and acceptance is a process as well. So, yeah, I'd say maybe give her some time. Eventually, maybe you could just be extra-aware of moments when the conversations or circumstances are somehow related to gay issues, and then don't be afraid to start another discussion. Talking about it is usually a good thing, in my experiences at least.
Thanks, Motionmaker. Btw, I decided that I don't care what her reaction would be, and I told my mom, as well as my dad. They weren't exactly happy, but now they're back to acting normal after asking lots of questions.
Hey - it seems like this thread is a little bit redundant and that congratulations are in order. Good to hear that your folks have been pretty "accepting" and hope that it all progresses well from here on.
Hey, I'm pleased you managed to pluck up the confidence to go for it. It sounds like it went reasonably well to me. The fact that there are lots of questions is good (though you could probably do without them) as it shows they are not just pretending it hasn't happened. They are interested and probably somewhat confused too. I think it will work out fine.
