So i have been a member of EC for quite some time now, and would never post, and would just read the advice all the wonderful members here gave. But now i need some advice myself. So i have this friend, i love her to death, she is my best friend in the world. But her friendship comes with more drama than a soap opera, and i just don't know how to handle the situations anymore! so the first thing is she has multiple eating disorders, she is anorexic and bulimic, which i have always helped her with. But now her other friend got her this self help book for it, and the only person she will do it with is, you guessed it me! i have no problem being there to help her, but some times i just can't and she will not do most of the exercises in the book. i'm glad shes trying but i only wish i knew how to help her with that more. all i know how to do is listen and tell her she is beautiful and strong. And if that wasn't enough, last week she told me a new secret. This summer she was a victim of sexual abuse, or even rape. i say both, cause every time we talk about it, she never tells me how far it actually went, she just says there was a lot of touching. She hasn't and won't go to the police about, and she won't tell her parents. I wish she would tell her parents, but the abuser is her mothers best friends son. And she is to afraid to hurt her mom. Now she talks about the situation with me a minimum of 5 times a week. although i would like to help her as much as i can, i can only do so much, and its going to become a daily occurrence of her breaking down crying, and calling me sobbing if she doesn't get professional help. i would tell her to go see a guidance counselor at our school but she hates school, and refuses. I know this cause we have tried to get her to go in before about her eating disorders. Anyways, sorry for this being so long but i just don't know how to help her with her problems anymore, or make her get help. P.S sorry for anyway typo's or grammar mistakes,
It sounds like your friend really needs help. Probably more help than you alone can give her. If she's not going to talk to anyone about this, maybe you should. She might be angry, but in the long run, it will be better for her because she'll get the help she needs and it will be better for you because then you can support her but the responsibility doesn't always have to be yours.
If she is still signed on as a student of the school, you can go to the guidance counsellor and report her behavior yourself. If you're afraid she's in a bad mental state - which she seems to be, given the way she's acting - you're rather obligated to report the situation if you think no one else is aware of it. Either that, or you can speak with her parents directly, especially if you think they're not aware of the situation. She might be angry with you now, but she should thank you later. In any case, you are not a therapist, and you are going to get burnt out if you constantly have to listen to this girl's crises. (I'm speaking from extremely personal experience.) She needs professional help, not a sounding board. You shouldn't be put in the position you're in right now. She is not in her rational mind. Seek help for her, either through her family or the school system. That's what I'd do. If you suspect she was sexually assaulted, you have every reason and right to report the situation to authorities - parents, teachers, or police. Sexual assault is a crime. These sound like drastic measures, but they're appropriate ones if what this girl is saying is true. If what she's saying is not true, she's still got some issues that need to be resolved by somebody more reasonable than her. ---------- Post added 2nd Feb 2011 at 05:28 AM ---------- You beat me! :lol:
My question would be, how old is she? I don't mean to offend, but early teen girls tend to make their lives more dramatic than they really are. The eating disorders may actually be there, and she's using you as a scapegoat. You're there to tell her she's beautiful and strong, even when what she's doing will make her ugly and weak. She needs to feel, to some degree, that she has to deal with this on her own and that it's ruining her. If he life is getting too stressful for you, then you should tell her. Just say that you love her and want her to be happy but if she is going to throw her problems on to you then not put in the actual effort to better her self, then you can't be there for her anymore. However, if she decides she DOES actually want to deal with these problems, you will be there to help again. If that doesnt work or seem plausable, there's really nothing stopping YOU from telling people what's going on in her life. I had a friend who was anorexic and she used to do similar things. She would ask for help, but really she wanted the attention. That sounds bad, but sometimes people are anorexic because they crave attention and have a low self-esteem about their bodies. So you may be actually playing into the problem, not the solution, by trying to help. As for the sexual assault, could it be that it's not actually true at all? I'v known plenty of girls who feigned sexual experiences (and not all good ones) to get attention. To me it sounds like this girl could have a psychological disorder that makes her crave love and having someone take care of her. In her mind, it's more beneficial to be anorexic and bulimic because then she gets you to take care of her and help her and act like you should be spending all of your attention on her. However, after all it is HER life and she's the one who has to make the changes, not you.
^ I was going to add something to this effect (about the girl over-dramatizing her situation for attention and support) but I don't think it's good to assume someone is faking illness straight out of the gate, even if it may seem that way. If she is exaggerating her problems for attention, she'll probably back off of them once she realizes that "higher powers" are getting involved because of it. ^ Likewise, while it may be true that the girl is feigning this situation for attention (I don't know her, so I can't say for sure) you can't make the assumption that she's lying about it. That's why so many women who are sexually assaulted are afraid to come forward - they're afraid people will accuse them of lying or worse, place blame concerning the encounter on them (like saying they were asking for it, etc...)
I agree, if you want to make an accusation about someone, present the evidence and let the justice system take care of the punishment. Don't assume guilt or innocence yourself. As they say, you are not the judge.
The reality is, no matter what's true and what's not, what she's telling you or hiding, your friend needs help. It's too risky to decided that she might not be telling the whole truth, because what if she is?
sounds like your friend might need more help then you can provide, it may time to talk to a counselor for her. She may be pissed off but its better then her dying from malnutrition
First of all, I just have to say that it sounds like you are being a wonderful friend for her. She talks to you and feels comfortable telling you about some very raw things. It's not always easy being the friend of someone who counts on you for so much. I have a friend like that, and I lived with him for about 6 months... it was difficult, to say the least. You can maintain that status by finding her the help that she needs, and empowering her to seek out said help. Even if you call upon someone to help her without her permission, it's for the best. She may be mad at you at first, but it's a promise that, at some point down the road, she WILL realize the favor and gift you'd given her. And on top of all of that, stay by her... she probably depends on you.
