Here is a basic outline of my situation. I have a fairly large group of friends at my sixth form college. Up until recently, we all hung out together and did everything together and all sorts. But since then, several things have happened. 1) One friend, let's call him W, was rather rude about my other friend B behind her back, calling her a loudmouth bitch or something along those lines. I didn't feel it was my place to tell him off about it, he's entitled to his opinion and if that's what he thinks of her then so be it. But I told him that I disagreed, thought she was very nice, etc, and let that be the extent of my involvement. However, I was not the only person to hear what he said, and B was of course eventually told. B and I discussed this later on, she perfectly understood my viewpoint and said she would have done the same, so she's not sour for me not leaping to her defence and reprimanding him. 2) W got into an argument with another friend of ours (while I wasn't around), about having his feet on a chair or something ridiculous like that. It escalated and turned into quite a shouting match from what I've heard, and this friend will now have nothing to do with him whatsoever, along with several other people who were there at the time. Once again, I bear neither party any ill will, as I wasn't there so I couldn't possibly judge. 3) W kind of made things a lot worse for himself by...er...insulting yet another friend on Facebook. This different friend was highly offended and reported him to the head of year at the college. So now THEY aren't speaking either, and it made the people who weren't talking to him in the first place even more unwilling to give him another chance. Didn't see any of this myself, it was all deleted and whatnot. So now there's this schism within our group. Nobody in that particular fragment of the group will associate with W, and that puts around six or seven of us in a very awkward situation indeed, myself included, as we are the ones who simply weren't there or didn't see what was going on at the time, so we're ENTIRELY impartial to the whole incident. We want to continue being friends with everyone, because we bear nobody any ill will. It's my 18th birthday in a few weeks, I wanted to invite everybody out to do something, but...I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. :eek: I really don't want the people who won't speak to W to turn against me for wanting them to associate with him just for the one evening. I don't want to "turn against" anyone, they're all my friends and I care for them all equally. If inviting W will make a sizeable chunk of my group of friends refuse to turn up...that will make me very sad. In my mind, it's everyone or no one. Thoughts? What would you all do in such a situation?
I was in this situation when I was in high school. I had 3 distinct group of friends that sometimes intermingled. And none of them liked each other. I don't understand why they all like me though. They always told me angry stories and thoughts about the other groups of people. My suggestion to you is that no, due to who these people are, they will just not get along. Be happy and have fun with each group of friends individually, and don't try to mix them all together and get together. When your 18th birthday come up, have a special night with each group separately. You will have triple the fun, and they will also have a night of UNTAINTED fun too.
A very interesting problem indeed... I'm really not sure what to tell you concerning the rest of your life and this person. However, as for your party: It's your party and you can invite who you want to. If your friends can't set aside their differences for your sake for even one day then they are not being very good friends to you. They don't need to associate, even if they're at your party together. At the same time, you should use your judgment. It would seem that this "W" person is causing all of his own problems, so if you're worried about him ruining your party, then you need not invite him; for the sake of your own happiness.
Hi Helen. To tag on what V128 has suggested, and in view of how all these people are your friends regardless of their own (likely temporary) differences, why not draft a birthday party invitation addressed to your friends as a group in which you reaffirm your fondness for each of them and state how you'd love to have them all at your birthday party if they are willing to be there on their best behaviour for your sake? That way you're not taking sides by excluding anyone and if they choose to show up the onus will be on each of them to behave themselves. Besides, once the punch bowl is half drained things may lighten up and you'll get to spend your birthday being a diplomat cum babysitter.
^ V128 gave the same advice that I was thinking. It's your party and your friends and everyone will keep to their little groups like happens at most every party, except this time maybe a bit more separated. How many people are we talking about here? It's probably a different dynamic whether it's 6 or 8 at your party, or 20.
I understand not wanting to be caught in the middle, but I'd say you might want to rethink your friendship with W. It's one thing if W and another friend weren't on speaking terms. But when three separate friends (or groups of friends) are distancing themselves from W, due to three separate incidents, I'd say you have to start wondering if there's fire to go along with this smoke. At the very least, I'd say a talk with W might be in order. Lex
