1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I Just Came Out To My Mother

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MarkNYC, Oct 17, 2007.

  1. MarkNYC

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Ok.
    Im 20 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and about 6 months ago, he asked me to move in with him. Things are great; I don't think I've ever been happier. We've started talking about commitment! ((!))
    So tonight we had a big family dinner (My mother, 4 brothers and 3 sisters) and I decided to tell them. I was sure my mother would be okay, but she ended up kicking me out of her house. I've always been really close with my mom, and I don't want this to ruin our realtionship. Please, do you think there's a chance we can reconcile? Be honest.

    Thanks so much.
     
  2. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Yes, I think there is a big chance you will reconcile. I will send you some PFLAG information for her if you PM me with an address where you can get the information. This is a shock to her and she reacted without thinking. Please read the Parent Stages of Grief here on this website. It will help you better understand what your mother is going through. Have you talked with any of your siblings? How do they feel? Hang in there and give her some time. Try to go back and talk to her again after she's calmed down a little bit.
     
  3. Ilayis

    Ilayis Guest

    I'm sorry you mom reacted that way(*hug*) !The only way I see reconciliation is if your mom can understand you in some way,comes to terms with it,or just deals with it.

    Either way,congrats on coming out,how did your brothers and sisters take it?
     
  4. MarkNYC

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you.(*hug*)
    I just got off the phone with one of my sisters. She's known for months, she saw me kiss my partner in a little resturant by her house.:icon_redf She's okay with it. Not thrilled, but still.
     
  5. MarkNYC

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I read that article. Thanks for pointing it out.
     
  6. justjoshoh

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2005
    Messages:
    363
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dayton, OH
    For a reconciliation to take place and to be meaningful, both parties need to want the reconciliation to happen. Deep down your mother probably wants to, probably thinking how she overreacted. As you have read in the article, she will probably go through most, if not all, of the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. This process takes time, but fear not, most of the experiences I hear about people coming out to family are positive in the end. There will be an elephant in the room, so to speak, as your mother progresses, but in the end realize none of this is your fault.
     
  7. MarkNYC

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank youQ
     
  8. Zaurak

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    86
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas
    Can anyone recomends ay books for parents having a hard time accepting a gay son? Shes not being a bitch about it, but we're from Venezuela, a country w/ 96% of the population being catholic, but I know that shes having a hard time accepting it, I think that not as much now b/c I'm away at college, or maybe more, don't know
     
  9. Louise

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    1,376
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    France
    Yes, I think there is a very good chance of a reconciliation. I think your mother probably reacted out of shock and probably bitterly regrets what she said and did.

    If your sisters have accepted this, even if it is difficult for them, they will surely help to bring your mum round. I think you need to keep the lines of communication open and call your mum in a few days to see how she is getting on. There is loads of information that Beckyg can give you which can help your mum and show her that she is not alone in feeling what she is feeling at the moment.

    Hope things get better for you :kiss:
     
  10. MarkNYC

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks so much!
     
  11. beckyg

    beckyg Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,656
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Middle of Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    These are great books for your parents to read:

    Now That you Know - A parents' Guide to Understanding their gay and lesbian children
    by Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward

    My Child is Gay - How parents react when they hear the news by Bryce McDougall
     
  12. Tom

    Tom Guest

    dont worry about anything, your mum will stil love you as much now as she has ever done, its what mums do and if you can make up then im sure she would love 2, just give her some time and when u are around her then dont bring it up and dont hide it aswell, if you know what i mean, so dont change the topic onto you and ur partner but if it does come up then dont avoid the questions that arent too personal, in time she will see that there is nothing wrong with u and him.
     
  13. Kibuki kid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kgn, Ja
    Dont worry your mother will come around but shes deffinately in shock. With a little time and some space she'll deffinately accept the situation, but congratulations on coming out and moving in with your boyfriend!