I have an appointment this Saturday with the councilor I have been seeing for depression issues and I think that I am going to tell her that I am gay. I'm a little worried that she will be pissed that I haven't been honest with her. I wouldn't really blame her for being pissed- I've been seeing her for about three years and haven't been able to bring myself to tell her what I am certain is the root cause of my depression and social phobia. She has also made some comments in the past that make me think she may be religious so I am a little afraid that she may not be so accepting. What's the worst that can happen...
Well being gay is no longer labelled by the psychiatric association as a mental illness, since forever I can remember. Because studies suggest that it is a natural born condition, so if this counsellor is qualified to give mental-health advice, then she will be accepting. Otherwise, you might as well ditch her since she wouldn't be qualified.
She can't get angry you waited to tell her; it's their job to not push you to talk about something until you're ready to. These types of people are supposed to generate an atmosphere of comfort and trust and if she gets mad it's incongruent with her profession.
I agree with this^ Besides, no matter who you are, if you become a therapist or counselor then you have to get rid of those kind of judgements. It's your counselor's job to help you with coming out (or any issues really), if she is not doing her job, then you need a better counselor. And the reality is, you were in the right to wait if you were not ready to come out. It's a personal choice that she can't make for you. Good luck though!
I actually have an equivalent issue, except the clincher in my case is that I originally visited my therapist because of my inability to date...women. I haven't told her I was bisexual because at the time, I was still in "ignore it" mode...and I still haven't told her. I'm wondering myself if it would make any difference in treatment, or just complicate the existing matter. I'll let you know how my story ends up, bro.
Therapists are very familiar with denial and avoidance, and EVERY therapeutic relationship goes through a process of opening up in disclosure between client and therapist. In short, the therapist expects the client to not disclose certain things, to lie about others, and so forth, because the therapist realizes that many of these deep fears are rooted in fear of judgment or shame or self-hate. So I can echo Phoenix in saying it's antithetical to the profession for a counselor to get angry or upset or anything at a lack of disclosure; if anything, they appreciate and applaud the fact that a client feels safe enough to disclose somethign that they were not earlier able to disclose, because it means the alliance and rapport is becoming stronger. and... btw... it took me about 2 years to disclose to my therapist as well, and she also had some religious (christian) beliefs... and she was totally fine with it. Very, very few therapists, unless they are right-wing crazy conservative christian types, will have any issue with it. And I think you'd know already if that was an issue for her.
Um, it would make ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD, and no, it won't complicate things; if anything, it will make them simpler. You really should consider telling your therapist
Zontar: that is exactly what I have been thinking, would it make any difference in treatment or just complicate things. I think I've decided that talking openly about my sexuality with my counciler is the way to go because I simply can't keep things bottled up anymore. I'll let you know how it goes on Saturday... Thanks everyone for your comments, you are right, to be in the profession she is in she has to be an accepting person and if not I really will need to find another counciler. I think I have decided that I am definatly going to tell her.
I think that is the right decision. It took me 18 months to come out to my therapist. Once I did, she was then able to actually help me. Up till that point, it was hard to get to the real issues underlying my depression. Good luck and please let us know how it goes.
I just got back from my appointment. Everyone was right, she was very accepting. She said that she was happy for me and happy that I trusted her enough to tell her. I'm glad I told her, it was really good to tell her what was actually bothering me, rather than tiptoeing around the issue.
Congratulations (*hug*) I'm happy for you that you told her and that she is supportive. I hope that this will help you to make progress in your therapy. Take care, Cécile
Glad it went well! Any therapist worth their salt would know that negative reaction to disclosure would be a pretty sorry excuse for patient relationship-building.
Coming out to a councilor is a great idea when your seeing one especially when your dealing with depression. Problems associated with coming out and in general being gay as a teen can contribute to depression.
