Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this message. My story is the same as many I have read on EC over the past few days. I am 35 and gay and deep in the closet. For the past 10 years I have mostly ignored my sexuality and focused on work. I'm not sure what I was really thinking, that it would just go away? I am really kicking myself now for not being strong enough to come out in highschool or college,maybe then I would not have missed out on my 20s and what were supposed to be the best years of my life. I just finished graduate school and have entered the workforce. I am really unhappy with my life and I am so tired of trying to be someone who I'm not. I want to stop lying to everone and start the process of learing who I really am. Thanks to sites like EC and others, I am ready to embrace who I am and start living as an openly gay man (finally, my god, I'm 35!). The advise that I am seeking is what now? I have no idea where to begin to find gay friends. All my current friends are strait and I have tended to shy away from anyone who was openly gay for fear that they would "know". I currently live in the small town that I grew up in, a place where everyone knows everyone else. This is why I wish that I came out at a younger age when I was meeting new people all the time. Do I need to move to a gay friendly city and try and re-invent myself. I have been looking at several of the on-line dating sites but I am terrified of rejection. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am ready to join the Gay Community and embrace who I am for the first time in my life, but I don't know how. Thanks again for taking the time to read this message and any thoughts you might have would be greatly appreciated.
Welcome to EC! You just need to live your life. Being gay is only a part of you. You don't need to or should reinvent yourself. From your location of Providence RI there are several gay clubs and groups in your area. Many of them are quite active. Because of the rules of EC, I can not list out the groups on the thread but if you look online your should find the groups. You may also may want to atend a few PFLAG groups first to be more comfortable being out to people then gradually go to some social groups. I hope this helps.
Welcome to EC! It sounds like you've already come out to the most important person first - you. You're gay, you know you're gay, and you're comfortable with it. That's excellent. As for your friends and family, chances are they won't be quite as stunned by your revelation as you might think. After all, no matter how "straight-acting" you might be, you presumably display the biggest gay trait of all - disinterest in the opposite sex. And if these friendships are fairly solid, there's no reason they can't survive something as minor as you coming out. And coming out IS a minor thing in the grand scheme of a friendship. What to do now? Up to you. Do know that there's no real or official "gay community", any more than there's a "straight community". Yes, you're more likely to find gays (and straights) in specific spots, but there's no real line between "gay" and "straight" spots. I know zilch about Providence or the surrounding communities, but a quick Google search brought up a Pride website, complete with a calendar of specific events. That might be a good place to start. PFLAG meetings will let you meet some other people in the gay community (either other gays or friends/relatives of same). Maybe you'll decide that your area has enough to offer, and you can stay put. Or perhaps you'll wish there were more going on, in which case you can look into moving somewhere bigger. Lex
Hi Jv - I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, just wrote a similar introduction. I tried to PM you, but i don't have the ability to do that yet. I'm in the Boston area, I see you're in Providence, I'd like to talk to you, maybe we can work some things out together. Cheers.
^ Boston, you won't be able to PM another member until you're both given "full member status". Until that time, you can still post on each other's "walls". Click on his name in the post above, choose "View Public Profile", and post in the appropriate spot. Lex
Hey Boston, I posted a message to your wall. ---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2011 at 05:20 PM ---------- EM and Lex, thanks for your advice. My big problem is that I am the worlds biggest follower. I am terrified to do anything that makes me stand out, probably because I have been afraid that if I stood out in any way someone would figure out my deep dark secret. Every opportunity that I have had to make a wish (birthdays, shooting stars, etc.) for as long as I can remember I have wished that Mr. Wright would find me. I convinced myself that I would find someone, fall in love and come out of the closet to my friends and family and everything would be ok because they would see how happy I was. Well that hasn't worked out the way I had hoped. I realize now that something has to change because passive isn't cutting it. Its time to face my fears and "walk through that door" as my dad always used to tell me (god I hated that lecture).
